True story: I once rode the Disney World bus to Disney Springs, and it inexplicably kept looping forty five seconds of “King Tut” by Steve Martin. Driver says “Yeah, the feed is busted, I’m about to quit.”

Yes, hello, is that God? Yeah, hi. I have a complaint. You gave me this brain that’s designed for finding berries and avoiding lions and now people are ‘just circling back’ to see if we can ‘move the needle’ on ‘key initiatives’? NONE of those things are berries.

Most accurate portrait of modern culture currently available

ok yes that lrb piece is as good as everyone is saying

he's doing the Evrart's Uncomfortable Chair thing to his own guys

was scheduled to have my gutters replaced today. after about 45 minutes i hadn’t heard anyone on our roof. glanced outside - they had gone to the wrong house and were about halfway through ripping off my neighbor’s gutters.

Pretty sure Shepherd staggers towards this at the end of Mass Effect 3

went back in time to introduce a Victorian child to pizza but instead they got me hooked on some kind of embalming fluid they were all doing. these kids are fucked up

My wife: do you want to hear about my two dreams? Me: sure, then I’ll tell you about my one. My wife: nope

until act three the shark in Jaws doesn't even know people are mad at him. he's just hanging out

Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me Dave: ya dont worry Steve: which pic did u use Mark: dont worry about it

I remember learning about the Hays Code in film school and how it made it so that any amoral protagonist had to meet karmic justice by the end of the film and going “wow, that’s really silly” and then once a week I log online and see people argue that we need stuff like that now or it’s problematic

I do think “Graham Platner was a bartender who personally served some DC pundits and reporters and was known to them” is a pretty big part of the skeleton key to unlocking how he got so much cash and media attention so fast and why they’re so determined to stay all in on him now

We have a secret neighbourhood group chat called No Robs

I wrote about which chimp deserves the chance to unlock the healing powers of crystals defector.com/which-chimp-...

🎶

I released a Christmas song with the Chocolate Rain guy

Starting to think I could actually be a good undercover agent based on how convincingly I’m enthusing about AI in work

This is wild to me because I feel like the trope of “three playable characters to choose from, the female character is weaker but faster” is from like two whole console generations earlier than Tomb Raider?

As always

People sometimes ask why I left Twitter for Bluesky but earlier I posted here about being HIV+ for thirty years and none of the replies have told me I deserved it, I should have died, and angrily denounced how much it cost to develop the medication that kept me alive

Greg Davies: Seems very straightforward. Pop back to Ireland, see the old homestead, don't get off the horse. Alex Horne: You would think it's simple wouldn't you. Oisín: OK look - Alex Horne: Roll the clip!

Greg Davies: Get to Chulainn’s dinner party on time. Seems straightforward. Alex Horne: Yep, we gave them plenty of time. *Setanta shifts nervously in his seat* Alex: let’s see how Setanta did

Greg Davies: Impress your mother? Seems like a nice wholesome task for a Channel 4 light entertainment show. Surely nobody did something that can never be taken back? Alex Horne: Let’s see how Oedipus did

There’s always money in the

Some of the lads of Irish Irony-Poisoning Twitter are googling how to become a prison penpal

Greg Davies: Can’t fault you for effort, well done that man. Sisyphus: What kept me going was knowing everyone else was also pushing that boulder uphill every day. Alex Horne: Ah. Well, I’ve got some bad news there.

Years ago I wrote a piece for the NYT about how my 78yo dad and I bond over our shared love of Enya. I said he was occasionally brought to tears by her music, so THEY RANG MY OWN DAD TO CHECK. I could have saved them the long distance charges by saying he was forcibly transitioned by Enya's music.

This is also how Robert Webb poked his head over the transphobia wall a while back

I think Bluesky’s user base would grow faster if they didn’t make you answer this when you sign up for an account

Greg Davies: cooked the salmon, didn't taste it once, easy! Burned your thumb but powered through. Well played! Fionn Mac Cumhaill: go raibh maith agat Alex Horne: actually we did spot *something*

FYI for fellow narrative designers/game writers: the studio in question is Sentona Games and it’s my understanding they are currently interviewing to replace me. Be very careful with them. They were very nice to me and easy to work with right up until I needed the money I was promised.

30 years ago Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club accurately predicted that men under late capitalism, empty consumers who had come to think of themselves as “the middle children of history” with no great wars to fight, would eventually prank and shitpost their way into fascism.

Baffled by the amount of grown adults who looked at pictures of (clearly, 100% unambiguously) Jim Carrey and convinced themselves it was a clone

Two Englishman are in a restaurant in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. One says to the waitress “can you very slowly tell me the name of the place we’re in?” to which the waitress replies “ BUUUURRRRGGGGERRRR KIIIINNNNGGGG”.

My wife accused me of sleeping with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. I said "how can you say that?"

“You seen Dave lately?” “I heard Blade got him” “No shit! Dave’s a vampire?” “Must’ve been, yeah”

my full vision …

Have always avoided notoriously bad Pacino/De Niro cop thriller Righteous Kill, but stuck it on tonight and am amazed that no one has ever memed this, one of the most Naked Gun sequences ever to feature in a purportedly serious movie.

uhhh oh my god

I wrote about the state of the tasting menu, which is constantly being accused of both dying and omnipresence slate.com/life/2026/02...

There is no marketing I'm more susceptible to these days than any company saying they don't use generative AI in their projects. I'm a sitting duck for that promise even if they're selling graham crackers or masking tape.