you wouldn't tickle a girl with glasses would you 🤔

personally i'm no doctor but if i had to guess what caused my autism i would say it's *muscle man from regular show voice* my mom

I hope I don't get raptured mid-goon

i love my country of minneapolis she looks as gorgeous as she feels outside right now 🫶

I bring a not finishing my sentences while walking away vibe that my friends really don't

Stop supporting businesses that don't accept cash and if you can't stop supporting that business tell them they need to make a change every time you are in there make a big stink about it. I'm a broke girl i rely on cash and it's criminal how many places don't accept it anymore it's anti-community.

There are flowers all around for those with noses to smell them

I love when dog owners are like "nah don't worry about him" and let the dog just terrify you. Like good job team!

People beg me to smoke weed with them they say "oh we spent all this money on weed but no beautiful trans woman wants to smoke it while dominating the aux cord" and I do it I do it for all the women who never even got a chance to use the aux cord while high on free weed god bless them

Martha Steward has revealed her choice for this year's must get gift the culinary genius has partnered with Le Creuset to create a limited edition Le Creuset Pre-Seasoned Chastity Cage

There are flowers all around for those with noses to smell them

I think watching straight porn turned me bisexual but no one but me is responsible for that

Iconic

People beg me to smoke weed with them they say "oh we spent all this money on weed but no beautiful trans woman wants to smoke it while dominating the aux cord" and I do it I do it for all the women who never even got a chance to use the aux cord while high on free weed god bless them

people beg me literally beg me to go to brunch with them they need me there or no one will say something really mean but true that makes them laugh i say oh no brunch for me but they get on their knees and beg me please please we want to buy a catty bitch food they say and it's absolutely pathetic

I think watching straight porn turned me bisexual but no one but me is responsible for that

save me cute insecure trans woman

I got to shit talk my father in a mall food court yesterday and lowkey i never knew i needed that back in the day when i wanted to shit talk my father i would hang out with his girlfriend and be like "girl what are you doing with this loser" also fun but not quite as fun and youthful as the mall

*pointing at my loving friendships*: oh yeah i get real nice on this stuff

the straights are putting me on a sailboat tomorrow because i will be channeling my inner JFK and by that i mean be very very high and possibly political

One of the most annoying things about recovering from some forms of abuse and complex trauma is working through the absolutely demonic levels of cringe you were forced to put up with.

did some art

that last thing i would want as a submarine captain is to be hunted unless its on land with consenting adults but under the water that's a hard pass too dark down there

maybe i'm one of those honky tonk angels i just don't know it yet because im so self conscious of my beautiful soft kissable lips and slutty little hips

country music is sooo cool it's like hell yeah i'm an alcoholic hell yeah my wife hates me hell yeah i killed a man but trains man trains are so cool yeeehaw

country music is so cool i wish america was real

i will be the most powerful and thoughtful and emotionally intelligent man to ever live because i know exactly how it feels to be a teenage girl

i am having a beer and lord almighty i think if someone squeezed my thigh i would suck the soul out of their body but also music especially loud music is good right now and there should be more ways to get cheese curds without involving money it feels dirty and makes them less peer

I don't touch grass that's where the ants live yuck! I touch the flowers… sometimes bees are there I'm after their knees if you see any please bring them to me… my wife you see she is very sick ah who am I kidding look at you! you're holding a big gulp you're probably a very busy person… damn bees

i wouldn't change myself for anyone except future me and she is so fucking demanding all the time

It has taken me years to fully understand what the secret to being bisexual is and i'm ready to share my research: If you are looking for a husband go to bass pro shops/cabelas If you are looking for a wife go to margaritaville/Heaven that's as far as i got.

BRING THEM BACK

the real reason some men debate who is more of a man and or more of an alpha is because they no longer have a big jug with 3 Xs on it waiting for them at home to keep their minds occupied and hands busy which is why i am starting a foundation to pair lonely angry men with jugs that have XXX on them

Minneapolis has a convention center that looks like boobs and i'm sick of not talking about it and while im at it that building in saint paul with the big one it should be the A1 steak sauce building

I think the real reason so many trans people are in minnesota is because due to the state having more coastline than Florida, California, and Hawaii combined our demand for Sirens, Ladies of the Lakes is much greater than most states and as we all know what they say about trans people and water

my bowl is empty my pennrietta has perished and all my seltzers have turned into beers i am in a state, but its the greatest state in the world baby it's minnesota the birthplace of water skiing and post it notes you're welcome world

I just went to The Mall of America didn't buy anything but a delightful man bought me a burger there are so many items these days maybe too many the excitement of seeing all those items in the same big windowless box is undefeated the economy should be working just fine

SEEKING: Tall, strong, single and brave butch lesbian to investigate mysterious noises in attic (not a trap)

whenever i say i like people are taller than me i am not talking about physical height im talking about the height at which you allow the word to perceive you as because i know some very dainty small women who are actually over 6 feet tall and some gigantic mighty men who are much shorter than me

whenever i say i like people are taller than me i am not talking about physical height im talking about the height at which you allow the word to perceive you as because i know some very dainty small women who are actually over 6 feet tall and some gigantic mighty men who are much shorter than me

SEEKING: Tall, strong, single and brave butch lesbian to investigate mysterious noises in attic (not a trap)

Why does Minneapolis the larger of the two cities simply not eat St. Paul

Did you know that it wasn't until 1949 that listening to music for hours and forming opinions became legal for single women?

There should be an option for when you turn 27 years old to freeze yourself for 3 years so you can end your 20s with some fucking dignity

I don't care if I get fired for saying this but Charlie Kirk got what he deserved My name is Jacob Frey the duly elected mayor of Minneapolis

wish someone was tearing my clothes off then ravaging my body but nooo i'm reading in the sun learning like some asshole

youre in her dms I am in a deep subterranean labyrinth searching for a lost part of my soul so i can feel her love more deeply we are not the same

nobody wants to smoke a little weed and listen to music while debating the finer details of what men are hot until we disagree so much that we are screaming and pushing each other around in anger but then we start making out and apologizing to each other because men are a spectrum

Pictured myself in a Marlene Dietrich tuxedo with a ''misses mayor" sash at a groundbreaking ceremony for my massive infrastructure project that will return the street car system to its former glory people will die to see my dream come true and werner herzog will make a fitzcarraldo movie about me