We’re watching The Thing and I gotta know…how much weed did this guy bring to Antarctica?

Look at her

Up to something

I'm horrified??

fuck yeah it's award screener season again, time to go "what the hell is that movie, did i hear about that" 3 or 4 times a week

It was straight teeth btw

I'm just gonna say it, I don't think Donald Trump seems like a very generous lover

its not funny that trump sucked a dick. and it's very very funny that he sucked bill clinton's dick

Even Facebook’s on the ball uh oh

Hold up

sup bro where your fire poker at

Lmao no more dry muffins for you, skank

to be fair, I bet "I'd take a bullet for you" hits different when it comes from a Kennedy

Devastating discovery

One thing I have gleaned from the recent Epstein document dump is that my man was on every single cocaine

it's so fucking obnoxious that we're being haunted by the ghost of Larry Summers all the sudden and that bitch ain't even dead yet

i did not have sexual relations with that woman.... that man, however.....

if i had to see this, you have to see this. i'm not suffering alone.

(nonchalant whistling)

Lorne Michaels calling Darrell Hammond out of retirement for one last job

If I had a nickel for every time I had to hear about bill clinton getting his dick sucked by someone id probably have a lot of goddamn nickels

“He blew him, Brendan. He blew Bubba and now Putin has a picture of it. Makes sense though. If a guy sucks your dick you have to invite him to your daughter’s wedding, it’s part of the code. The brojob code, Brendan”

I’m in a freshly cleaned room and the cleaner smells like a my little pony??? What did they use??

I rarely watch ad-supported shit so I totally forgot that it’s Perfume Commercial Season

She gave us the best tweet archive update ever lol

“Joy is any feeling fully felt” - Rabbi Alan Lew

todays discourse has reminded me:

i have absolutely no opinion on sarah kendzior as a person or a poster but everyone pretending 'it's just a johnny cash reference' demeans us all. Have some dignity. Please. Its embarrassing.

what bluesky feels like today

wait so monica lewinsky and trump are the blowjob brothers??

Chimp Witches United States, Census, 1900

need someone to be the sultan to my jafar

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

Now I don’t know if making trump sucking dick jokes are still homophobic. I need a ruling from the Council of Woke

Can I have a soundtrack that isn’t headlined by a child molester, Christ!!!

patton oswalt confirmed bisexual

Some of you need to work on replacing your angel and devil with lawyers. You gotta ask that guy how it’s gonna read to a jury

We all remember the one true answer: www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN6j...

i would like a cat that doesn't shit in a box and isn't nocturnal and also doesn't claw me with its shit-paws in my sleep. like a dog.

they need to invent a cat that is a dog

then my nerds taught them that cyber is a weapon

to the Joker, these are regular snacks with mentaiko mayonnaise flavor

that's what i say when I cut into a nice fresh piece of construction paper

did u know the stuff inside kitkat is just mushed kitkat

I guess I’m glad it’s coming to light and all but I do not like living in “true detective season one if everyone had a head injury” world

‘Stop emailing each other all the time you fucking idiots!’

skinwalker ranch dressing

This is actually a zen koan meant to empty the mind of all human thought