[1] it was not² [2] if it was, no-one could prove it³ [3] even if someone could prove it, is it a crime to appreciate a succulent footnote?⁴ [4] in some principalities, it is in fact a crime to enjoy a succulent footnote, particularly if that footnote is not so much a footnote as it is a human liver

OSCORP EMPLOYEE: sir we have the quarterly reports for you GREEN GOBLIN: AHAHAHAHAH but can you resist my pumpkin bomb attack -- -- OSCORP EMPLOYEE WIFE: omg honey what happened?! where are your arms OSCORP EMPLOYEE: you've never even really tried to understand mr osborn have you

i don't know much in this world but I do know men, intimately, regrettably, and I am 100% ironclad sure that underlying all other arguments, deep down, the sex segregation of sport exists because they cannot abide the possibility of losing to a woman

I do not believe there is such a thing as a book that can somehow damage you by reading it too early. I reject the premise. worst case scenario you pick up ayn rand by mistake and become a proper wanker for a while, but the cure for that is actually more reading

pathfinder night is, fundamentally, about me spending two weeks putting together bad jokes like "the banker is a gigantic money spider and he wears a top hat"

the really uncomfortable truth is that revolutionary change is usually brought about through piles of sacrificed comrades, and the only effective way to make people do that is the right story at the right time, so as an artist your job is actually akin to a slaughterhouse attendant

I used to get so anxious over social media because oh no what if everyone thinks poorly of me but the cure for this is publishing a book because you quickly realize that in actuality nobody knows jack shit about anything

the full grown gen z gays with daddy issues will text you things like I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING MINECRAFT and you'll be like okay champ idk what that means. wow what a great power plant. very autistic. do you want this dick or not

SPELL CHECKER: in this document I have detected (789) misspelled words ME: wow big dictionary really has you in its poket doesn't it

maneuvre maneuever manuoerver 😠 manoover

modelling modern dating apps toward grindr really hit heterosexual dating like a comet hit the dinosaurs didnt it. why would you do this to yourselves, it's like watching a baby pick up a buzzsaw, that was a very specific tool for a very specific purpose and this feels unsafe for you

on the subject of mega yachts I am actually what is considered a hellenic communist, in that the means of production belong to the people but the sea belongs to poseidon

read flowers for algernon and now I have clinical depression over an imaginary mouse so this was an excellent use of my time on earth

no-one told me van helsing is such a nice guy. he's just a nice guy who kills vampires. friendly old dude with a university degree who will tell you how earnestly he admires you and then stabs your unholy night terror in the heart. I actually feel fortified by his mere existence on the page

im sorry you will never convince me frank frazetta was not horny for men

starting out as an author is really rough because publishers and readers like to find other writers to compare you to for marketing, but what happens is your fledgling work of 1 year ends up being compared to whatever that author did at their 40 year best, and you can imagine how that looks

people wondering why starmer won't take a stand against fascist mobs when it's very clear he doesn't have any policies or principles or ideals at all, just the instinct to occasionally destroy something. like a house cat who catches a songbird, and kills it without even really knowing why

the thing about having your book on someone's bookshelf is that they'll be forced to see your name day after day, week after week until they eventually stop noticing altogether, and then when they die someone will empty the shelves like wtf is all this junk and in a way that is a kind of immortality

other less generous people are sometimes like "why are all the characters awful" and I'm like because that's how the story goes is why

Today’s book is Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil by @deathbybadger.bsky.social I’ve previously shared my love for its generous use of footnotes; it’s also full of deeply weird, deeply flawed characters, all of whom I love. Small-scale but decidedly *not* cozy fantasy (his memoir is great, too)

i am reading Dracula as part of my crusade to fill the gaps in my education and I'm afraid to say that it is in fact a banger, but what I've enjoyed most is discovering that dracula canonically makes your bed for you if you stay in his castle. holding the duvet cover like "vich vay up does it go"

the term "political violence" always amuses me because oh so you mean politics, the art of deciding who dies, the sport the grim reaper watches for leisure, it killed someone did it? shocking. what a concept

found one of my old school diaries and a newspaper clipping fell out, because even if the other guys in the boarding house were often kinda shitty about me being a homo, they did save me the boxing section of the paper if there was a hot guy on the cover. I look much more kindly on them in hindsight

went for a hearing test the other day and when we'd finished she started talking to me like you would do an 80 year old man so no I don't think it went well

our 92 yr old neighbour moved out and asked me if I would take some of his plants so I said yes of course and I've spent the last few hours identifying them only to find they are all obnoxiously poisonous, absolutely bloody lethal, either this man was running an assassins guild or he wants me dead

tuning into Peacemaker because of the plot and by plot of course I mean the surprisingly jacked autistic nerd sidekick (let me fuck you and I will listen to many facts about trains etc)

games in 2025 underestimate the monster farming I am capable of. you think I won't kill 500 goobers at 1 bead apiece to afford your shitty reward? (demented cackle) i played original world of warcraft, i killed the same boar a thousand thousand times for no reward whatsoever, you have no power here

I'm not doing it. It's not happening. I'm going to write increasingly worrisome books until I either succeed or capitalism crushes me underfoot but I will not, will not I say, film a promotional video for social media

it's probably nightcrawler because of the explosive catholic guilt, but I want it to be cyclops because he's such a big dumb loser who tries hard and he's in a very demanding bisexual throuple so I think he practices a lot, I've put a great deal of thought into this over the years

I suppose what we're really learning is that comrades need to get incredibly, unbelievably jacked, not only because they'll be really strong when the revolution comes but because they'd be SUPER heavy and basically each occupy 5 or 6 officers at a time

100mg caffeine: this is normal, i am now awake 200mg caffeine: i am he who knows ten thousand words 300mg caffeine: im staring at the wall. i have not saved this document in over an hour 400mg caffeine: my heart beats a rhythm never before heard under a yellow sun

SERGEANT: the enemy are at the gates. where are the piss throwers. SOLDIER: (sigh) here SERGEANT: well what are you waiting for man?!?! grab a bucket

i know how i sound. I know it. and I'll probably watch the movie and enjoy it. but. i really did think the story was sexy enough on account of the yearning and pining and tragedy without anyone needing to molest any bread

all this "Dr Frankenstein is the real monster and his creature is a victim discourse" is very amusing because yes that is half true but the Creature is definitely still a monster, everyone involved is a monster, Oops! All Monsters!, alas it is a nuanced story aimed at marginally competent readers

okay but let's not discount those short shorts with an obvious zip in the back instead of the front, can't argue with the functionality

this is very funny mostly because you can almost see the priestly thought process of "it's 99.9% likely not vampires. but if it IS vampires and I don't do the holy water, then I'd regret it. am I crazy? couldn't be vampires. but it's a small price to pay, and it would guarantee no vampires today..."

tv show about a human-looking alien who crashes their ship into a mansion and gets hired as the butler, call it Uncanny Valet

and lest we forget, this is 19th century France, a double murder is basically just a tuesday

getting copy edits back on a book is always very funny because they will leave apologetic notes like "sorry! cant help but notice there's an entire page filled with the letter R repeated 2600 times" and "you seem to have accidentally copy pasted a gigantic ASCII horse cock onto page 45?"

hey boy, are you the laundry? because I want to turn you on and then forget about you for three days

we are watching naruto through and I know I am not the first person to observe this but I think it might be the third great homoerotic male text after the iliad and gilgamesh. all the boys are touching each others jutsu under bridges. the women are absent or have the sexual energy of a wheelie bin

Finished @deathbybadger.bsky.social wonderful first book Once Upon A Tome. It was incredible. Very funny, great story telling and an absolute delight. Truly cant wait to read Isabella Nogg.

d&d is just three hours of people saying things like "so I know how doors work, but-" and then asking you if they can do something that suggests they have no idea how a door is constructed, how it works, or what its limitations are as a physical object

trying to write a book as a narcoleptic is like trying to run a race without a leg. trying to read a book as a narcoleptic is an absolute fool's errand. instant slumber. rip-van-winkled in 10 seconds. I still don't have AI do either for me, so if you do I sort of think it makes you a craven gobshite

I want and have always wanted invisibility because I felt I could just vanish from uncomfortable conversations, but eventually I realized I could do that anyway with the superpower called legs

Paint 50% of grey squirrels red to increase the population of red squirrels

Anyone with more money than Dolly Parton should be legally reclassified as livestock.

people are like oh Id love to play in your D&D game because they only know me in Friend Oliver mode but then they turn up and I am Dungeon Master Oliver like Sit Down, What is your Armour Class, you don't know your Armor Class? this is why you Fail. you die. try again. Again. AGAIN. ROLL OR DIE

can't stress how important it is that you maintain at least one really wild insane left wing political stance to keep the hitlers off balance and the issues in perspective ie. feed landlords to snakes. trees get their own parliament. put solar panels on jeffrey bezos. send all mormons to the moon.

the best part about this story is that somewhere out there is a den of extremely organized wolves