“No man is an island” said a person with a basic understanding of landforms and human anatomy.

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey could things just be simple for once

Ya know what’s hot? Having something you’re actually passionate about.

“You’ve seen hands before, right Ferguson?” “Sure, sure. With the arthritis and disfigured joints? Absolutely!”

“That horse was a very very smart dog.” Hey. What??

More like J. R. R. Taken. The man was happily married

Tell me, traveler, what is this ‘dopamine’ you speak of?

[discussing ideas for my house with an interior designer] Have you seen Three Men and a Baby?

Saladin in 1189:

Alternate title: Godzilla Multiplied By One

the hottest thing a man can do is launch themself into the sun

Is it screaming time again? To the forest!

You’re all invited to come see my Def Leppard cover band: Hard of Heering Ocellot

no, this one's true. norm got his rabies vaccine and 15 years later he died

wearing pants in your own home is weird

“Why do you have anxiety?” It’s called the Legend of Zelda look it up

Christopher Nolan’s Grease 2

The local coffin maker got cremated and it’s made us all question his craftsmanship. His whole family got cremated. I mean they died in a brutal house fire so it’s not like they had a choice but it’s still pretty suspect.

kara: wait you can not be stressed

I think I figured out what my problem is, I hate existing

Doctor: Does [symptom] get better when you’re not feeling stressed? Me: Well, go ahead and take a bite of that there Tootsie Pop, Mr. Owl! I’ve been stressed for the last 25 years, so “the world may never know.”

The duck who lives here must be absolutely fucking massive.

boss: all you ever do is play on your phone me: that's not true, play implies I'm having fun

If y’all want to come over, I’m narrating my cats’ battle to the death. Should be a good one—the little one just brought out the oliphaunts.

Today is #SharkAwarenessDay. We don't have any sharks in the collection but we do have this absolutely enormous 36-foot ladder, which is so long that we have to display it on its side.

Who doesn't love a bit of gossip?

Someone should write a story about a curséd device, lusted after as a transformative source of power, that renders its users unnaturally youthful long beyond their time

We are fucked when they make their way inland

📢 Once more for the people in the back: - Most [more than 95%] of archives have not been digitized. - Most of humanity's knowledge and memory is *not* reachable by LLMs. - Believing that AI can provid you with comprehensive, definitive, "intelligent" results is folly.

When I read headlines now, I instinctually retaliate with the screams from Immigrant Song.

where do you see yourself in five years

I love you too Robocop

Sam Neill on tackling depression and imposter syndrome when you’re between jobs.

To be a historian is to speak ill of the dead and the rest of you should take more history classes and join us.

Dragnet (1987)

Apologized for rudely ignoring my GPS earlier. I was too busy distractedly sweet-talking the horses on the side of the road….then there was an elk…and some birds... I got lost.

Don’t skip leg day y’all

Is he single? This is the sort of historical pedantry that is a real turn on.

What if we kissed under the raining glass of Nakatomi Plaza?

I believe it was Radagast the Brown who said:

I hope Nathan Lane is having a good day.

It's days like these I envy the mole people.

On this day in 1981, Richard Cobb got an honorary degree from the University of Essex. That may not seem significant to you, but it makes this afternoon the 45th anniversary of one of the finest graduation addresses ever delivered 🧵

Pretty telling when someone from Texas has more ethics in returning cultural property than The British Museum.

How soon before Platner and Bovino announce they’re running mates for 2028?

Somewhere the portrait of a youthful and beautiful terrapin ages and corrodes rapidly…

keep cool, keep cool—cucumbers is the word

“Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome to the floor the bride and groom for their first dance as husband and wife!” *🎶The Pennsylvania Polka starts playing🎶*