"We called London a war zone and moved to Dubai by mistake"

As a professional military strategist, I just wanted to make sure everyone has a full understanding of the American strategy in Iran, thank you for your attention to this matter

The talk to your friends app and the witness the horrors app being the same app is not great for the mental health is it

Ok I have far too much to do today to spend more than 2 minutes on this but here’s my political cartoon of the day, please enjoy

Give us a day off like when the arseholes get married.

Once again, I must remind people, there is a Rage Against the Machine tribute act from Tipperary called... Fecking Ragin' I've seen them and they do, indeed, Rock 🤟

Are all cats freaked out by their own tails, or do I just keep adopting the weird ones?

mom they’re roasting the US economy on mastodon again

As I know a few dual nationals, just flagging this issue in case anyone is not aware: www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

Inevitably, their affair ended: Howard worried excessively about what the pack would think, and Agnes simply ate the flowers.

Absolute dickheads.

Anna’s nice relaxing bath 0 - 1 Soggy, disgruntled cat.

Phrases I have uttered since getting kittens (part of an all-to-frequent series): “Don’t hang off the sash window” “Zips are not edible” “Why are you screaming at the ceiling?”

people are always asking me professor kiosk why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near and I say to them fools that’s classified no one will ever know the secrets of my cockatoo army

Mark Rutte has handed Donald Trump a piece of paper with ‘turn over to read our Greenland offer’ on both sides & that will occupy him for weeks

I'm not saying Trump is a Russian asset, just that I can't think of anything he'd be doing differently if he were.

happy 93rd birthday to John Boorman

I assume they’re all narrated by Brian Blessed.

So we can look forward to Grok hallucinating an imaginary enemy nation, firing a barrage of nuclear missiles at Hawaii, making nude deepfakes of the Pope and ordering 25,000 pepperoni pizzas for the Pentagon before shutting off the power to the entire Eastern seaboard. Cool.

@stephencollins.bsky.social made the point best

Best TikTok thing going is the two dudes trying food from every country without leaving NYC. If you haven’t seen them yet, it’s incredible. My favorite so far is last week’s. Legit got me emotional.

i know we're all busy but i just overheard a plumber say "parlez-vous français ? non ? you motherfuckers don't even speak french, do you" to a pair of french bulldogs

You're not ready for the name of the energy transition specialist at Heat Pump Association UK

45 y/o, in a nightclub for first time in years. Young lad burst into the toilets & caught me furtively trying to open a little ziploc bag. He said "just a heads up, the bouncers come in here to check for drugs". Couldn't tell him it was my bag of googly eyes, to stick on a poster

A problem I had not foreseen with having kittens; they hare around the house so much that they are incredibly statically charged. They literally crackle as they walk by me.

Today I discovered that cats can unlock iPhones with their tongues.

Just making sure that 2025 is definitely over

Jools’ Hootenanny or Ronan Keating & Friends?

“Get, you rascal! Get! … Heaven knows how he keeps getting in here, Betty, but you better count ’em.”

David Attenborough [whispering]: “Like a grain of sand in a vast desert, the predator blends seamlessly into its environment, nearly imperceptible to the naked eye.”

They are just so impossibly cute! 😻

I retain my crown for another year.

Half Ma’am Half Brisket

I have been regaling them with tales of Great Uncle Oscar.

Please say hello to the newest members of the Williams household; Mr Valtteri Cattas and Miss Abby Mewto. Once they have settled in a bit they’ll need lots of socialisation with humans, so if anyone wants to come and play with kitties in the new year, you will be more than welcome.

Tried to take a screengrab of Gremlins 2 but I ended up with a description of the USA

As a measure of how my day is going, I’m just getting round to having breakfast at 5pm.

Oscar’s urn is on a mirrored tray on the coffee table. I’ve just seen the reflections. Does anyone have the number for Ghostbusters?

rich dudes got freakier after butlers fell out of fashion, like say what you will about having domestic servants but clearly it was some sort of moderating force on old rich dudes having a fancy man follow you around saying shit like "oh dear sir, that wouldn't be very becoming"

Sadly we have had to say goodbye to Oscar today. To say we are both devastated would be an understatement. Sleep well big lummox. We hope you find a plastic plant to nom on in the afterlife.

Columbo in his first episode looks like a dog that's just come back from the groomer

Tuesday, innit