My pal @pjrfoto.bsky.social caught me lulling the Downing Street rodents into a false sense of security...

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it." - Roald Dahl

Anthony Head was an Ambassador for Battersea Dogs and Cats home for more than two decades. Thanks for everything Tony x

The organisers are pleased to announce the following additions to the bill: - The Crazy Frog - The kid who mowed Trump's lawn - The KKK singers - An Ed Sheeran lookalike - Pete Hegseth playing the spoons

They should livestream the removal of his name from the building - it would set records

Not sure who's sillier on Twitter, Elon Musk for claiming history's most infamous far right dictator was a socialist, or the climate change sceptics for saying this temperature in May is fine because a few million years ago the surface of the planet was molten lava

At some stage a UK court case is going to collapse because the defendents lawyers will successfully argue their client can't have a fair trial because of contempt by publication and Musk's Twitter will be the reason.

John A. Klinner Ariana G. Savino Ashley B. Pruitt Seth R. Koval Curtis J. Angst Tyler H. Simmons Benjamin N. Pennington Robert Marzan Jeffrey O’Brien Declan Coady Nicole Amor Noah Tietjens Cody Khork The thirteen lives lost.

Yesterday the Prime Minister's team won the Premier League for the first time in two decades, today the Prince of Wales' team won a trophy for the first time in three decades; anyone know who King Charles supports?

Elon Musk is a loser

Trump's Chinese takeaway: crackers

Does anyone know if Andy Burnham likes cats?

Keir Starmer on his way to cabinet this morning

When you need to deliver the most important speech of your life to save your Premiership but remember you're dreadful at public speaking...

Keir’s in his room crying and won’t come out for dinner. Hope you’re happy with yourselves.

Happy 100th Birthday to Sir David Attenborough Thank you for being a friend to all animals and for helping the world to cherish us x

Your vote is precious. Today millions of people across Wales, Scotland and England are voting in the hope that their choice will improve their lives. I hope it will. Politicians are asking for your vote; it grants power and removes it. Use it and remind them never to take you for granted.

An important point to remember for today's elections in Scotland, Wales and England:

A good question for all Europeans to ponder at some stage during five weeks of paid holiday

History of the USA: - King of England imposes taxes - America declares independence - Things go well for nearly 250 years - America elects a moron - Moron imposes taxes - King of England gets taxes removed

"I'd have had so many more medals than that if it wasn't for these damn bone spurs"

Majesty and Travesty

Attacks on Jewish people on the streets of Britain are attacks on us all. I am so incredibly sorry that these disgusting and horrifying things are happening.

Wishing all my followers in New Zealand 🇳🇿 and Australia 🇦🇺 a peaceful Anzac Day. Enjoy your biscuits and a game of two-up x

Lots of "commentators" are rewarded for spreading lies and convincing you that everything is getting worse and you should be afraid. The good news is it's not: homicides at their lowest level in 50 years and killings involving a knife are at their lowest recorded level www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

“The game's afoot: follow your spirit, and upon this charge, cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’” Wishing all my followers a very happy St George’s Day x

I feel like Liz Truss and Liam Rosenior could become friends

The Fraud's Prayer: Our Father, who art in the White House, hallowed be thy combover; thy blingdom come; thy will be dumb; In Washington as you are in Florida. Give us this day our daily round of golf. And forgive us our insider trading, as we refuse to forgive those who investigate against us...

There's a free family festival on Trafalgar Square today to celebrate the patron saint of England: St George. All are welcome, except dragons.

Keir Starmer should go immediately... ...to the shops to buy me some cat treats.

John 3:16 "Aw, man. I just shot Marvin in the face"

I have some concerns with the choice of picture for this story from BBC News

Donald Trump is the only person in the world who doesn't realise that the expression "Is the Pope Catholic?" is a joke

"What did you do, screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?" Trump: "All the time - it was the campaign slogan for my second term"

Fancy copying me and strolling around the 10 Downing Street garden? Enter the ballot for a free tour here: londongardenstrust.org/whatson/lond...

Trump is stretching the US navy to its limit; first it has to blockade the Strait of Hormuz and now it has to capture the Holy See...

Exodus 20: 3 You shall have no other gods before me 4 You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath 23 Do not make any gods to be alongside me; do not make for yourselves gods of silver or gods of gold Trump 2026:

Is JD Vance an Arsenal fan?

Trump's plan for defeating a person strangling him: placing his hands round his own throat and squeezing.

To my friends in Hungary: A világ veled áll, miközben visszaszerzed, ami a tiéd

Garble Arch

We've reached the point that they're using the Epstein files to cover up Iran

The ending of Burn After Reading came into my head this morning. Sums things up well. (profanity warning, though nothing you haven't heard from Trump)

TACO Tuesday

I don't suppose he clarified which one?

The chicks realised too late that the cat skin rug wasn't, in fact, a rug

I want to wish all my friends around the world who are celebrating Easter a glorious weekend. For Christians, Easter is a time to reflect on the gift of Christ and his teachings to our world. For example, when asked which was the most important of the commandments, Jesus pointed to two:

The world is about to witness the biggest tantrum in history

Update from the land of the free: