Didn’t know Zendaya was such a fan of the Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley.

Finally, some goddamn respect for our fallen heroes.

Amateur.

Finally, some goddamn respect for our fallen heroes.

It really feels like winter now. Finally, time for what I do best: wrap myself in a cheap coarse blanket and worry about my 9% student loan while watching Frasier on an irreparably-cracked iPhone 6. Bliss.

Have any 20-something British comedians said that "Trump" is another word for "fart", ideally on a Radio 4 comedy quiz? I dunno, might help with all this BBC stuff?

What about in adulthood, same result yes? Yes??

I miss this. People living in the moment. Just a group of disaffected samurai plotting the overthrow of the Meiji Dynasty. Not a cell phone in sight.

The Assassination of My Bank Balance by the Coward Delicious Pints.

Dangers In The Night

Dangers In The Night

I have written an 120-page spec script about therapy instead of going to therapy.

Watching Master & Commander tonight, lads

Maybe Guy Fawkes should have tried LOVE BOMBING Parliament? Makes you think, I guess.

Since 2011, I have been dumped not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES on different Bonfire Nights. I’m very much a millennial Guy Fawkes.

Finally, they’ve done it. The smuggest show ever made.

Took 93-year-old Mum to vote. She's registered blind. In a loud voice she said, “I like that you’ve become a screenwriter in your 30s. Some people say you have 0 contacts, couldn’t pick a worse time, and you’ve made a terrible mistake - but they’re just wrong.” A loud cheer went up from other voters

That Uber guy? Mahatma Gandhi. Makes you think, I guess.

What’s it like in your head?

One of my students emailed to say he’s feeling anxious about returning to school tomorrow. Oh, comfortably another forty-fifty years of that feeling still to come, young fella.

Rick Stein is not the name of the celebrity chef, but the name of the mad scientist who created him.

Muppets Godfather. Beaker as Moe Greene. Kermit slowly descending into the moral dualities of family, patriarchy and crime. Gonzo Corleone: “Look how they massacred my frog.”

Lord Horatio, Vice-Admiral of the Mediterranean Fleet, whispering in your ear, on the very brink of climax:

In The Rest Is History’s Horatio Nelson series, you hear lots of mentions of leading Royal Navy historian N.A.M. Rodger. This is a particular thrill for me because, when I was an undergrad, N.A.M. Rodger bellowed, “You are by far the worst student I have ever taught.” No idea why. Marvellous times.

Nintendo was founded in 1889. Mad to think there were samurai having a bash at GoldenEye 007 and Super Mario Bros 3.

Ted Lasso.

We all expect a lot better from [checks notes] the Roman Catholic Church.

At any other time in history, if you remarked that “Bored Ape Yacht Club is making a comeback - as a metaverse”, you would be immediately detained under the Mental Health Act, and nobody would bat an eyelid.

Getting older is the dawning realisation that this guy is not a cartoonish comedy character, but a real and very possible future outcome.

This is basically every CV I’ve ever written.

British men are calling each other “bro”, and it has to stop. You’re not in Silicon Valley, you’re sitting in a Sam Smith’s with a divorced recruiter from St Albans.

Pretty much everyone after Prince William in the royal line of succession:

Thanks to Duolingo, I have absolutely no idea how to conjugate a verb in Italian, but I certainly can invite my grandfather, who is dead, to buy an overhead projector, which is obsolete, in a language he did not understand.

I’d love to be in the pub when the farmers’ market wraps up. Champagne, cocaine, nothing’s off limits. The fishmongers doing body shots after selling a crab for thirty quid. Two butchers ecstatically humping. Brian the mushroom man silently crying with joy on making six grand for some fucking dirt.

Another busy morning updating my CV.

The Predator lands into the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle in 1748. Can John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, battle this extra-terrestrial warrior, while also avoiding a commercial trade embargo with Spain and recognising Prussia’s acquisition of Silesia from the Habsburg Empire?

I’ll probably lose followers for showing a sport video instead of Doctor Who or Top Of The Pops. But I don’t care - I just played my Friday football, and think this was a really good save. Have a great weekend all 🧤

Finally, something’s gone their way.

Nobody sane has ever said these words.

This might sound silly, but until I saw this in print, I don’t think I truly realised he was gone.

Jesus, he was just a fucking kid.

Not sure about Katie Melua’s latest single

Can only hope they got 13th and 31st confused, otherwise this is early to a fucking mental degree.

J. K. Rowling naming a Greek character

Oh good, I’ve finally gone mental.

Me too, woollen jumper, me too.

It’s almost certainly Student Finance England.

“The Internet’s going to be massive, I keep telling you.” “Yeah, we’ll see.”

I’ve been beaten again to the Nobel Prize by this woman. I guess it’s not what you know, it’s Tu Youyou know.