Y’all…I just won Biggest Dick in Seattle 2026 and I’m going to Nationals in San Francisco

really upsets me when people don’t understand the Art of Complaining because sometimes I don’t want a solution I just want to say shit

When someone has the tea

im like stupid horny right now but only have the energy to let a guy bounce on it while i smoke and game

I’m so azula coded

we are all just the universe experiencing itself for a brief moment, why do I need a six pack??

Shazammed a song and it was Madonna from the first confessions

took off my cock ring and discovered that it is not, in fact, MY cock ring…it’s a slutty mystery 🕵️‍♀️

how it feels

I just need a dick in my throat

and this (gestures to a neatly tiered arrangement of obedient bottoms) is my substack

The speed in which I can go from feeling great to terrible in my body, unmatched 😎

need the faux hawk to come back in style bc my hair naturally does this when I wake up every morning

finding out two gays know each other

Shrek came out before Mulholland Drive

just entered a big dick competition happening on friday. wish me luck?

When the pits, chest hair, and bush all connect 🤤

i keep making BBNG/Madonna jokes and they’re literally only for me

height is such a weirdo thing to lie about. and idk why in this town it’s always the gays who say they’re 5’8 on their profiles but you see them irl and they’re like

the average american eats about 14 pounds of cum every year. I tried to make sense of it all, so I tried every flavor and rank them below:

Mitch McConnell is braindead 😃

oomf was at the park I guess…

For as much as I enjoy showing off, I’m actually quite shy in my day-to-day. Shy slut, if you will~

“You're traveling through another dimension. A dimension not only of dong and hog, but of cock.” - Rod Serling, probably #mcm

Damn Brock

getting time and a half at work but at what cost

today is for her and her only 🇺🇸

Woke up and realized that I drunkingly paid for sniffies plus

me at least 10 times this summer

just really love sucking dick

america’s favorite cop did what

debauchery in the time of MySpace 💿

It’s always “post your fat cock,” but never “how is your fat cock”

time for bed so leave me nice comments to see when i inevitably wake up at 2 in the afternoon #fcf

Clapping my ASS to the x-men ‘97 theme

Gonna jerk off before I go back to bed. Y’all need anything?

found out this morning that it’s a 3 day work week

we are joey jay we carry the flame

you have the key to his heart, I have the key to his cock cage. we are not the same.

do you guys think squidward uses a bidet for his squussy

I look so chopped today but I’m pushing through it xx

life tip: always leave ‘em wanting more. #mcm

DND idea - cleric who is exes with their patron "Yeah I really believe in everything they stand for, but I also can't stand them."

two days left of pride and i wake up with a fucking cold sore. just kill me now.

Y’all remember when Disney was shopping a gender-swapped version of Holes but axed it because the internet kept calling it Girl Holes? I do. Also look at this cursed Tubi ad 🕳️