burnt the garlic crostini in the broiler

Seems like a lot of people are sneezing around me today

Gently weeping at my standup desk

barbenheimer for people with 9 hours screentime

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to blast off to the motherverse

Man who allegedly never knows anything about anything miraculously knows so much about something, so much about something that it’s actually not true.

These dandruff shampoo ads I’m seeing… mama that’s psoriasis

I just remembered I dreamed about kissing oomf

Orange

He’s innocent

JP has managed to write this incredible paragraph on the nature of talent and then a couple paragraphs later reminds us of the time Nicki tweeted about her cousin’s Covid vax-induced swollen balls. Pulitzer

oh my god they both drink like that

I think I’ve finally cracked the code.

If I send you this, it means dl masc trade asked me to top

HFPA now stands for Hot Freakin Pits Association

that's *my* royal family

Industry using a song from The Social Network score ohhh hell yes

Good evening and welcome to the 8937th Goblin Globs. I’m your host, Nicki Glazegob

It’s Industry night

Just finished Giovanni’s Room

Is it healthy sir can I see it sir

[sombrely, with tears in eyes] "truly the people of Iran embody the great spirit of Flumpo The Fart Wizard" - author of Flumpo The Fart Wizard

when my prom date and I went to coldstone after the dance and I said hi to all my coworkers:

when my bug trap catches a cunty beetle:

But that's the thing with the ambition Everything's a competition

“Lisa continues to talk with the trees…”

A little piss & kiss, a little

a única loirinha que importa

It's a platform owned by a private company, not your hometown. Just leave. Stop supporting them.

☀️

I think I found their first commercial

Sunny, money, keep it funky Touch your top and let it down

She said:

good morning

I have two holes for a reason

“I mean he’s a professional actor.”

Every time Michael Crapaport talks I want to yank out my eyelashes

Traitors watchenings are neow

I like to go out Wear something nice And ╭━━━╮╱╱╱╱╱╭╮ ┃╭━╮┃╱╱╱╱╱┃┃ ┃╰━╯┣╮╭┳━━┫╰━╮ ┃╭━━┫┃┃┃━━┫╭╮┃ ┃┃╱╱┃╰╯┣━━┃┃┃┃ ╰╯╱╱╰━━┻━━┻╯╰╯

I’m having an ABBA January.

Two things about me and bestie Winnie the Pooh… we don’t like wearing underwear and we will go to war for our HONEY

Lucy Liu. With my girl Drew. Cameron D. And Destiny.

my mom is at Savers and she’s sending me gold

Ocean waves, Bob. Ocean waves.

goodnight

This made me burst out laughing.

At my favorite noodle shop and the soundtrack today has been incredible. Been slurping down soup to: need you now wake up pieces of me sometimes truly madly deeply