I’m going to be brave and say that I do not care for the word “smut”.

I’ve been hitting the fellas with a “cuz you liiiiiike boOoOoOysss” when they do anything remotely gay and it has done wonders for my mental health.

The worst part of winter is that nobody compliments how big and strong I’m getting because it’s too cold to show off the goods. :(

Picking up a sling from my barber when I get my hair cut tonight. God I love being gay.

Choose your fighter.

Shoutout to Animal Crossing: Wild World’s sky. Gotta be one of my favorite genders. 🙏🏼

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

Precum truly is the enemy of every commando soldier. 😔

One of the more insane things about Still Using Twitter is that you’re opting in to letting anyone with a blue check to modify your pictures using AI at their discretion? Like how many red flags do you need??

Installed some blackout curtains in the bedroom.

Crazy that it’s 2026 and they still haven’t invented a job that doesn’t make you want to end it all

So you’re supposed to make a model of you & your partner holding hands but the boy and I opted for this gesture instead. One of the fingers didn’t turn out because of an air pocket but we’re gonna pick up some modeling clay to fix it lmao.

Watch this space.

😭

Anyone have any massage gun recs?

before midnight // after midnight

She made chilaquiles from Grimes’ nachos tbh.

I’m glad these two are gay in every lifetime.

He put his whole Patricussy into this one.

Happy NYEE to DJ Sabrina The Teenage DJ specifically

Letting the zinc on an empty stomach speak in the monthly all manager morning meeting. 🤩

Let’s get you milked, homie!

I think being in Florida for Christmas has warped my sense of time. It fully does not feel later than December 22nd and I’ve got no idea how I’m going to fix that.

Really makes you think.

me omw to another shift at the skinny bitch factory

Wait I missed a bicep prompt? ಠ╭╮ಠ

I thought I was hungry enough to eat two egg rolls with dinner. While they technically did fit in my stomach I am now paying the iron price (gurgles).

Twunkhood really is a spectrum.

Are we doing these again

OOO activated, jingle mode engaged.

I finally hit a big milestone with my retirement savings account that I had been gunning for for a while now. :’) As someone who lived paycheck to paycheck for most of my 20s, I didn’t think I’d ever have a savings. it’s wild how much my life improved after getting laid off from my bartending gig.

Need a Wuthering Heights adaptation where everyone other than Nelly is a muppet.

Are you good at wrapping presents or are you a top?

idk I just kinda assume anyone driving a cyber truck is a fascist.

The gift I brought to the white elephant party was stolen THIRCE so I’m basically invincible rn.

Happy holestice.

This song is literally the only time it’s okay to separate the art from the artist.

Replay Chicago, your dig dug machine is bad and you should feel bad.

Chicago oomfs: when going out, is it a “sluts don’t get cold wear whatever if it’s cute” vibe or is it more like a “wear properly warm clothing what the fuck is wrong with you” kind of vibe?

Louder for the people in the back!!

The exchange was a rousing success, lads.

I mean, it’s one banana, Michael.

Took this during last night’s weekly game night bc my shoulders were looking crazy big and the ladies did NOT care. 😤

Me from tomorrow for the next two weeks🎉 #art

Spent part of my morning calling the cops in Nebraska because a guy threatened to hang himself when he couldn’t withdraw money from his retirement account.

Frottage cheese.

Welcome to the stage, Miss Now!

Kink bar crawl down in Chicago this Friday? Don’t mind if I do.

Local strip club for sale on Facebook Marketplace. You really can buy anything online