I wish other cities had window washers 😢

3 things you can talk about for 3 hours without prep: - almost anything, I love up yap

No high can compare with the feeling of your gen z coworkers walking into the office and immediately telling you your outfit is giving

They should invent an economy that isn't horrible

They have the same energy

Me whenever someone mentions Sandersonian Cosmere

When I need to get a guy's attention but he hasn't earned the title of diva yet:

Just get your knives sharpened for fucks sake

Me, always:

Girl, pick a struggle.

The Canadian Opera Company either employs no gays, or exclusively gays. I ♥️ COC.

Watching the lightning from my balcony:

The absolute jump scare of receiving this message in my morning workflow It's happening.

Imagine if it™️ happened today, and all his mushy brained cultists held it up as proof that he is the only person worthy of heaven

If you need me, I'll be crying for all of eternity www.cbc.ca/radio/frontb...

I hope she comes with me when I'm raptured

I think the key to a happy life is making it a point to eat at least a little prosciutto every day. ✨

Jesus coming back would actually be so funny imagine how pissed he'd be at modern Christians

What are y'all wearing for the rapture

The reaction Disney fans are having makes think maybe the Harry Potter fans are just bigots who don’t care after all.

If there's one thing I'm gonna do, it's drink 3 glasses of wine at dinner

And we didn't have to threaten to invade, or say anything racist www.thestar.com/politics/fed...

The crazier thing is that a significant portion of Americans *still* believe this and will continue to believe it.

Oh no I posted earnestly about an area of expertise and now straight people are following me

What does she do in the shadows (Caption lovingly stolen from @jvohmy.bsky.social

my doctor gave me a prescription antihistamine and I think my brain is getting too much oxygen in breathing so well????

Me when I'm meeting the King at 11am but have Hamburglar duty at 2pm

Those classic Vegas showgirl cardigans.

Sorry I'm late for work I stopped to watch an exceptionally fat and adorable squirrel eat a walnut

The hottest man I have ever seen just introduced himself to me on the street and asked me if I wanted to get together with his friends to study the Bible

Official ranking: D, G, F, E, C, B, A, H

I'm pretty sure they just wanted to call me a faggot but couldn't

We really popped off with Richardsonian Romanesque architecture

What a gorgeous day it would be for him to experience a debilitating aneurysm

I'm so sleepy today can we overthrow capitalism so I don't have to work

Would anyone like to give me $3.7 million?

Think I might go out and stimulate the local economy 😈😈😈

Vermont is so desperate for me to visit. These ads are out of control.

Behind every gay person is a gayer, more evil gay person

Can't decide which of my 3 passions to honour as THE coffee table book

Someone: *offers me magic mushrooms* Me: "Ok, but are they like hard magic or soft magic? Like are there rules? Are they like Tolkien shrooms or Sanderson shrooms?"

This girl is the nastiest shank bitch I have ever met. Do not trust her! She is a fugly slut! Happy birthday @jvohmy.bsky.social 🥰🥰🥰

This is why I go to the doctor all the time. I'm cashing in on my taxes, baby

"if you read this you are gay lmao" classic example of transgender ideology

Oh good so we've decided to all move on from the whole trans people in sports debate?

Putting 15% of my paycheque into a retirement fund as if any of us will still be alive

Very annoyed with myself for not spending 4 months of groceries on a ticket to see Gaga tonight

Sometimes I just look at my cat and think about how she is the most perfect little fuzzy demon in the whole world