Streamers insisting that everything be a huge success right out of the gate, while simultaneously relying heavily on people binging series from 20 years ago is going to kill TV

Would you let me into your country, y/n?

Reenactment of the Toronto clown riot :/

When she snuggles her lil butt into my armpit and just purrs for hours 🥹🥹🥹

French people seeing American cheese:

Government bureaus eradicated polio and smallpox, built the Pyramids of Giza and the great wall of China, put a man on the moon, established and maintain nearly all of the world's great museums and invented the Internet. Actually harder to think of any great achievement that *wasn't* bureaucracy.

Babygirl was so brave at the vet today and was diagnosed with being a happy and healthy old lady 😌

Two of my fatest cocked oomfs have already posted today 😌

I just watched like 25 minutes of season 3 of house of dragons deeply confused before I realized I've never seen this show before and it's not A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Vice President Gerald R. Ford:

Idk what's going on but I feel like every shawarma restaurant has stopped giving me pickles and turnips as a default and I have to specifically ask? Does not make me feel very yalla habibi

Me when I say hello to bloomfs:

Watching my Scottish coworker begrudgingly cheer on Argentina "because the English should never be happy"

Jean Luc Picard after making first contact with the Borg:

Oh the city smells crazy today :/

Do you ever take a sip of water and think "oh wow that's fucking delicious" and then you realize you're severely dehydrated

TV remote battery needs to be replaced but I can't get the back off to put new ones in

Idk I just think that if it's so hot they have to issue warnings not to spend time outside because it might kill you, that we should get the day off work??

I'm so glad Canadians don't have the exploding diarrhea. That's a you problem.

The President of the United States:

Elderly man sitting on a bench in the park, smiling and waving to people while drinking directly from a 1L container of chocolate milk. Life goals.

Stepping outside today

"what DnD class am I?" You're a little gay slut.

Suggested for me... Not too much now, Mark Zuckerberg...

McDonald's offering ketchup for free but charging $0.35 for a packet of mayonnaise is an act of American imperialist violence

🇺🇸

I love seeing miserable people stuck in traffic as I walk 16 minutes to the office 😌

I did a 6th grade book report on memoirs of a geisha (I took it off mom's bookshelf after I ate sushi for the 1st time, realizing Japanese stuff was kinda interesting). The principal asked for a meeting and she just sort of put her head in her hands and said "I'm not going to tell him not to read?"

What I'll remember most about Senator Graham was that he was a disgusting, lying, self serving piece of shit.

I love that there is a not-zero chance that the last thing he saw before dying was a prostitute's IG story of Club Confessions

All caked up

Chicagoomfs is this true

One thing I'm gonna do is eat

I'm so mad this only has 21 likes. Learn current events, people.

"what type of pokemon am I?" "Fairy"

Why does he look like a yassified Jamal Khashoggi?

I submit for your consideration: open.spotify.com/track/5NBPV2...

Bonnie and I have spent so much time together in the karaoke booth 🥲

When you're on an SSRI:

I listen to No Such Thing As A Fish and My Dad Wrote a Porno to fall asleep most nights, and now hearing a British accent make me so sleepy 😭

My money makes money 💅🫰

honestly rate yourself looks: 10/10 creativity: 10/10 humor: 10/10 mental health: 10/10 empathy: 10/10 patience: 10/10 social skills: 10/10 memory: 10/10

Trump been making all kinds of sports phonecalls

Better yet, decimal time

Why is he dressed like an officer in Cher's liberation army

She could literally just tweet "my dad is alive but in a coma I'm not sure why his staff is behaving the way they are, I'll be providing no additional comment"