yeah gotta put a stop to this today

this lady just came up to me and was like “Italians know where to get good pasta. Where are some good eateries around here?” mama I am Irish, English, German, and Norwegian…

why is this giving ahna mac from baddies

New people sniffed out that I Know Many Things and won’t stop asking me questions

and a gm to the people

this is what gave me a zit btw… it was worth it

happy birthday to the most beautiful oomf @pinkponysub.bsky.social I hope you have a great day 🩷🩷🩷

every 5 years I remember how good applesauce is

I keep waking up in the stupid fucking bullshit universe

tlc is so good bc it’s a network all about people who 1. have already ruined their lives 2. are actively ruining their lives or 3. unaware that they will soon be captured on camera ruining their lives

giving a guy head after the gym:

can someone check my pulse

keep forgetting I’m going to Savannah next week 🤪

did 41,000 tasks at work in March lmfao in case anyone wondered if I was insane

crazy how Rebecca Black and Slayyyter released one of the best songs of the last decade in 2021 and nobody talks about it

my friend’s coworker is missing, anyone in Baltimore/MD keep an extra eye out 🙏🏼 His bike was found today on President Street

making things about me >>>>

talking about having a fat cock without ever showing it… sure Jan!

at a fork in the road where I must choose between being a pedantic little bastard or just ignoring something deeply annoying and incorrect

leaving my sunglasses at a man’s house… never gonna stop doing that it seems

you have to be kidding me

Unfortunately I know my body very well bc I told myself yesterday as I was drinking a full sugar Arizona that “I’m gonna have a zit on my chin tomorrow” and now I do

the smoothies made at tropical smoothie cafe have bad energy

also some of the sexiest hands which IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME and my neuroses you’d understand how Important that is

people being shocked this woman (white, middle aged, southern) really don’t know much about demographics. There are 100s of thousands of her. She is just outnumbered Down There. This is why “red state” bs “blue state” is so stupid when talking about actual populations lmao

following thousands of people on insta is wild… you can’t look at all that!!!!!

does every country have an iteration of snl or is it just the most annoying ones (usa and uk)

$20 for toothpaste and deodorant… we gotta do something

I will knock people over to get purple

new fwb has cute dogs and and the biggest balls I’ve ever seen 🫡

putrid vibes today

Josh Hutcherson full frontal scene in I Love LA S2 lets everyone join hands in prayer and manifest that

gm Jo-Ellen and Liz and Alicia

called out bc I woke up when I normally leave and really just didn’t see sitting at my desk in the cards today

“it makes a great rim” -also Ina Garten, 2005

suck my ass

“I bet the girls would like a maraschino cherry” -Ina Garten, 2005

Barefoot Contessa is the funniest show ever made

the way I just lied through my teeth saying I wasn’t going to make a complete mess eating a croissant at my desk

forgot I said I’d go to our lady manor steeplechase this weekend LMFAOOOOO what was I thinking

dating someone with the same first name as you… what are everyone’s thoughts on that before I [redacted]

walked up 8 flights of stairs and then the fire alarm went off 😍

anyone else suffering today

“hysteriaAaAa” -Bebe Rexha, 2026

love on the spectrum viewings are NOW gotta check in w my girl Madison

one of my worst habits has to be taking my socks off and leaving them A N Y W H E R E

kinda crazy how getting your dick sucked never gets old

celebrated Easter by having my attention drawn to the cross necklace the guy going down on me at the **** was wearing glistening in the sunlight amidst my bush

BUNNY HOLE GO REAL DEEP LIKE IT’S KETAMINE happy easter everyone!

ordered a tiramisu brioche bun but they misheard me and gave me a yuzu brioche bun