"Pat, why do you carry that ridiculous 600mm lens on long hikes?" Buddy, I can see mountains reflected in the eyes of a trailside pika.

By the way, my legal name is Vanity No Middle Name Complex (middle name is 3 separate words) and no government has ownership over me because I am a free agent who doesn’t need an ID or passport 😌

to commemorate alan dye moving from apple to meta, here's one of his best quotes

The adhd and autism fighting in my head 🙂

When I hear people talking shit about my friends

Second you to my pinned post

Google search show me men with biceps that want to choke me. Google search show me men with big strong hands. Google search show me

Kinda fun realizing that movies about people moving to rural areas isn’t about them hating the city, but actually hating the breakneck and cannibalistic nature of capitalism and needing to slow down for once in their life and how we’re all living in a state of anxiety because our economy demands it!

I think this is genuinely the first time in my entier life where every piece of me feels connected and I feel whole

I’m sorry you can’t handle the unknown, but im using it as a vibrator

When my friends tell me they’re going somewhere cool I always ask them to take some photos for me which is because I love seeing my friends but also because sometimes people forget to take a photo of a moment and I hope that by asking they can remember to do so. I may never look again but they will

Haircut and end of the semester Friday. Get ready for me to become Worse™️

Let me go back to bed so I can push my boner into the mattress and yearn fr

happy friday (gonna edge for god knows how long)

Strange emoji rizz. Who wants me?

Episode three thread! #heatedrivalry (spoilers below)

Actually! You’re not entirely wrong. Cities use Bluetooth counters and trackers to make traffic predictions and update realtime travel patterns as people trek across the city. So while it’s not specific to you, they are tracking you!

You know I started vanity complex as a joke, but you all have enabled my ego beyond my wildest imagination. It’s viewers like you that allow me to be insufferable 😌

Sorry, no fcf today, fsf instead (fat scarf Friday)

There is so much hate in this world, and yet air fryers exist with hardly any. We live in such an unjust world 😤

🎶🎄Later on we’ll perspire, as we breed by the fire 🎄🎶

What To Know About ‘Heated Rivalry’ https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-heated-rivalry/

THEY GAVE ME A MORE FAVORABLE CONTRACT! I’m over the moon 😭 dream job officially obtained

Btw if you take more than five minutes to use the only gn bathroom in the building I wish plague upon you and your family. We’re all trans, we all have ibs. Stop being a porcelain princess!

Love that there is a simple solution to gender neutral bathrooms, which is making all bathrooms gender neutral, but instead I live in a world hell bent on making pissing and shitting a gendered activity

Girls, the way I get excited over friends playing LinkedIn games with me should be diagnostic criteria for commitment to a lifelong grippy-sock vacation

Me listening to the playlist of my most favorite songs: omg! This is one of my most favorite songs 😃

Got new over-ear headphones! The porn im about to watch is gonna sound insane 😌

Cake is stored in the kitchen #humpday

Teehee you’re all little peas on my plate

Favorite comment on tonight’s editing: “There is no such thing as common sense. Never assume that there is in academic writing.”

Honestly thought yippee would be higher, but I fear it’s all correct 😌

Girls if this contract doesn’t come in soon imma start biting

Microsoft begging me to use the cloud like a Grindr hookup whom I gave my number to, but that gave mediocre head is crazy

Love a pavement princess who thinks it’s their god given right to go exactly the speed limit in the ✨express lane✨

I consume music in a normal manner 🤠 (English in alt text)

I made this scarf

It’s actually sick how happy I am to be back at work today 😤

I would beg to differ, but I don’t beg so:

Gotta start putting fish oil on the kitties fur because I can’t pet her without shocking her 🥺

Getting sent research at 11pm 🥰

Meeting someone for the first time:

Realized that I have more followers than my hometown did when growing up 🤯

Quote with a shower pic

Snow day with little pea 🥰

Well behaved political activists rarely make history! (Tho they do seem to make it past their 40s 🤔)