One reason I do not think Trump is going to create a 1,000 year reich is because he failed to cancel a middling funnyman and immediately pivoted to trying to outlaw not having a headache.

this is the solution to the male loneliness epidemic I am 100% serious

Just rewatched this a few days ago as a fun lil pick me up distraction from the current actual horrors of being alive in 2025. Still an absolute masterpiece.

‘Don’t Tread On Me’ folks, u up? Because your boy’s doing a fair bit of treading.

the fact that a sitting US president is talking about antifascism being terrorism should tell you a lot about what he thinks his own government represents

you'd be hard-pressed to make a more compelling argument for the way things are now than that we're all trapped in the fitful dream of someone dying in front of a tv. everything that happens involves someone from tv

Exactly this

Weird that free speech suddenly seems to have developed a cover charge and a bouncer

Just thinking about how the right made up an entirely fictional left wing character that resulted in so many bomb threats and the like and nobody will face consequences. But people on the left who accurately clocked the victim’s life work lost jobs.

Over the Garden Wall

Putting away all the "CIVIL WAR NOW" banners at the news station and bringing out the "Mental Health Crisis in America" banners with a heavy sigh

Once again… Racism is not a different political opinion. It’s racism.

America does this insane thing where the moment someone dies they become the greatest person who has ever lived.

‘Roxanne, what’s it like having kids in school in the U.S. right now?’ Well, let me tell you. roxanneparis.substack.com/p/another-on...

Might have been a mistake to put America Online.

sad about future

This bolt looks like a Tyrannosaurus Rex getting ready to chomp a formation at Blue Mesa in Arizona’s Petrified Forest National Park. Photo by Hallie Larsen, National Park Service.

Every time anyone asks RFK Jr a question he doesn't want to answer he always says "i'D LiKe tO sEe tHe dATa" and the only thing I can imagine him doing with data is eating it

always a deadsmaid, never a dead

thank you for coming to my big announcement that was planned for weeks and not thrown together at the last second to get ahead of speculation that my health is in decline. alabama (taking a huge huff of a mysterious gas like dennis hopper in blue velvet) is in charge of space

If you’re in favor of shutting down museum exhibitions or banning books because they make you feel bad, that’s a pretty good tip that you deserve to feel bad.

this is how your email finds me

My birthday is coming up

I wrote this three school shootings ago. roxanneparis.substack.com/p/my-gun-is-...

IT DOESN’T IT DOESN’T DO THAT AT ALL IT REFRAMES PREVENTABLE DEATHS AS INEVITABLE AND VICTIMS AS WILLING MARTYRS WHO ARE ACTUALLY BETTER OFF DEAD NOW IT IS A DIABOLICAL THING TO SAY IF YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO STOP THIS SHIT AND REFUSING TO DO IT

My number one worry when I send my kids to school is not "Will they be bullied?" or "What if they get too much homework?" It is "Will today be the last time I see them alive?" "Is today our school's turn to become a national headline because we live in a country that love guns more than kids?"

Live interviews with children who just experienced inconceivable but preventable trauma is American pornography.

The mental health benefits of not knowing any history right now must be massive. Moving through your day with total equanimity. What happens next? Who knows? Maybe something good

I know this is not the main point of this article but “New World Screw Worm” is an excellent name for a flesh-eating parasite. apple.news/A0vr55ZO-Qzi...

This They Might Be Giants TONIGHT SHOW performance of "Birdhouse In Your Soul" from 1990 remains firmly lodged in my noggin thanks to the Tonight Show Band's full commitment and Doc Severinsen's incredible trumpeting... It took an already great song and made it transcendent.

things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room and you only went in there sometimes

Finally some good news

I feel like a team of entry level Nazis are just Ratatouille-ing a senile Donald at this point. It truly would not surprise me if they’re using AI to write his tweets now. That first sentence is way more complex than how he actually speaks because his brain is oatmeal.

we are NOT scared of getting hit by another hoagie. we dress like call of duty enemies for different reasons (insecurity)

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We only rate dogs. This is a southern sleepy seal pup. Please read her a short but comforting bedtime story, and only send dogs. Thank you… 13/10 (credit Brie the Chi)

hell is empty and all the devils are here

Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.

No one in the game is doing it quite as good as @petridishes.bsky.social. (The game being lampooning this goober in a smart, hilarious way.) The repurposed Lolita intro with tariffs was beautiful. 😂

I need every single person discussing Donald Trump to be doing it the way that South Park is discussing Donald Trump. He’s dumb, dangerous, and cruel and he should be mocked relentlessly.

they should invent a world situation that doesn't require you to be horrified and outraged 24/7

If this horse woke me up from anesthesia it would immediately kill me

The fact that the President of the United States posts a fake video of a kneeling Barack Obama being handcuffed and we’re supposed to pretend it’s perfectly normal, everyday stuff shows exactly what is terribly wrong with today’s political mainstream media.

basking sharks Sarah-Kim Watchorn "Charle and I had the best day out there. just Ireland doing its thing. Finally showing you guys some footage that has been patiently waiting on my hard drive"

The Onion is the only “newspaper” with reading at this point.

before we jump to any conclusions, maybe theres a legitimate reason he wrote cryptic little love notes to the worlds most famous pedophile

designing a disguise for people who already have glasses and mustache 🥸

If you put googly eyes on the Pillars of Creation you get muppets 😄😄