Leave it to America to invent an even worse type of cops. Abolish ICE and salt the earth where it stood.

Just wanting to join ICE - a club for kidnapping murderers - is a sign you don't belong in society and should probably be deported to an offshore prison.

Linus said snitches get stitches and fuck ICE.

Just wanting to join ICE - a club for kidnapping murderers - is a sign you don't belong in society and should probably be deported to an offshore prison.

Call me a dreamer but I think I would prefer a government that doesn't kill us with impunity and then lie about it.

ICYMI: We invited @seanthomason.bsky.social of @rifftrax.com to chat with us about a dismaying kiddie flick, FUN IN BALLOON LAND! Get the episode FREE at our Patreon…if you dare 🎈 www.patreon.com/posts/143748...

Been rewatching Golden Girls. Grew up with the dub, it's crazy how different the sub is.

Science fiction predicted a lot of things but not how often the robots would fall over.

Eastbound & Down

Wanna feel old? The insurrection was five years ago today and we still don't know who did it! It's a total mystery!!

Guys I responded to an Indeed posting and now I’ve got a temp job “running Venezuela.” I’m a little over my head here.

Pretty wild that when they were newly established in 1937 they had the foresight to call the company Old Spice. It’s like they knew.

Perfectly camouflaged apex predator.

They should make an Avengers but with Marty Supreme, the twins from Sinners, Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin from Naked Gun, and pretty much every character in One Battle After Another.

How about my reps call me for a change.

Where I grew up it wasn't just roadside vendors, there were Desert Storm shirts for sale at Walmart and every gas station and a lot of other stores, half the kids in my 5th grade class had one.

Side by side at the thrift store… makes you think…

Overheard two women at the bar: “Diva you look good, you should be Selena for Halloween!” “Aw thanks girl, I love Selena Gomez.” “No bitch, I mean the REAL Selena.”

Nothing like waking up on a peaceful rainy Sunday and catching up on the morning atrocities.

My whole life, advocating war has been fed to me as “the adult position,” akin to drinking your coffee black or reading the business section of the newspaper. Let’s be very clear — war is the childish nonsense of impulsive destructive idiots playing baby-brained video games with real human lives.

15 years ago the woman I was dating posted this photo on facebook with the caption “Sean’s entire freezer.” I got freezer doxxed.

This guy’s never met a moment he could meet.

Imagine someone illegally abducting your nation’s leader and taking them away. Must be nice.

Am I seriously supposed to care about how things ended up with them Stranger Things kids? That was a million year ago. I’m a grown man.

I think I need Tarantino to talk shit about some generally well-liked actors again. I think maybe we all do.

The holidays were A Challenge but I’m at my favorite bar and they’re playing the Kinks “Arthur” album in its entirety and it’s important to remember life can be very good.

Carmen Cerra @carmenart.bsky.social did this poster for the @rifftrax.com release of “Beyond The Ring” and it’s so amazingly stunning and fantastic. This is art. I almost wanna label it “graphic media”.

Busey! Kove! MMA Vanity Project! Put up your dukes for the first of 2026 - Beyond The Ring is now available! rifftrax.com/beyond-the-r...

The fucking intro animation for movies on HBO in the 80s was better than most actual movies now. Sorry if you never saw it, I’m not posting a link. We live in a toilet.

Hi, I’m my own colon.

Saw a young guy walking home on New Years Day whose jeans clearly got destroyed somehow last night but he was holding them up with both hands trying to be nonchalant. Cue “Cats in the Cradle.”

All right everyone, we gave it our best shot but all we can do now is hope for better things in 2027.

Just staying up to midnight is now my equivalent of “going out.”

Nothing is built to last anymore. We already need a new year and we just got the last one a year ago.

The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.

Going to see Marty Supreme. I assume that’s just Marty with sour cream. This joke isn’t good but it is free.

A fellow survivor 🙏🚽

Brigitte Bardot has gotta be one of the horniest names. It’s like the “exposed cleavage” of names.

Y’all ever walk into a public restroom and immediately whisper “Jesus Christ”

I’m in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee with my family and there is a Paula Deen restaurant across the street. Every time I turn around the Paula Deen restaurant is closer. I feel her hand on my shoulder. She giggles softly.

Mom: It’s such a shame what happened to that family. Sister: I know, after all they’ve been through already. Brother-in-law: I used to play ball with the youngest one. Good guy. Dad (hard of hearing): I wore this watch into the ocean in 2013, and it was fine. It’s titanium.

I’m a Christmas movie, Greg. Can you milk me?

It’s Christmas Eve, end of the calendar, and we are finishing BIG. Literally the biggest figure, a massive red-eyed Woodstock. “What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”

It's time to accept it: by comparison you're not that awful

Oh, turns out the new Knives Out movie is actually good like people said. I figured everyone was just full of shit.

Sometimes you think you’re a pretty smart guy who’s got it together. Then you try to wrap a gift.

I had no idea how much of cable news now is someone freezing on zoom with a Santa figurine behind them while talking casually about pedophilia.

A big rubber nipple. Cartman’s hat. This is December 23rd. Amazon has much to answer for.

Being home is a good time to find out exactly how many sitcoms there are now that are “The Office but in a ________.”