Report: Oh, Fuck Yeah, Egg Yolk Dripping All Over Sandwich https://theonion.com/report-oh-fuck-yeah-egg-yolk-dripping-all-over-sandw-1819579733/

Real “My stuffed animals get jealous if I don’t pay enough attention to them” energy

when you see there’s a new close friends story and you have to prepare yourself to see it >>>>>>

He’s so—-

i'm gonna go die in the woods! !!

Right now your most annoying coworker is probably obsessed with Punch the monkey, I don’t make the rules

Every single element of life is either more deadly, more expensive or more inconvenient (often all three) today than it’s been in decades & it’s purely because our robber baron overlords decided to dedicate the entirety of the US apparatus to doing barbaric & culturally suicidal white nationalism

Who is going to write the definitive piece about the endemic use of generative AI in the bear community

Sickos: haha yes

The Supreme Court:

And Gen X-ers

It should be illegal for bears to have access to generative AI

"Journalism is better when it's backed by live markets" is the kinda cursed phrase you never even imagined could be written.

People whose entire personality is that it is still winter <<<<<<<<<

propaganda works. I suspect it probably works better on people who think they're immune to it

STOP MAKING ME LOOK AT RFK AND KID ROCK!!!!!

I cannot stress how much I fucking hate it the how stupid American voters are…

its amazing how chatgpt knows everything about subjects I know nothing about, but is wrong like 40% of the time in things im an expert on. not going to think about this any further

the airports of the world should hold an annual competition to see who has the worst chicken caesar wrap

Similarly, if someone posts genAI art, don’t fuck them, or whatever John Waters said.

more justified “FUCK ICE” chants #AEWGrandSlam

happy valentine’s day to all the girls, gays, and theys that suck dick like it’s a calling and not a job

Anyone?

tcw watching the birth of a nation (1915): “this is tumblr’s fault“

I truly don’t get how normal people are still on Twitter. The minute you could pay for engagement it lost the juice for me, and that was before it became a nazi nest. If you haven’t encountered a dealbreaker yet I almost think you need to do some self reflection

tell it to the hague, buddy

The whales have organized their own bear week we're FUCKED

Hasn’t been this big of a moral panic over a man’s hips since Elvis

We should make an exception for her in regards to using the r word

This kind of smart, walkable, mixed-use urbanism is illegal to build in most American cities.

Lol fuck Fox News forever evil dorks

This is really what separates Trump from Stephen Miller. He'll make it 11/14ths of the way through the 14 words and then stop to complain about Mike Tirico.

I'm hardly the first person to note this, but it's enormously instructive that our President and his followers saw the message "THE ONLY THING MORE POWERFUL THAN HATE IS LOVE" and understood it, correctly, as an attack on them

Nation Furious After Realizing Super Bowl Ad For Kindness https://theonion.com/nation-furious-after-realizing-super-bowl-ad-for-kindness/

tfw you leave Plato’s cave awfulannouncing.com/nfl/pat-mcaf...

we’re not doing this under Woke 2 sorry not sorry

JD Vance loudly booed at the Winter Olympics today.

the little shit wanted to be famous and now he is

Batman Forever (1995)

Is this good chat

Man Who Lost Everything In Crypto Just Wishes Several Thousand More People Had Warned Him https://theonion.com/man-who-lost-everything-in-crypto-just-wishes-several-t-1848764551/

Me watching the crypto crash: