You eat one amazing peach then spend the rest of your life buying lousy peaches trying to repeat the experience. Forever chasing that peach dragon; that’s how good it was.

This is all coming straight from Keith.

RIP A pro’s pro and always a pleasure to see in anything www.theguardian.com/film/2026/ju...

The news should be covering ICE like a serial killer on the loose

Host: Let's play Wheel Of Ornithology! Me: Are there any jays? Host: No sorry Me: I'd like to buy an owl

Anybody drop their health potion?

Dear Google, how dare you so precisely suggest something I, before now, had absolutely no need for and yet desperately and immediately desire to own!

I really only follow people who interact with me in some way & after screening their bio so, don't take it personally. I'm not collecting followers, I'm curating them.

Rigor tortoise sets in.

smoke alarm: *low battery chirp* pink floyd about to write echoes: holy shit

Everyone in The Five-Star Weekend is way too good for it, but I'll never say no to a lightly melodramatic limited series dripping in obscene wealth

Stefan Johansson (Swedish, 1876–1955) Street Lights along Klarälven River, 1941. Watercolor and tempera on canvas, 47.5 x 37.1 cm. #art #painting #artist #BlueSkyArt

Housework so not worth the effort

"Wash your knees"❤️

The subtle difference in taste among tomatoes depending on which of my deceased relatives I used as fertilizer

As a kid I never imagined I’d be richer than my dad, older than Batman, and smarter than the President.

I don't understand the question and therefore refuse to provide an answer.

Ya know it’s like when someone’s givin you a hard time & a crow just swoops down & starts peckin out their eyes

I'm not a violent person but if you’re a mosquito I’ll smash your fucking face in

i am sometimes overwhelmed that there are at least a billion trillion stars in the universe - more than all the grains of sand on earth guys who drive a stick shift: yeah i drive a stick shift

standing outside the last blockbuster in Oregon with a boombox begging pls bring back the 90’s

If by "morning person" you mean I wake up at 4 am staring into the inky blackness imagining horrific outcomes, then yes, I'm a morning person.

I'll eat candy and go straight to bed. You can't boss me.

god, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and also a billion dollars

With age, comes hiccups.

[unrolling the sleeve of my white t-shirt to reveal a tight pack of unwashed lettuce]

Things used to seem funnier. I don't know if they really were, but it seemed that way.

I put on a low-budget production of Romeo and Juliet with my peel-and-eat shrimp. Spoiler alert, EVERYONE DIES

LMAOOO, Kash Patel had to cancel his trip to his girlfriend and go straight to the White House because of all his bullshit jet setting. I hope they fire his goofy ass.

Chutes and Ladders should just be called Slides.

oh baby please don't try to help me, you know what they say about trying to help an Irishman

"rogue AI" seems a redundant phrase

America has so much experience being trapped in wars we started with no way out, we should be experts in it by now.

Because no one in the White House has an actual job and they do not actually do any real work whatsoever, they have a lot of free time for the most ridiculous bullshit you can possibly conjure.

It was not that long ago that George W. Bush had an insurmountable lock on the Worst President Ever title. At the time, it was lock Wilt Chamberlain's 100 game. Impossible to imagine anyone surpassing it, let alone being so much worse that people don't even remember how bad W. was.

THERAPIST: We need to work on your maturity issues. ME: We need to work on YOUR maturity issues. THERAPST: Please stop copying me. ME: Please stop copying ME.

Still not going

Hey… remember when Sec Def Lloyd Austin went into the hospital for 3 days and didn’t tell anyone and Republicans lost their fucking minds? Now they’re totally cool with Mitch McConnell being MIA for a MONTH! Not a peep. No concern. No condemnation. Their hypocrisy is staggering…

Wait -they’re flammable? www.wrtv.com/news/local-n...

“Even cheaper than Ryanair!” is Malta Air’s slogan www.nytimes.com/2026/07/10/w...

A man carrying carpet samples and flooring materials was spotted leaving McConnell's Capitol Hill residence despite the senator being hospitalized.

I need your HS yearbook

Trump is like a dog peeing on everything to mark his territory

What is it going to take? What's the one step too far? Destroying the postal service? Nope. Illegal war? Apparently not. Manipulating the stock market? Doubtful. Having sex with a 13-year-old? Not even THAT.

I will never, ever forgive GOP and GOP voters for all the hell they continually put American and the world thru. Never, ever.

my name is Ty, or Brent. i am 42 years old. i think hearing Spanish is the worst thing that can happen to a person. i have sexually harassed every woman who works at the nearby starbucks. all my sons are named Bryson. last year i drunk drove my dodge ram into a day care center

i hope they remembered to save their game first

They always have trillions of dollars for illegal wars in the Mideast, but SCOFF in your face and clutch their pearls when you ask for universal healthcare. You are all being played.