If my blue and red lobelias dont bloom by the 4th it means 6 more months of fascism

All your faves deliberately contribute to context collapse in order to in-group signal

I have 9 new native plant species that im putting in the ground tomorrow and I even managed to pick out spots for them

due to budget cuts, stupidity is now malice

introducing a bill requiring all students to learn how to make the cool S

could be a raccoon part, i don't know em all

The roman senate has a chance to do the funniest thing

a flying saucer has emptied my cattle of their once plentiful beef, leaving them weak and baggy

It’s really a combination of stupidity and sociopathy that we haven’t seen since like “abused teenage lead poisoned emperor” type historical figures

There is a problem with the sauce

1. A deadbeat descendant of 18th century white "settlers" 2. An anchor baby, steelworker, and WW2 vet

What is the crime? A succulent benzo?

You think "the online left" is unhinged, dog please talk to an independent voter IRL. They want universal healthcare and abolish taxes. They want to dissolve the coast guard. They want to rename the army the coast guard. They want their alien implants removed, and they also want more alien implants

*jumps on your jive, wails

They're calling Tony Passarelli the Will Stancil of Vandergrift, PA

“I’m the Spud now”

Border Patrol Agent Exar Kun

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"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Jeffrey" i holler as i overturn a brazier at the billionaire party and turn this Eyes Wide Shut into Eyes Wide Shit

Posting this to X, Threads, and Bluesky as an experiment

South Side. 3000 Sidney Street. Caller is with ICE and says that protestors have them blocked in.

George Thorogood voice, "ONE CHICKUHN, ONE BROC, AND ONE 'TILLA."

Under my proposed legislation, all Agents will be forced to maintain a stack of business cards with a customer service fax number. If your rights are violated, simply request a card from the offending agent and submit a review of the encounter to the number provided

*Leaning down so the child can smell the tobacco on my breath* you’re a poopy butt baby, and you don’t know shit

a few small bears

Its an R2-D2 instant pot and it was a gift!

I DECLARE A PROVISIONAL AUTHORITY

The Trump admin is what happens when you run the Bush admin through AI.

Can't believe they named the baby Twelve

That’s a Blair Witch Toilet

It’s almost like pedophiles redacted it.

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

Ive been thinking about this tie all day

i want to be clear about this: worker’s rights also includes the right to be free from racist or sexist or gendered abuse at your job.

Establishment Claus

Sits backwards on chair: "Let me tell you a story about ANOTHER carpenter who stood up to a corrupt and murderous regime."

Thrilled to unveil Food 2, my company's radical disruption of the nutrition space. Some Food 2 facts: - first food on the blockchain - Food 2 Premium is ad-free - Wi-Fi enabled - comes in three flavors (Flavor A, Berry, and Flavor C) - Food 2.1 (2027) will have live betting odds/make you immortal

I could never become a right winger grifter. I’m too talented. I’ve never received a zero or came in fifth place in my life.

its also, crucially, made all of us worse. some of us by a lot, others by just a little. but a piece of all of us has rotted away by necessity of having to accept this in order to go on with our lives, or by refusing to accept it and bearing the strain of that

👉👈what if we kissed in the Bedroom 4 Full Bath #3

Im no math doctor but I think this works out to 0.08 grams per "dose of cocaine" and that seems kinda stingy doj why you holding out we pitched on this too

“I was just following otters.”

Not mine. Not good. But…

I love that in all these pictures Zohran essentially becomes a Zohran Mamdani cardboard cutout, and Trump looks like he's best friends with it.

You know Trump swallowed the guy destroys evidence every chance he gets.

bring back maligning racism as the mark of a stupid person. prejudice is the mark of an idiot. if you believe that shit i bet you also don’t wipe your ass

My "we have chicken noodle soup" paper towel has people raising questions already answered by the towel.