I’m curious which athletics program is going to be the first to be folded and have their real estate sold off to developers by a PE firm.

My Cousin Blimpie

Army needs to bring back woke and LGBTQ+ Lotsa Good Blocking, Tackling and Quarterbacking + not losing to an FCS team

Sushi and the Banh-Mis

Once you understand that a driving principle of American politics is there is no such thing as a compassionate solution that's cheap enough or a cruel solution that's too expensive, a lot of things click into place.

Anyway, here's return fire.

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

you might think “goodness that second category encompasses a lot of people” and you’re absolutely right

“are you going to leave a positive legacy for your grandchildren?”

“Hush now, be still. Soon you shall be one of us.”

Camus: Under conditions so desperate, the hard, marvelous task of this century is to create justice in the most unjust of worlds, and to protect freedom from those souls who, out of principle, choose servitude. If we fail, man will return to darkness. But at least we will have fought to find light.

It is 2002. I am 18 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2008. I am 24 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2020. I am 36 years old. We are in a once-in-a-generation economic crisis. It is 2025. I am 41 years old. We are in a—

We simply had to intentionally destroy the world’s strongest economy while dismantling our scientific and educational infrastructure to ensure that a team with a trans girl would never finish second place in the Mountain West volleyball standings again

YOU IDIOTS! ITS AN ELECTRIC POKEMON! WATER-TYPE MOVES DON'T WORK AGAINST IT!!!

amen. gen x had it the hardest. we all remember staying out all day, drinking water from a garden hose, befriending the garden hose, falling in love with the garden hose, losing your virginity to the garden hose.

Heard real-life baby alligator noises and had to do an animation.

And i grab both of them by the hand …. In circle prayer… tell the greater congregation to stretch their hands towards these two perverts and ask big sandals for success😭

“Maybe the real World Series is the series of memories we made along the way?”

eating those IBS fuel fries while lying in an actual gutter giving come-hither eyes to the nearest flash flood

ERIC ADAMS: I want to thank you, as a brother from another mother, for seeing in your heart to set me free, from this witch hunt TRUMP: you were remarkable in the space jam, you did such wonderful things against the monstars

One of our supporters shared this with us—people are getting creative tonight!

I had one. Until some dude from my wife’s hometown was digitizing his high school basketball games from like 25 years ago and uncovered the video of my wife getting sniped at half time. I was told it didn’t exist.

Drake is the all-time biggest loser of a rap feud and that includes people who have gotten shot and died as a result of rap feuds

Snoop Dogg must have a hefty tax bill due.

happy super bowl to all

leaving the cruelty aside for just a minute it's absolutely humiliating to imagine being my age or older and getting excited because you think you've been given permission to say a bad word. what are you gonna do next, ride your tricycle past the end of the block

oh, youre here from tik tok? (chuckle's lightly ) Is that like reddit for babies

the important thing (mac and cheese hack): 1 cup of water, 1 cup of milk, some butter, the cheese packet, and the box of mac and cheese in the pan all at once for a better, easier mac

Team Call Them Skeets reporting for duty 🫡

HATCH SAFELY

[mesoamerican sex & the city] charlotte: I just don’t think I’m sold on this whole “human sacrifice” thing. I mean I like the Sun and Moon, but… samantha: I’d love it if a man plunged something 8” right into me, even if he is a priest carrie: big is moving to Tlaxcala

Now canon for me

Houston shutout again. Willie Fritz is gonna win coach of the year if he can get this team into a bowl within three years.

If only we knew what kind of whale RDK Jr chopped up we could make some clever spermaceti jokes right now.

My cold and well considered take on generative text AI: I don’t want to take the time to read what nobody took the time to write

Be the horror you want to see in the woods. 👏👏👏

I am an existentialist and I approve this message.

USA hasn’t manufactured anything but consent since we stopped making Pontiacs.

If there was ever a time for the NFL to do it, they gotta get Billy Joel to do the Super Bowl Halftime Show this coming season.