what's the opposite of ate? barfed? as in "you really barfed with this one bestie"

if i die before my mom does her friends are going to use AI to generate pics of me as an angel and that's why i refuse to kill myself

turn in your pronouns and your blue hair. youre off the case

bro my following tab “ends” after 24h now and just shows me discover 😭

don't let the past hold you down. yesterday's eyeliner is today's eyeshadow

me: "did you see that girl" jade: "no i was busy thinking about your feet"

Marketing opportunity of a lifetime if Popeyes hires him.

The culprit cooked biscuits, shrimp and fries, police say

This is honestly so good in so many ways that are, whether by design or no, a rebuke to the aesthetic tyranny of the big budget, the phantom “general public,” etc, public access is strictly better than what we decided instead to pay for. Stop me before I thinkpiece but honestly though

clavicular has nothing on androgenic

substack is a set of suppliments that helps you take larger orders

sitting in the bank drive thru and a grenade comes down the pneumatic tube and blows me to shit, assassinating me

my ✌🏻love language✌🏻 is kitten language actuallu

none of them have oiled up twinks in them so idk if any are really that notable

quoting this because i always forget what this zombie movie is called

why is there no informal word like girl woman man boy guy dude chick broad bloke without gender except kid

don’t get me wrong i love girl cock and boy pussy but surely there exists a secret third menu for nonbinary gooch

I can't believe how many politicians are saying "let's ban trans people from public life, but in a way that is respectful". Are you fucking thick? Who is this for?

onlyfans has lost its way. a lot of the users arent even fans, theyre just people looking for pornography. makes me sick..

thoughts on if my voice sounded like rainbow dash

my horny ass could never have steve carrell as my bottom surgeon

sure make your lazy jokes. don't even think about the ppl hurt by them. make your crack about "an egg fried this rice" not even thinking about that poor cook in the back of the restaurant making you a delicious meal. sweating half to death because she won't take off that oversized hoodie

the prevalence of AI images sucks in innumerable ways. but it's also given us the ability to feel total elation in knowing when you've found an Extremely Raw Picture that isn't AI, but is in fact a genuine picture of a guy in a Xenomorph suit pouring you a tumbler of vodka

jesus like genuinely all of the main characters of futurama are voiced by billy west except leela bender and kif

marry the music. fuck the conductor. kill the orchestra

married to the music. experiencing emotional detachment from the music. serving divorce papers to the music. taking the kids from the music 🎶

genius. thank you. they even come w the little wand. what that do

imagine not fucking the orchestra. couldn't be me

th...thanks?

(emerging from the bathroom after pooping at ur girlfriend’s house for the first time) damn ur toilet is an absolute BEAST

Adrienne, I'm back! I was rescued!

ok so what does chud mean

day to day i just kinda forget that the back half of the life of a showgirl exists so i don't have to try and reconcile it with the rest of taylor swift's artistic output

What if instead of inkmaster it was think master and the competition was who thinks the best instead of tattoos

Astronomers keep finding black holes in a "forbidden" mass gap, but now we know why: they eat each other when they're born in star clusters. badastronomy.beehiiv.com/p/farewell-m... 🧪 🔭

Installed a new thermostat yesterday in my new house. Feel free to call me for all your home diy needs. #homeowner

i need to acquire a large company and subtly but effectively fill them with socialist ideals and make them succeed so all the big tech losers have a new role model

you know how badly you have to fuck up to throw a WORLD CUP and have nobody come?

sending my stupid neighbor to space to see how he likes zero gravity. fuck you Gary, eat shit. hope you enjoy no oxygen. maybe next time you wont mock me for my holiday decorations.

her pussy is tight bc she compresses it with winrar

I want a girl with a shot foot and a looooooooong penis

optomistic 20th century sci fi writers: the future will have flying cars pessimistic 20th century sci fi writers: the future will be the torment nexus 2026: don't type the word "you" into the search bar or the machine will try to roleplay with you

[473 missed calls from the louvre]