whats the point of living when they dont even put that much yummy dust on doritos anymore

Claude is down :/ so I’m just running my sink

does anyone else ever get hungry for food or is that just me

y'know the moms were right why DO we ever accept anything that isn't high waisted

unworn baby shoes? in this economy?

dont cum in my eyes and tell me its raining

If I'm being honest, and I'm not,

lesbian tradwifism

transgender day of vengeance

she said to me the nine most beautiful words in the english language: “do you wanna hold my dick while i pee?”

her name is chicken

what people sound like when they say i asked claude

premarital jiu-jitsu

just engaged in a little premarital hand holding, sorry god 😎

I love pickles. If you like pickles, we can be friends. Then we can enjoy them together. If you DON'T like pickles, we can be friends. Then you can give me your pickles.

age regressing to 2 days ago so i can eat that italian sub again

not now kitten, daddy has to make pizza

you, a sexy construction worker. me, a wall that needs to come down

what if my girlfriend only likes me because i’m nice and funny and cute and a good person and because i buy her things and take her places and show her off and love her so much

A lil scoop of cookies n cream

This is Lenny. He prefers to hold your hand while you go downstairs. He's not taking any chances. 13/10 (IG: _wanderingwallace_)

are monogrammed towels a red flag

yesterday my gf said “i would actually go so crazy for an ice water right now” do u think she might be 6 penguins in a trenchcoat or like what’s going on there

You could say that Rock n Roll was born 111 years ago today in Arkansas, but probably not where you'd think. Before there was a Chuck Berry or Little Richard, there was those who wanted to be like her. Rosetta Nubin better known as Sister Rosetta Tharpe, the godmother of Rock was born on this day

we should all take the day off I think

pet play but i am a fish and fear you

my boss: “don’t forget to check whether the new hire is for the america or ireland site” me, processing the ticket for Niamh O’Connor: “…uh, yea, that’s not gonna be a problem”

if oomf becomes ooyf does that make them ooof

im going “AI MODE” (spouting off incomprehensible nonsense to amuse morons)

ok google shuffle mildly stressful music to recreationally suffer to

Stoppe callinge it a "Tinye Deske Concert" yf you are not goinge to let the Tinye Deske sing

he's running for office

Beautiful Dream About Blowing Own Brains Out Interrupted By Work Alarm

do you like my friend

(doc brown voice) lube? where we’re going we don’t need lube 💦