this slaps honestly

i have a new job where if you're hospitalized you can pay me to rush into the hospital, talk to a receptionist and then a doctor, and then stand sadly at your bedside. i'm lossfully employed.

google has replaced the google meet camera logo with a yellow tang

there’s music for literally every activity

mother's day is a ploy by Big Mother to sell you more mother

“excellent rowing, men! but you know what? I think we should once again lash me to the mast.” “but the sirens are well behind us, king odysseus—“ “sirens? what are you..? oh, right! yeah. yes! well, you know, you can never… you can never be too careful. lash me up, boys! tight!”

i don't think a single day to celebrate star wars is enough, which is why earlier this year i observed an entire month: imperial march

We Have 17 Sights to Show You -- You Won't Believe Number 11!

Isn’t that the truth.

Me on my first day back to work after my vacation: Fuck I need a vacation

the falcon cannot hear the falconer, charlie brown

Endless cycle

WHO FUCKING CARES

vote harder, that'll fix this

i'm on a tight deadline to build a small frankenstein but so far i only have one of the body parts i need. i've gotten a little behind.

This is my daughter, Hormuz, and my son, Fafo

Can we get 10,000 RTs for this

United Airlines has updated its contract of carriage to stipulate that "passengers who fail to use headphones while listening to audio or video content" can be refused travel or removed from the aircraft. https://cnn.it/4lKOYx1

republicans are in charge of everything and they are getting everything theyve ever wanted and doing everything theyve ever wanted and the world is on fire and the global world order is collapsing. is there a correlation? who can say

i bought an electric guitar made out of palladium. it's pretty metal

my hottest take is that we need to stop enabling chronic self deprecation outside of a joking context. responding to “my art sucks” with “no ur arts great“ does nothing but normalize bad coping mechanisms. we should be praising self confidence and emotional maturity instead

hmm? no, no relation, but i am a big metal fan.

me spending money on fun stuff: haha fuck yeah!!! yes! me working to earn money: well this fucking sucks. what the fuck.

wrong answers only

if a shark bites you, you should turn into a shark why do only vampires wield such power

please... my tones... they are so def...

C. S. Lewis tried to warn us about AI

are you there god? it's a me, mario

tech bro is short for technically broken

thanks @jnd.bsky.social

who wuthers the wutherers?

Depression on the streets, anxiety in the sheets

no disrespect, but I'm not subscribing to your Substack for reasons that should be obvious if you google words like "substack" and "nazis"

Seems like the Epstein files are full of billionaires and not immigrants.

it is a wild sickness to try and find evidence or reason for why someone's life should have value to the state. When lives are ended by cops in the street the defence is always that they were peaceful and law abiding, as if the opposite would mean they somehow deserved what bullets claimed them.

regarding the fellatio scenes in heated rivalry, has anyone ever considered saying "hockey-tuah" for a little silly joke

Ohio, this man does NOT have to be our next Governor. Amy Acton is the person for the job.

...it's become very clear to me that kids hate jazz and being cool.

she auld my acquaintance til i forgot

immigrants are good actually

Some of you will believe any horrific allegation about our president merely because it's fully consistent with who he is

gavin newsom? yeah i "knew some" stuff about how he Sucks

This tweet from Big Balls says the new “Tech Force” website is their first using the “America Design System.” Here are just a few reasons why that sucks. 🧵

"erika kirk" is an anagram of "i re-air kkk"

It's fucked up that the new generation of Furries have to get converted by copaganda instead of a slick ass criminal.

Also hate weird cutesy names for Twitter like "the other place" or "the bad place," especially from people who are still active users there. Being coy and twee about your use of a site that's actively pushing bigotry and fascism onto the world doesn't make it innocent, it just makes it more gross.

*sees midnight strike on 10/31* 🎶it’s the most wonderful time of the yeaaaar🎶

you, uncouth, a grinch: noooo you can't start listening to christmas music until thanksgiving is over me, wise, full of spirit: holiday spirit is not a zero-sum game and i can celebrate them all in joyous overlapping waves