whatever. let’s get high

Election Night 2024. We cut to a @thebeaverton.com pitch meeting. We are brainstorming headlines for Trump's second term. "He'll create 'The Patriot Games,'" I say. "Like the Hunger Games, but dumber." "He can't," my editors say. "That would break satire forever." We laugh. That's true. It would.

bro, you can’t pull a Patriot Games while you’re actively doing a Clear and Present Danger 🤦🏻‍♀️

the "Kubrick Stare" is one of Stanley Kubrick's most recognizable directorial techniques, a method of shot composition where a character stares at the camera with a forward tilt, to convey to the audience that the character in question is at the peak of their derangement

it's "pro-democracy" when you overthrow another nation's leadership violently. i heard it on Fox news

I hope that the people looking at fraud and dealing with fraud don't cut programs in response. That money belongs to the people with disabilities in this state and is meant to keep them living in community. PLEASE get the fraud under control so we can deliver better services.

I spent $1000 at Foot Locker, but not a single one of these shoes came with a foot.

The key difference is American contestants will be required to raise all four fingers.

McVay comes into the locker room and catches Puka working on his new celly

Sure seems like that if any elite tells you the Epstein Files are not a big deal they're really telling on themselves.

Rep. Leigh Finke statement on proposed rules and actions from HHS on Trans Health Care

I literally JUST ate a salami/cheese/jalapeño omelet bc I ran out of diced ham. I still think I could eat more salami.

FUCKIN FACTS 💯

They really think that a war will produce a rally-round-the-flag effect and there is no one in the room with half a brain to explain to Trump that a 2nd term president with a worsening economy gets slammed for a war. Destabilizing South America is going to create so many problems

A Lord of the Rings cover band called Wind Rose.

WTF? ICE is arguing in court that US CITIZENS can be detained, handcuffed, and biometrically screened unless they can prove citizenship on the spot. And that a REAL ID isn't enough. This isn't border security.

When he’s freed he’s gonna get so much pussy his dick falls off

Omg dude we get it you’re a Republican

Do not, and I mean DO NOT, eat your thc gummy stash because you are craving sweets.

Opinion: You Can Be a Progressive and Still Hunt the Homeless for Sport – Guest Column by Gavin Newsom

Here are the 28 Dem Senators who voted to advance the first federal ban on trans athletes & a federal definition of sex that would make trans & intersex people non-existent: Angela Alsobrooks (MD), Tammy Baldwin (WI), Richard Blumenthal (CT), Lisa Blunt Rochester (DE), Chris Coons (DE), ->

One of the biggest moments of my career: USCIS canceled my client’s naturalization oath ceremony. We filed a lawsuit, went to trial, and the judge swore him in right there in the courtroom!

Bologna sandwiches slap

dude i have no idea what online clout is i just want to come here and be stupid

That was a fantastic play by Tua. Could have used more of that *before* the game was practically unwinnable.

The eyes are the tits of the face

The Ravens can't even catch a break on their day off.

I just said "Arigato" to my cat in an Italian accent, in case you're wondering how much kief was in that bowl.

What's the matter babe? You've barely touched the self-help books you bought to stop being a lying-ass cheat.

SpaceX should build Air force 1

You mean the shit I was screaming for on the burn unit during dressing changes? Coolcoolcool

We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner

I need the reaper to get better aim. We're only asking for one thing and this muthafukka keeps doing drive-by's in the wrong hood.

How many Scaramuccis has it been since Trumpers were tone policing us over Charlie Kirk?

Look at this cat im drawing

Merriam-Webster’s human editors have chosen ‘slop’ as the 2025 Word of the Year.

In a movie full of great scenes and performances, the little moment from Wolf of Wall Street I'm always thinking about is Rob Reiner saying "I don't mind it."

The kid at the end looks like this legend's doppelganger. Maybe it's just me, but now I can't unsee it. 😂

Tom Brady absolutely had some intrusive thoughts in that moment

How I'm gonna be at Lambeau in two weeks. #RavensFlock

RAVENS DEFENSE SHUTOUT GOING ON RIGHT NOW 🔥🔥🔥

Incredible awareness by KVN, holy fuck 🤯

Great effort Flowers. I'm not even mad.

MORE DRIVES LIKE THAT PLEASE! #RavensFlock

Mr Podcast with the INT. OFFENSE PLEASE FUCKING DO SOMETHING!! #RavensFlock 🐦‍⬛