Abort-Unity What?

Why can't we follow accounts more than once?!? I would follow @fauxnewdalt.bsky.social at least three times just for using "pulchritudinously" in alt text! 🖤💯

Does this make today the day asster Christmass? Asking for a friend...

I wore my work uniform to the convenience store on Christmas Day so the cashier wouldn't resent me for having the day off.

Make it legendary, visit Jack Benny's vault.

Cognitive Test: Mating silverware correctly in each slot in the silverware drawer.

542-4689 for Long Tall Shorty

Christmas morning stocking stuffer Rubiks Cube, but it's trying to unravel a thong that's twisted into a ball.

Today's Fx brought to to by cataracts and THC.

I remember when government guidance was useful, like when you received a fresh towel once a week in junior high PE class. I follow that protocol to this day.

r.i.p. to Meathead

They're singing Deck The Halls But it's not like Christmas at all 'Cause I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year

How did you guys manage to fuck up the Age of Aquarius?

Uncle Jeffrey visited the fae realm last summer and came back a centaur. Gifting him a basket of mulled wine to show my support

If one must venture out in the world on December 23, @loxy.bsky.social's large guillotine earrings are pretty good for morale (mine, if no one else's).

Roberto became my new best friend, yesterday.

(wearing a plain black tee to work) Not today, I'm redacted

Competition in Nature

😂😂

What a stupid terrifying time to be alive

Tonight's dinner is consistent with my branding.

ME IN 5TH GRADE: I'll never do drugs! ME TODAY: lol I was such a nerd in 5th grade

Jaxson Hayes, SA Spurs' center, has 3PT% of 100.0 through 9+ games in 2025. How to lie with statistics

Me vs. repeated setback-based anticipatory anhedonia

The latest gas lighting in town is "You aren't giving enough context to the LLM for it to return good results."

If I were a ghost and some jackass kept trying to exploit me to go viral, I would purposely not haunt shit.

Positive yards, In the bin with: At the end of the day.

I bought you a bracelet

She says I can't call myself a stupid fuck. I'm going to save $175/hr.

I drag down the average salary of a graduate from my university.

I still think of Dan Akroyd in MY GIRL playing four bingo cards. It's more action.

memes that mean something

Cat Cora never wins her Iron Chef battles because every time she finishes a dish, she pushes it off the counter.

I conducted a thorough cleaning of the closest thing I currently have to a pet, Roosie the Vacuum, and she immediately went on a cleaning spree. We're still getting to know each other. I'm guessing she was showing her appreciation.

Climbed up both steps on the stool to change a lightbulb on a high ceiling. I'm still an athlete!

Just a great underrated track! The Who - I Can’t Reach You (The Who Sell Out, 1967). youtu.be/CSEll-S2v4c?...

oh no, is the main cause of apnea going to bed in full makeup after a sloppy bj? cuz I am FUCKED! just kidding—I rarely wear makeup

I went on a drive on Thanksgiving. One of the places I stopped was Wild Horse, Colorado. It looked like the population was about 50. Here are some pictures 😊

Get in loser, we're losers. This is the loser bus

Emergency contact? No thanks. Let me die.

Fuck everything. Murder me

quiet isn’t quiet enough, so I find new ways to soften myself

take my mind off my mind please

I’ll hold your salsa in the small of my back

Wish I wasn't the only one eating my mustache hairs.

Still alive after all I've put through my mind, and all I've put mind through.

Some short term, as in intermittent: some short term short term memory loss.