Hiding this is almost certainly confirmation that they intend to double down on losing strategies.

BAD NEWS MOTHERFUCKER

Vegemite tastes like if you could kill and eat an El Camino

All-time name. I know a lot of you out there are calling your parents right now and asking them why they didn't name you Lunch, asking your friends why they never gave you the nickname. It's because you didn't deserve it.

timeline cleanse: franky watches the garbage truck pick up the trash this morning

why aren't they throwing bread at me. what do the ducks have that i do not

ten fucking calls a day from the “loan underwriting department” please someone send these people to the hague

1. For at least 10 years, Pepsi has conspired with Walmart to force up grocery prices. That’s the shocking evidence made public today in an unsealed FTC lawsuit. The suit was abandoned in May by the Trump FTC just before it was to be un-redacted. We went to court to get it unsealed & won.

One of the many reasons AI can't produce good writing is it can't hate its own writing. It can't think to itself "Maybe I'm illiterate" during the writing process. And that's essential

sir, please do not use Epstein Email Vernacular on social media

Sam Altman: hey I made a machine that stole literally all your stuff in order to make CSAM of your child actors, sometimes it encourages people to kill themselves Disney: Holy shit here's a billion dollars Altman: the machine loses more than that each week but thank you. Soon it will become god.

Alrighty then.

Any time someone uses the term "normie," they're talking about their own version of Chuck Schumer's Bailey family. They're not talking about actual, "normal" people. They're talking about their imaginary freinds that only exist in their heads, who they imagine to be normal.

aawagga 🗣️

Ate a big Italian beef and now I feel like garbage. I will learn zero lessons from this.

I don’t know why you never criticize the mindless hordes of decomposing zombie orcs currently ravaging the castle; all I ever hear you talk about is how “Gordathan the Lazy is doing a bad job guarding the gates”, even though Gordathan is *on your side*.

I sometimes think about the difference between Reagan's "morning in America" and "Bidenomics." Some real ugly stuff rolled off the back of the 12 month calendar, and instead of a forward looking, "dark times are behind us," it was fireworks and walking with sunglasses under an economy most hated.

Our archivist found this real, paid-for, pretty rad Mr. Beef ad in the April 2004 edition of The Onion.

Sometimes the line between Dream Blunt Rotation and Nightmare Blunt Rotation gets razor thin

If you can put zero effort into something and look like you're half-assing it, you come out half an ass on top. #businessmindset #entrpreneurial #phoenixfeetfest

ever since I was a little boy I wanted to check a box to receive email updates about new products and sales

So love wobbegongs. Everything is good about the wobbegong. Its name. Its flattened Oscar the Grouch face. Its frondy bits. Its lazy life as a hungry rug. And it’s a shark. Outstanding animal 10/10

Ejected from the cafe for repeatedly muttering “sexual wellness” in a Cockney accent

Folks you may have been baffled by the “Kevin Costner presents the first Christmas” ad you just saw on ABC And I am here to make it worse by sharing with you the official poster for this blessed event

The whole reason RFK Jr is in his job is to defenestrate public health. That's not an "in spite of" situation. That's why the president nominated him and 52 senators voted for him. They don't care about his affairs or his drug use, because he's destroying public health, like they wanted.

few realize that as a cultivar of brassica oleracea, a christmas tree is, technically, genetically identical to cabbage

I really can't stand Herbstreit, man. I'd rather have Dennis Miller back making references that nobody gets than listen to this guy any more.

Someone finally tied it all together.

Once again, one of the most consistently replicated findings in the history of experiments is that giving people cash with zero strings attached has massive social benefits for those receiving the cash as well as the community around them

Why it matters

We stepped into the path of a Tomahawk Missile to do it, but we dodged a bullet with Hillary in 2016. She is a truly awful human being.

good afternoon

gimme yule gimme fire don me now with gay attire

The notion that there was ever a time in American politics when we had our minds is a delusion. We have brief moments of lucidity, where we are able to loosely contact sapience, spurred by the consequences of our pervasive stupidity, but mostly, ours is a history of violent sadism and corruption.

This is true, but I think it's reasonable to expect that there should be at least one party that stands in opposition to the political program of the Republican party, and we don't have that.

Thanks for your application, but you can only work here if your name is an unconventional spelling of Jared

So much about this sign I saw today I am still thinking about

Happy Thanksgiving, America!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I was proud of myself, after being the first of my friends to see the movie, for telling everyone that they did a great job setting it up for a sequel. I don't know what's going on with the lead characters, but supporting actors and characters carry the movie, Donny Yen especially. It's good.

My finest work:

I feel like a lot of us in the comedy world failed the world at large when we stayed silent despite knowing all about Cosby and Louis so let me say right now that Steve Martin has eaten one banjo a year for the last 25 years

it's friday

dear follower: it is important you, specifically watch this video in its entirety