Merry Christmas. You will log.

So Bari Weiss’s first real editorial intervention at CBS is to repress coverage of American concentration camps.

Does anyone wanna see a really good Getty image of Rita Moreno and Sam The Eagle having dinner in 1979?

At SNL I worked with artists who made the funniest, stupidest graphics in no time flat. Some of my biggest jokes would have been impossible without these geniuses building an insane image or finding the perfect real-life photo of a politician. Sucks that their work is being pushed aside for slop.

Stealworkers

A famous guy I was a fan of sent an email during the pandemic just being like "hey I like your show, great job" and it meant a ton to me. So ever since I've tried to reach out whenever I really like something and just tell the people who made it "I really like this, thanks for making it!"

Here’s my Spotify Wrapped 🎵✨

Everything so stupid but I have faith it can get stupider

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

40 years ago we’d have congressional hearings falsely accusing metal bands of putting backwards messages in their songs that told kids to kill themselves & now we have a planet-killing chatbot that’s all like “bet you won’t commit suicide chickenshit bitch” & the government is like here’s $5 billion

My takeaway from the elections yesterday is that it’s one thing to be unpopular and have a large portion of the media apparatus desperate to pretend that’s not the case but it’s another thing to be unpopular and have that be an undeniable fact

The H.H. Holmes Ballroom

I'm not a West Wing obsessed lib or anything but the more I see pictures of this the more fucked up I think it is. It's like he cut off one of the hands of the Lincoln memorial with an angle grinder so he could add a big gun to it.

When I die, the only thing my family will be fighting over is my vast mucus reserves.

We built a calculator that doesn't work, but don't worry, it's also a plagiarism machine that will tell you to kill yourself. It runs on the world's oceans and costs 10 trillion dollars.

I’m not an astrology guy, but will accept that something’s in retrograde because today I got stung by the same bee thrice.

I'm a 58-year-old retired roofer from Zanesville, OH who has no relationship with his children and has been banned from 4 separate Chili's locations for berating staff, and I have deep concerns about the Democratic candidate for mayor of New York City, a place I have never been.

Zohran: Imagine living in a city where you can afford your rent, your groceries and even a meal at a restaurant now and then without much stress Eric Adams: Imagine a platypus so powerful that it could destroy the city. We need more cops

it’s even more demoralizing when the history you’re repeating is history you were around for the first time

“This is not constitutional!” I cry as the temu-bought katana enters my belly

the story today is of a profoundly low energy military parade being met with millions of americans in nationwide protests denouncing the dictatorial pretensions of the president

i know that it portends many horrors but i am kind of excited about the military parade. i can't wait to see some dipshit news anchor get excited to see an icbm like it's the charlie brown float on thanksgiving

leftists: that thing you teach us in school to be terrified of is happening historians: that thing is definitely happening star wars: here is a beat-for-beat breakdown of how the thing happens, but with pew pew lasers. we know you watched it news outlets: these protesters are out of control

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

why is the president the only person testing the limits of his power? everyone should see what they can get away with. what if zookeepers gave helicopters to gorillas? nobody has tried this

"The fascist need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear."

Hey, Republicans! You know what would really make Elon Musk super mad? If you restored science funding, foreign aid, and thousands of government jobs. He’d be so owned.

Every day I have to hear about some asshole

i like how roberts even looks a bit like tim robinson in the hot dog sketch www.politico.com/news/2025/05...

CARDINAL: alright, folks, any questions for the new pope? ME: yes, your excellence. what’s your favorite wilco album besides Yankee Hotel? CARDINAL: let’s try to keep this— LEO *grabbing the mic*: SUMMERTEETH

Fully on board with dems running for office promising to reinstate fired federal employees and jail this administration’s various criminals, but let’s go ahead and add “we will seize by eminent domain any national parkland sold to developers”

I was just thinking that when Dems have control someday they should pass a strong bill asserting that the judiciary at every level is fully independent and then I remembered that we have that bill and it's The Constitution

Short term, I shoot myself in the foot. Long term, it's good news. I learn to walk without the foot. I do a three-legged hop, a tarantulan creep. Babadook-like movements. People will ask "why do you do this?" and I will say "it's important I blow my foot off for no reason." They respect this.

It doesn’t matter if they’re “coming for you next.” Even if your position and your privilege will ALWAYS protect you and everyone you love, it is your job as a conscious human being to fight for justice. That’s just the way it fucking is. You don’t get to abdicate that responsibility.

Roses are red and bloom in June

you know things are going well when they break out the turnip photos

if the united states ever has even a hope of recovering we have to destroy the idea of american individualism. "they don't owe you anything" we owe each other everything actually

yall we can’t collectively screech that “no one’s doing anything!” and then say “no not like that” when someone actually does something. is Booker’s filibuster gonna save the world? of course not. but since courage begets courage it could lead to more. I’m fucking cynical as hell but come on.

I heard there was a secret ooze It turned four turtles into dudes But you don't really care for pizza, do ya? They fought like this, Two swords, a stick A couple sai Some nunchuck tricks Those Ninja boys-a callin Cowabunga

I almost forgot to post this, and it's the perfect day for it.

It's also the day for my favorite meme! If this aging Klingon warrior can get it right, so can anyone.

EVERY SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD: vaccines are the safest and best way to prevent disease RFK JR: I recommend rubbing dog poop in your eyes while doing the Macarena

Via mail carrier Bob Frantz

Congratulations @vicmmic.bsky.social on getting in with the font nerds

I love that now owning a Cybertruck is a recognized sign of bad decision-making. Like you paid $80,000 to get bangs

well i spent the remainder of the company's money this year on a high fidelity cover of "Rock the Casbah" where the the line "Shariff don't like it" is replaced with "Tariff (pronounced Tareef) don't like it". this is it folks. this is how we save democracy.