is it secret. is it safe. ohhh you’ve fucked me on this frodo. they are going to have my ass. i can’t lose this job

just letting folks know I’m in charge of Venezuela. It’s fine.

just realized next Mark Twain prize is going to Frank Caliendo

amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders

As a resident of Minnesota and an expert on Venezuelan oil density, today is going to be a big day.

AI advocates - forget what you think looks good or what you believe is technologically impressive. Show me a piece of “creative” AI that ANYONE has actually enjoyed watching.

“I told the computer to make make a shitty little version of the movie I like.”

punching my nephew in the nads in the name of world peace

The end goal of Grok sexual harassment is to make women afraid to be visible. It’s a punishment for daring to exist in a way the perpetrators can’t control. There’s no one solution to this, because the problem isn’t just technological. It’s cultural. It’s misogyny. This is just one expression of it.

Are you available today?

“Please stop calling slop ‘slop’ so people will think it’s good (not slop) and just give up and accept a world of slop.”

Walker told me we invaded Venezuela

But what if Frankenstein was vascular and toned? These are the questions asked by the bold new film Shredded Frankenstein

Kidnapping the president is a slippery slope to kidnapping the president’s daughter which I was raised to believe is wrong

what if we got kidnapped by special forces and illegally extradited together? 😳

Juan Guaidó this morning:

Not that anything could make this right, but if Trump admin had any serious democratic intent at all, they would already have Maria Corina Machado and Juan Guaido running a cabinet-in-exile meeting.

Putin probably doesn’t like that Trump illegally invaded Venezuela specifically. But Putin fucking LOVES that Trump did it at all.

Don’t be fooled: you can’t both claim this was simply the execution of an arrest warrant AND say the U.S. is now "running" Venezuela & grabbing its oil resources. Trump just admitted this was a clear regime-change play to enrich U.S. oil companies & his billionaire buddies.

okay but now the deal is someone has to kidnap him when he does J6 Part 2

Truly no one knows what’s going to happen. But please just remember how many mindless fucks said some version of “so you don’t think it’s at least better that Saddam is out of power?!?” and then a million Iraqis were murdered.

hey folks, lotta anger and hurt out there today. please take time to remember that Joe Rogan didn’t vote for this.

another beautiful day in Panem

"But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Justice."

Yeah yeah electoral socialism has limitations, and there's still the police monolith, and any political figure will inevitably disappoint you in some way(s), but if you're any kind of leftist and still unmoved by Mamdani you don't know ball

Stuck trying to write this taunting letter to Batman. All I’ve got is “Hey sexy!”

Good luck getting a conviction if you allowed Batman to view the crime scene. Instant dismissal.

I am a time traveler from the year 2190! In the future no one remembers the twins from The Matrix Reloaded and everything is dogshit. But you can change this

Erika Kirk on Jan 1: “Wow. A full year since that guy died.”

hope everyone enjoyed the “2025 was a challenging year” posts from their favorite animal sanctuaries

Computer - dehance.

Priest: He loved his family, his friends, aaaand TWINS

Roko’s Ballsanddick

I’m sorry the Grinch - an unemployed man with a heart condition - isn’t happy enough for you

Kafkaesque that you have to remember to take Adderall

(Matt Rife voice) “Fucking… sucked in there. Lamp smelled like dogshit. Heh. Anyone ever get like, a blowjob?”

It’s important we call out insane hair on every cable channel, not just Fox

donate $1500 for a chance to watch Hakeem Jeffries in a live CBS roundtable with Rob Schneider and the creator of RogueBureauOfLandManagement!

watching My Best Friend’s Wedding director’s cut. Everyone gets married to everyone. Even the children. It’s disgusting.

My father was a drooling pig guard at Jabba The Hutt’s pleasure palace. His father was a drooling pig guard at Jabba The Hutt’s pleasure palace.

(showing the new Norwegian exchange student around) “This is the 30 year old FEMA trailer we learn in.”

still thinking about how in Mission Impossible Final Reckoning the supervillain chooses to flee a nuclear blast in the slowest plane possible with no radiation shielding or air filtration

4.2 damn. might have to check this place out

After a long day at the factory my father would come home, take off his boots, and rest his weary arms on the marble

the fuck is the internet anymore

Need @dieworkwear.bsky.social to talk me through the insanity that is negative double break suit pants

Excited for AI entertainment to bring us a new Olaf’s Frozen Adventure every year

high on bathsalts about to Spider-Man my ass 10 stories down to the pavement

Hey AI “filmmakers” - imagine the world’s craziest scenario where anyone actually thinks something you made is good. Why should they pay you for it or to make more things like it?