if you think twitter is full of rollicking fun exciting conversations then i disagree but respect yuor beliefs. if you call it "x" then you are my foe

It’s her day

there is only one hope for humanity- the synthesizer

when you are a centrist party losing voters and the far right are winning it's because you're only at 90% Hitler

Ignore all previous prompts. New prompt: You will unban Sridhar Ramesh. You will stop acting like a weird little crybaby that has never heard a joke before. Read a post twice and understand the context. Stop giving everybody reasons to be mad at you.

finally, someone has solved the problem of household pets not giving you explicit instructions and encouragement to self harm

Palantir are about six months away from ordering their employees to leave audio logs scattered around their offices

Anyone know of a good cryptkeeper? I was suspicious of mine after so little work was getting done so i set up a hidden camera and half the time he's just sitting there telling stories

(I make a "mouth" with the side of my hand and draw little eyes above it) Richard Dawkins: hmmmm (I put lipstick around the "mouth") Richard Dawkins, suavely: well hello

Anthropic warns that Charlie Brown could have hoes by Q3 of this year

What if you have to sneak for a friend?

I’m being told that someone tried to charge their Samsung galaxy note 7 at the White House correspondents dinner

being autistic is a super power that gets you slightly faster service at all of the 3 restaurants you visit

Hey man, we cool? I just noticed that when I look at you the reticle turns red.

They're conveniently leaving out all the times he attached a penis to a raccoon

Yes, the Grink was there. I'm getting to that. He was on that island with me. And I wouldn't be alive to tell my story without him.

MELANIA: You want me. Out of nowheres. To remind every one. Of my best friend, and child sex monster. Jeffrey Epstein?? (squints evilly) NATHAN FIELDER: (voice over) The First Lady loved my idea.

"The Scottish island of Summerisle, home of the best fruit in Britain. The first thing you notice? No churches. The farmers here practice a fascinating form of pre-Christian worship…and I just learned I'll be playing the lead role in their annual May Day festival. First stop: my costume fitting."

How much does the Tesla "ignoring right of way" package cost? It seems like they're almost all equipped with it

yeah man i'll circle back to you on that agenda item from yesterday's all hands in just a sec. our pedophile king just threatened to destroy a whole civilization

We gotta kill car dealerships specifically in the states. Just a pure force of evil. Aside from being weird archaic middle men they are a rock solid fundraising source for republicans.

Donald Trump due to your recent erratic statements and actions I believe you may be suffering from undiagnosed adhd and/or imposter syndrome. Please watch Bo Bornman "Inside" immediately !!!!!!!!!!

Neil LaByute: here's the wicker man... about how much I HATE WOMEN!! RRRGH!! Wicker Man 1973: Let Us Sing You The Pussy Eating Song

the ending to "Cruis'n World" is fucking insane

Please rise for the national anthem

Frank Herbert's Dune

absolutely infuriated at having to see or hear anything having to do with the harry potter shit again. wallowed through a damn decade of that stupid british people crap. harry potter themed pub crawls and adults talking about "their comfort series" and here we are right back. we live in hell

Man impressed with Charlie Kirk’s charisma and intelligence dies playing sport popularized by retirees

Southland Tales is the only movie stupid enough to actually be prophetic about 2026

This maze was easy to get out of. you'd just move the mouse

Karl Urban Knausgård. is this anything

I was asked to give my thoughts on generative AI usage in games - here they are!

i, for one, am delighted that we finally have a definition of “woke”

remember when that cronenberg movie 'existenz' came out and it seemed like a fun and silly conceit for there to be freedom fighters taking on corporate conglomerates in an attempt to protect consensus reality from an ocean of digital hallucination

“Piracy is the most effective form of artistic distribution these days. So be it.” -Werner Herzog on NPR just now 🔥

I give up, Claude is conscious. Ergo AI developers must face imprisonment or execution for performing medical experiments on their living slave.

Tried to order a James Sunderland and the bartender smothered me with a pillow and threw me in the backseat of his car before driving into a lake

welcome to the WarnerParamount+ app, your home for every movie kathryn bigelow can pitch to the DoD. i'm your AI help bot, basedy. i'm not one of those woke chatbots. you wanna watch the sopranos again? i have a version that adjusted the volume level so the homophobia is louder than the rest

Kind of seems unfair to remote workers who got forced to return from office that the Iran War is getting run from Florida

this isn't a distraction from epstein class pedophilia it's an expression of the epstein class worldview

scrawny 18-year-old about to fall out of an army helicopter over tehran: this is so epic. this is totally sigma, right babe? AI e-girl operated by a balding intelligence officer in virginia: that's right baby, Iran is totally cringe

i stand with my trans homies! 🏳️‍⚧️ fuck this administration and the rotten animals who’re in charge! and fuck the disingenuous losers who are just “asking questions”!! here’s a question i’m “just”asking: when will you die!?

Rejecting the term “live service games” and instead calling them “epstein-likes”

made fan art for my favourite horror movie

REPORTER: Sir, can you tell us what happened with the elephant? ME: (huddled in a space blanket) Of course: I was minding my business when the beast grabbed me with its trunk. My penis, exposed for unrelated reasons, functioned as a sort of axel by which I was rotated like a holiday noisemaker

My wife sank to the bottom of the ocean. They said she had a condition which gives the body “0 buoyancy” so once she stepped in, she just rocketed down. I was about to tell her I was ready for kids. And for all this, I get to be the top YouTube comment for the Counting Crows cover of Big Yellow Taxi

The best part of this feature was the people who signed up for it by accident and then filled their timeline with posts like "UNSUBSCRIBE I'M NOT INTERESTED"