Y’know what, I did actually have this on my bingo card for 2026.

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and— I said look. Look with your eyes! Oh now you’ve gone and touched it. The paint is peeling. My beautiful paint! I’ll have to call my pool guy back. Vandal! Antifa! I said look And despair Nothing but the algae remains.

Mushrooms. I’ve tried, y’all, I really did.

I named my dog "Nature" because he abhors the vacuum.

Oh, you can't write a 5-page book report without AI? I fucking wrote 5-page book reports without having read the goddamn book. Get your finger out of your ass.

Ok this is a truly great tweet

As an anthropologist, I endorse this message!

Just when you thought you'd seen it all

Deists believe in a remote estranged creator who lets events naturally unfold; positing god as a dispassionate witness to humanity’s suffering. But what's the difference between that kind of god and no god at all? Kid Selling Lemonade:

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

I am once again begging, praying, weeping for lists of written instructions rather than videos. I do not want to watch your two minute video in the hope of catching the two seconds where you whizz past what goddamn menu the thing is under. Write. It. Down.

Happy disassociation day to my fellow mother trauma-havers. Great job surviving. Be nice to yourself today.

Happy birthday to John Brown, who knew exactly how to handle the south’s “Peculiar Institution”

The Avalanche have as many goals as the Habs had shots today lmao

Round One was a work of art 🖼️

I realize this is obvious to most but allow me to rant: At the core of Trump's base love for him is a simmering resentment over their mediocrity and gratitude for him making it permissible to be arrogant whilst mediocre. Everything in this cult can be traced back to that. (thread)

I actually root for bad things to happen to nazis.

Support your public library. Defend your public library. Slay the enemies of your public library.

Not remotely low enough.

A reminder that facial recognition tech is bad and should be banned folks.

The Lumberyard, now featuring hardware 🏆

Truly remarkable how many people have told the Pope, in some way or another, to "shut up and dribble." Or corrected him on the Bible, despite their thin education on theology. Or told him to stay out of US affairs, despite him being a US citizen. The hubris is amazing.

stolen from @ausir.bsky.social

I lol'd at this.😆

For sale: baby jetpack. Worn once

They put a warning label on rap albums.

Moving sucks with legos and begs the question: Do I start all over or try to find and replace the pieces?

Yeeeaaahhh I need to get offline and paint I think.

Melina Matsoukas to direct Octavia E. Butler’s classic “Parable of the Sower” for Warner Bros

One inch to the right and that bullet could have saved so so many lives

i gotta apologize to every bad sci fi/video game writer out there. reality is stupider than anything you've ever written

Sliding a $20 into the collection basket like it’s a bribe to God to make it happen

Heads up GitHub users. You have less than a month left to opt out of "Allow GitHub to use my data for AI model training". "On April 24 we'll start using GitHub Copilot interaction data for AI model training unless you opt out." github.com/settings/cop...

Is nothing sacred?

So Josh… do we have an unlimited spending limit?

in 2016 a group of strangers in Kazakhstan saved a dog from drowning by forming a human chain to reach him. they just unveiled a statue commemorating the event and I'm genuinely about to start sobbing

🌸 The Washington Wizards are bringing back their Cherry Blossom City Edition uniforms for 2026–27. It's pink with a cherry blossom dotting the "i" in "Washington." Includes a pink-to-blue side fade inspired by the Tidal Basin. Full breakdown: news.sportslogos.net/2026/03/27/w... #NBA

Remember: You're too old to be praying on the downfall of people you don't like. You're old enough now to be directly involved yourself.

war_iran_final-blow_v1.pdf war_iran_final-final-blow-v2.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1).pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1) APPROVED.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL (1).pdf

Pennsylvanians: Boy I hope this Shapiro guy we elected as Governor will bring us a higher minimum wage and better ghost gun control.l like he campaigned on. Gov: Shapiro:

guy commissioning a bust of himself: how will you determine the shipping charges me: weigh a head of you

New bit I've perfected if anyone brings up a problem: I don't really follow politics but it was never like this before Trump. "But the Democrats and the funding and--" Yeah like I said I don't really follow that. There was always politics but before Trump it was never like this. That's all I know

Someone needs to send an ambulance to X

it would be nice if one thing in modern life were not a scam