the villian can’t be the main character in a horror. that’s not how stories work. maybe I could see the villian starring in a 22 minute situational comedy. but horror? no no

plz skeet about something boring from ur life so I don’t have to keep skeeting about my cuticle oiling regimen.

in the phase of the cuticle oiling regimen where my nails are growing faster, but my weak shitty nails are growing out. they keep chipping and ripping or cracking and it’s driving me crazy. my crafts have been especially abusive to my nails and nail beds. just a sensitive time for my fingers really

my mom would put butter and cinnamon on a tortilla and roll them up & they were delicious. she called them cigars. just make a mental note of that if you’re gonna keep following me so that it’s not weird when I skeet stuff like “dude I could eat 20 cigars right now”

happy harmonica

my issue with visible mend darning is that by the time the hole/tear is big enough to do something neat and cool, like a plaid pattern…. That hole is too big!! You’ve waited too long and honestly a different mending technique is indicated at this point

Men who can't mend a hole in their pants or cook a meal from scratch will insist to me that I need to be drilled on gun safety despite not handling any because "you never know when you might need those skills, it's about being prepared to navigate life's surprises!"

I can't NOT repost @designmom.bsky.social 's thread illustrating that split between the real, present and painfully well-understood threats to the family vs the murder-hero-gun-fantasy one. bsky.app/profile/desi...

You don't have to blame antisemitism on the pronouncements of Zionists. You really don't. It doesn't make you seem politically attuned to the plight of Palestinians. It just makes Jews question whether you actually care about antisemitism at all outside of being labelled an antisemite.

My most fundamental belief is that we do not have to live like this.

I don’t like when people don’t walk with a purpose.

This goes hard.

gingerbread tools

these are my emotional support microplastics

society: you can't steal from your neighbor's mailbox also society: here's a guy with way more interesting mail than you. he lives right next to you and he probably doesn't even care about his mail forgetful police officer: do you know why i pulled you over?

a question you need to seriously consider before getting a dog is “how much do I want to talk about dog poop with all the other adults in my house?” are you ready to text your roommate that the dog did or didn’t poop? Are you ready to discuss what kind of attempts were made to poop the dog?

before getting a haircut, please consider how it might disturb my sensible mother. OOMF needed a haircut like 5 yrs ago… she still brings it up, like it’s my responsibility or something. she really thinks everyone would look so much handsomer if they just got a becoming haircut. she might be right

everyone is all they/them this and panssexual that but I say “she wore guyliner” and everyone is correcting me? “It’s just eyeliner when a girl wears it”. uhh im sorry i thought we were demolishing the mind prison of gender? where’s ur sledgehammer, pal?

there wasn’t this much grinch stuff last year. i feel like i have to say something about it. i remember when red pickup trucks were just a thing my uncle owned. before they were on all the towels and throw pillows and stuff. i remember.

so much stuff is being called art but where are the tears?

96% of the time im like “it’s all art. everything we do”. the other 4% of the time im like “it’s not art unless it makes you CRY”

I am so proud of them. the kids did it. they made a new stupid number to say. they may now take their place in history.

With alt text

all this “innovation” but they can’t give me what a I really need: a car that splits down the middle into two smaller vehicles so my boyfriend and I can arrive separately but drive home together

RP for good luck

The problem with asking abolitionists how to prevent violent and sexual crimes is that it presupposes that the current system actually addresses sexual or violent crimes when it categorically does not. The United States has the lowest clearance rates for violent crimes in the developed world.

get in, no time to explain

I had to stop listening to the woowoo-est girlie pop’s manifestation girly podcast midway through this newest comeback episode bc she’s just like,, sooo dumb,, & I wasn’t feeling patient enough to put up with it. listening again in a more bored headspace and im loving it. learning so much bullshit

today’s blow dry might be the best one i’ve done all year. plz no flash photography

Hello Fresh will find you in the witness protection program to send a postcard saying they miss you, and please come back for just $60.95 a week.

@apnews.com with probably the best coverage of our anti-ICE nativity. Watch the video - it's worth your time. apnews.com/article/immi...

If the Reverend Doctor seems familiar, you may have seen him before in this photo:

im teaching Cleebus how to walk on only her back legs. next step: Weapons Movie Run

boy they just love writing articles that dance around inequitable divisions of household labor & near the subject of “we expect to much from women & caretakers” and then instead of suggesting the idea of stepping up to men, they tell women they care too much.

reminder that pets don’t know what Christmas is and that you do not need to buy them stuff just bc it’s Christmas. they only want ur attention. and human food that is poisonous to them.

horses? men? humpty my guy when have men with horses ever fixed things?

"You shouldn't make art for the money" buddy I'll take it one step further and say we shouldn't have to labor for capital at all but in the meantime pay an artist

People who have nowhere to be always want be the main character on the road.

“all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could not put him back together again” Humpty bro u need to go a see a real doctor.

if I seem to be lacking mental clarity it’s cuz i haven’t FaceTimed my cousin in two(2) days

I have collected tens of likes on Bluesky so maybe watch your tone with me

you would spend so much of the apocalypse chugging old soda

i just submitted my application to TV Med School. once step closer to achieving my lifelong dream of playing a Doctor on TV!

mentally I just got you with a “have you checked up your butt?” after you asked me if I’d seen where you put your phone. im imagining us making “up ur butt” jokes back and forth all day and that you really should’ve seen this one coming. mentally we’re all laughing at u. ur crush is here.

im picturing you in my head right now, trying to pour a freshly opened heavy jug of juice and you doubted your pour and now the counters all wet. ope you just knocked the glass over bc you were in too much of a nervous huff grabbing at the paper towels.

mentally we’re playing four square at recess and i just slammed the ball real good and you missed it and now you’re chasing after the ball but the blacktop slopes and the ball is gaining velocity and you’re just running bent over with your hands out in front of you, missing the ball over and over

sorry im so smart and right about everything and you’re so dumb and wrong about everything, that must be really painful and challenging for u