Ugh. Told a coworker to “old yeller” me out back and they digitized, remastered and restored me.

*puts monsters back into the attic*

I love seeing all of the cos playing “Christians” frothing at the mouth with excitement over food assistance stopping before the holidays. Y’all are disgusting and disgraceful and an embarrassment.

I👀

If you are confident that a boat near Venezuela is carrying drugs, you stop it and board it. That way, you have evidence. If you don't really care if a boat near Venezuela is carrying drugs, but you just want to kill people, you blow the boat up. That way, the irrelevant evidence is gone.

Pomfret Vermont 📸 Ngoc Minh

I thought I saw a severed foot under a car in the liquor store parking lot, but someone was attached to it. Life is disappointing.

i begin every job resumé with ‘by the time you read this i’ll be dead’

(heart of a warrior)

This.

Move along darling I'm not the nightmare you're looking for..

No no..I’ll be okay I have my disappointment cheese

If their supposedly “Christian” speech proclaims to other human beings “you are nothing,” the people who are cheering for this might want to brush up on the New Testament.

I'm think I'm going to dress up as someone who is both mentally and financially stable for Halloween

Knowing you'll make it through doesn't make it any easier

I think the most autistic thing I do is feel like nobody understands me

Once again I’ll reconstruct my entirety from my better parts.

So tired of this fucked up world we live in. Nothing but a daily horror show slowly chipping away at all of us.

The horrors are persisting in a more incompetent and tedious way than I would have imagined.

I was going to go to the gym today, but I couldn’t find a close parking spot.

Took me two Dude Wipes to wipe that smug smile off his face

I have a new filing system called fuck it

When you really think about it, life is quite simple. Just be the best person you can be until you die.

What doesn't kill you, make you darkly sarcastic.

I'd bet someone with an emoji-only screen name is always fresh out of fucks to give

Sometimes there’s no closure you have to bury what you feel deep inside and just carry on.

Gonna start focusing on the little picture

Checking on my stocks* *beef and chicken

No thanks, crypto guy, all my money's tied up in Forever stamps

New year, new profound realizations

Dear older peeps hooked on Ozempic and scalpels, "losing face" is a measure of respect in a community, not an instruction manual.

Considering all the snacks it gets, I can't understand why my couch keeps eating the remote.

Dressing up as a sock monkey for Christmas

I miss malls at Christmas. The excitement. The ambience. The crowds. The screams of terrified children on Santa’s lap ringing through the air.

Hero’s walk. Gisele Pelicot.

If you want to feel the sensation of being robbed just carefully read your paystub.

Let’s role play. I can be that over the counter drug and you can use me as directed.

Marie Antoinette could’ve been 37 today, talking about cake and getting thousands of likes instead of losing her head.

The monster isn’t always hiding under the bed.

The BlueSky elders welcoming you

I fully support a woman’s right to not give a fuck what I think.

I love the changing seasons. Each one gradually edges its way in bringing along a different kind of wonder..all of them competing to be my favorite. Warmth, heat, cool and cold. Your senses beautifully adjusting in celebration. How lucky we are to be alive.

Weezer cover band called "Sneezer" where we only play when we're sick

Squirrels are out there without a sweater.