i’m starting a middle-aged boy band, we’re called No Direction, who wants in?

from the june 2026 issue of the zine

there it went

here we go?

here we go!

brave new horizons in shitfuture

1000 years computer jail

Only 100 days left until Spooky Lake Month

caleb wilson’s looks make me feel old af

please read this statement written by Benjamin "Champagne" Song and share as far and wide as you can: https://prairielanddefendants.com/defendant-writings/statement-by-benjamin-champagne-song/

on a deserted island, picking up a conch and holding it to my ear, but hearing nothing because there's no shell service out here

without saying the title, spoil a movie: we never see the fish guy's d!ck

I thought all the peoples were united behind Dolly. She’s a Credit To Her Race. Anyway 9 to 5 was a big hit, there was a movie and everything. Plus Dolly sneaks in some agitpop—“It's a rich man's game no matter what they call it and you spend your life putting money in his wallet.” BARS

If you’re really sexy, I can’t put you in my starter pack. You have to go in my finisher pack.

Decompressing my spine by moving into the forest and hanging upside down from trees all day like a bat.

Already thinking about all the glue I’m gonna huff at work tomorrow.

today’s the day! 🖕🥳

without saying the title, spoil a movie: the kid looks at Bruce Willis and tells him that he sees dead people

once again musing on the concept of "heterosexuality". truly, what will they think of next

good morning, become awake and chop the heads off these snakes, it's better off than dying in a pit full of snakes, the snake inside yourself that be the first head you take morning

i dont pick my battles anymore the cheapest one will have to do

fabsolutely batmanbulous

Smoking on that Doodad Dumb shit shit make you talk like a Ham Sambhich

?

who y’all taking in the enby A-draft?

They’re calling it the least comprehensible achievement of all time.

oh yeah come try the SLUTTY SLIDER TRUCK... our burgers are SO SLUTTY that you could FUCK THEM... ygeah.... Slutty Sliders baby

guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor

also, bobby deserves better than being a footnote in this trade. man was always underestimated and overdelivered. plus he was a community figure and gave back to the city tenfold. nothing but respect for my president.

Damnit there's gonna be a thing happening soon better be prepared cuz it's gonna be big. Whatever it is. Please like and subscribe for more vague as fuck information. But no seriously it's going to be big. That's what the little guy said in my brain.

bobby portis traded to miami!

Positive vibes only, bro.

any old heads here remember bemis pemps?

I have an emergency panic button at work for when I inevitably spill my croutons all over my desk.

I took an IQ test and I am a brick, but a brick with a good head for logic (and smashing).

in my previous life I was an Egyptian who used a sarcophagus as a canoe on the Nile as a practical joke and you could hear the laughs from Cairo to goddam Alexandria

what if my fart lasted for like 7yrs (stares off into space)

my mayor’s in flux my bagel sux my dad is gay i love LA

You’re the love of my life, you stupid motherfucker.

i’m in the business of making mediocre skeets and business is not so good right now. i’m struggling to be honest. i might have to close the skeet factory. like i have plenty of inventory, there’s just no market for them. the only thing keeping me skating by is pity likes but that’s not sustainable.

That's really what the issue with having extremely opinionated people fuck with what you see on a day-to-day basis. That they're right or wrong doesn't matter here, or that you're convinced or more grounded about your beliefs. The problem is the frame your brain thinks in from constant exposure

disney adult who calls cumming a “magic moment”

You gambling degenerates!!!!!!

There's a wait list to get replacement buttons for Sega Mega Drive controllers, but only for the A button. There's a certain Genesis “A” queue.

::stares at the past decade:: hypothesis confirmed

It's just so fucked up that Tim Robinson isn't Tim Robbins' son

Meet Crumb, Button, and Clover. A friend in the Bay Area found them behind a gas station. Unfortunately, she isn't able to keep them, so if she can't find someone to adopt them, they will be going to a shelter. Can you help me find them a home? They are in good health and very tame.

do people from the philippines ever say “im from philly”

probably going to get some heat for this, but: i wish somebody else’s petard would hoist me every once in awhile

of course you couldn’t make Blazing Saddles today, you couldn’t even write that email without using chat gpt