How bad does shit have to get before I stop posting jokes and just ghost? It's getting close.

Would you'll stop filtering your photos to make yourself look like Margo Robbie.....What if you go missing and actually look like a Potato we'll never find you

I'm a multitasker....I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time

*checks in on my first starter pack before deleting it to make sure all of my babies are still thriving*

i thought she was going to spit it out but then she gargled it and i fell in love

I hope I never get a case of the normies.

Your alt reminded me of you..pass.

Tried to follow a guided meditation to fall asleep and just ended up distracted trying to figure out the guy's accent. (It was Norwegian)

Yippee! <derogatory >

This hellscape would be more bearable if Joey and Pacey finally got together.

I'm not lazy I just really enjoy doing absolutely nothing

When a doctor would ask if you drank or smoked and you replied yes, the whole air in the room changed

Rapture my hole > Rapture my soul

Today was mediocre but then I got to eat an ice cold fudgsicle.

I don’t want to be raptured until marijuana is legal in heaven.

This might be radical but have you tried taking your pants off? It won't solve much but you'll be more comfortable.

Thanks for over sharing says no one.

Redrum, I mumbled.

I fake the best smiles.

Might just sneak in a zoo and steal a baby panda

If I start my sentence with "no offense" I'm probably offending the fuck out of you

It turns out he is just as bad with a teleprompter, as he is without one.

One of the beautiful things about social media is that sometimes when you scream into the void, after a pause, a voice or two may answer back “fuck, me too” and you feel a little less alone in the world

Mental health has been really bad lately and I don’t know why 🥹 ughhhhhdjdnbebehdhdhjaje trying to take it easy

garlic mashed potatoes fluffy like clouds

‘Isn’t it odd?’ You ask. ‘How the photos you take of me always seem to turn out great?’ And though my lips curl into an involuntary smile, sadness, or perhaps wistfulness, tugs it down. How do I tell you it’s because love got caught in the lens?

Jimmy Kimmel returns tomorrow. This is an important victory for free speech. Remember that it was YOU all using your power TOGETHER that got a gigantic corporation to reverse itself. Bless everyone who participated in telling Mickey Mouse to fuck off.

“I find comfort in your presence”, is probably the best compliment we can receive as human beings.

I'M ABOUT TO GET REAL OPINIONATED! Gets coffee, never mind.

Finally, A rapture to look forward too.

Celebrating fall by wearing socks with Croc's.

Let's pop, no talking. Sit with me. I have bubble wrap.

Oh that was unhappiness this is depression dumbass.

Her:"first of all " Me: Runs for my life

Can't sleep... clown gonna eat meWhenever someone asks if I'm seeing anyone..My first thought always goes to a psychiatrist

*getting faded and getting lifted bc i’m a paradox*

Willie Nelson’s gonna live til he’s 125. Texas’ original ©️

The same prick who gives me a headache every day now wants to outlaw Tylenol.

I wish tomorrow wasn’t Monday so I could stay up eating baked apples and ice cream, reading a cozy cottagecore novel, then pass out to my rainforest noise machine like a feral woodland granny.

Wanting attention but not wanting to bother anyone... that's normal right? No? Just me?

You're the beige of personalities..flirting.

Reverse Cowgirl.....so we can both be prepared for the rapture

I see people my age mountain climbing...Me I'm just happy to put both legs through my boxers without falling over

No man has ever won a game of....."Notice anything different about me"???

Is it just me waiting for the ancient Russian planes to start falling from the sky with metal fatigue any time soon.