The Testaments would be 300% better without the narration. It’s like being constantly Testamentsplained.

jpeg is short for Jorts in Winnipeg

No, I’m not going to CALM DOWN. Why don’t you CALM UP

Ha ha ha, thinking Yield signs would actually work in a supremacist society.

putting the man in semantics

labubus go into labubour to have their lababies

Tomorrow is the first day of father's day season

edie brickell should have been aware of more things. we all share a moral responsibility to bear witness.

Expecting people to do their jobs and for things to work properly is an unmistakable symptom of neurodivergence.

Imprisoning speech is never free speech.

Check out my recap from N4 SPHERE! Thanks @phish.net!

FUCKING. INCREDIBLE. NO NOTES. GOOD LORD MAN. HOW. #phish

What WOULDN’T the Democratic Party compromise on? I mean, other than its support of corporate interests and Defense spending.

I love how frequently MMW would open shows with a jam. They'd walk on stage and just see where the universe took it. And those jams always ranged from great to a full-blown spiritual experience.

priest: and so wise king solomon said “i will cut the baby in half” me: ohhh. i get it. baby was a worm priest: no it was a test me: risky test. what if he’s not a worm

Once you see the culture of abuse, it is impossible to unsee it.

As worst things to accidentally breath in go, chewed up carrot ranks damn near the top, if not #1. Carrot chunks just absolutely wreak havoc in there.

“Whether it’s our Classic Beef ’N Cheddar, our Chicken Cordon Bleu, or our famous Jamocha Shake, the menu items at Arby’s are not meant to be construed as edible substances subject to FDA regulation,” said an Arby’s spokesperson

astronauts: *lost contact with earth for 40 minutes* me: jealous

A recently developed Defense Department program was meant to reduce civilian harm during military operations. But months before the Iran war, the mission was dissolved as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth made “lethality” a top priority.

Microplastics are just exotic pets that live inside you

There’s no crying over spilled baseball.

When you point a finger at someone, there are four more pointing back at you, so point five fingers at someone.

Laughter is the best medicine, except for medicine.

Birds of a feather need more feathers.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Never bring a knife to a rum fight.

Keep your friends close, and keep your enemy’s toaster.

Social media apps as Lord of the Rings characters, a thread: Twitter: Twitter is Gollum. Began as a normal halfling. Overexposure to evil left it thin and stretched and bitter.

ME: never assume WIFE: because it makes an ass of u and me? ME: what did i just say diane

ME: the opposite of antibiotic is unclebiotic PHARMACIST: the opposite of probiotic is amateurbiotic *we kiss*

[space shuttle] CAPTAIN: prepare for landing ME: roger that CAPTAIN: reverse thrusters ME: sretsurht lol CAPTAIN: lol *we smash full speed into the moon*

Can someone please tell me why I have “Come on Eileen” in my head. That’s right. I ended that with a period.

Truth. If you are interested in an outstanding deep dive into this, I highly recommend #ShadowNetwork by @anelsona.bsky.social. She tried to warn everyone back in 2019. Hopefully there is still time.

To not lose yourself over a lifetime in this god forsaken place is a true accomplishment to admire.

The only question worth asking is what possessed that man to sing “Zombie” by The Cranberries at THAT l hour, as THAT sun rose, as the rest of us tried desperately to sleep. What was in his heyed in his heyeyed ZO-OMBIE ZO-OMBIE ZOMBIE EE EE EE!

testing my thermal printer

i hope elon musk is mad for some reason

Sam Altman: ‘If I Don’t End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will’

My ducks aren’t in a row but a pattern from antiquity used to summon an unimaginable evil

I just think you can do better @tottenhamhotspur.com

trying to use my mind powers to make my neighbor's rooster explode

The Y chromosome sure is the problem, huh?

Let the record show across eternity, for any future civilizations that happen upon this digital record, so that they will know definitively, unambiguously and resolutely: I DO NOT care for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, which is entirely due to Anthony Kiedis and no other band member.

ME: trump keeps obfuscating the truth WIFE: i see you learned a new word ME: i obfuscately did WIFE: ME: what are we obfuscating for dinner

Ban the 3-point line.

3 pointers are boring.

By my count we’re up to at least 17 stages of grief

3d printing a new blood brain barrier because mine won't quit letting the news in

Chewbacca was 1977's Wookiee of the Year