similarly when food is described as "so good it will make you [and i need you to understand i am typing this with utter distaste] slap yo mama" i certainly will be doing no such thing. you can't be talking like that white restaurant

We should invent a kind of canceling where the guy goes away

I mentioned doing a Google search for Chinese food and the editor told me some people might find that racist and I should change it to Asian food.

If you see this, please tell me the worst/most baffling bit of creative feedback you've ever recieved. Mine is still the time somebody told me my aliens had names that were too alien. Not that they were unpronounceable, just that they didn't sound enough like human names.

*logs on* *sees all the hot dog jokes have already been made* *logs off*

Someone needs to make a Venn diagram of these categories ASAP

Today we celebrate the PDFing of "Declaration FINAL v3 USE THIS ONE - SIGNED.docx" (Jefferson's draft was heavily edited by the Committee, then again by Congress, and he was big mad about it.)

First the endless saga of the Knickerbockers & now the soccer &, baby, I can’t nod my head in vague support forever.

Happy Wrath month to all who celebrate!

i've never met a podcaster who i wouldn't divorce

*nodding solemnly with full comprehension* yes, I see. there’s a special kind of kid who can’t play sports or go to the bathroom

My best friend had to be hospitalized yesterday because she thought she was having heart problems. Turned out she has gallstones and needs her gallbladder removed. I write the euthanasia cards at work and we’re a fucked up group, and so an idea was born.

Yes anding my therapist until she asks me to leave

Hi, Blueberries? Big fan. Your performance in "Muffin" was a revelation. Your work in "Scone"? A triumph. But you are badly miscast in "Bagel."

GenX catching strays in this thread but was also reminded of some great songs to add back to the playlist.

An important part of girl dinner

If you're a young trans man or trans masc person who needs a dad today, congrats. I am your dad now. I am proud of you and what you've accomplished although some of your young person culture and choices perplex me. I am proof trans men can be middle aged married dudes. You can be too some day. Live.

How do I let Duolingo know that this section will really never be useful for me?

hack shit. back in the day there were ladies named Dame Edna Bouvier-Essex who could keep all this data in their heads. Thiel doesn't have what it takes, relying on some goofy app called HOMELAND OVERWATCH or whatever

every two words is an entire Dickens novel

reflecting pool girl summer [trying to change myself and making it worse]

OCEANIA HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY CLOSE TO A DEAL WITH EURASIA

KAFKA WORLD CUP 2026™

The exposure to actual rich guys on social media has made romance novels with rich guy heroes far less appealing.

Happy Pride, friends!

if you tell a Linux Guy that you think UI matters to most people they'll try to kill you

Excited to see the lesbian witchcraft apocalypse befall the United States in a couple of days’ time.

Oh sure, but when *I* put kids in the hospital I'm no longer allowed within 100 feet of the school.

nintendo announced they are remaking the last christmas you had before the divorce

If you have ever emailed a writer to let them know you enjoyed something they wrote, you are among the noblest and best and most saintly in this entire world, and I hope you sleep really well tonight.

We’ve long known they can mimic it but the time has come to ask the question: Are New York Times journalists sentient?

NEW EXAMPLE FOR FONT LESSON JUST DROPPED

I would be more open to RTO if the office kept a bunch of gold bars sitting around unguarded.

Amazing what difference good weather makes to my mood. I’m basically just a plant with notions.

The metrics that various AI products brag about sound impressive, until you get a real user research expert to look at them, and learn all the tricks they use to sound like they are saying something while in reality saying nothing. By our very own @lauraklein.bsky.social:

You can't even say Mary Fucksall anymore because of woke. You have to say Happy Hollyfucks.

After years of working on this book, I'm so delighted to get out and talk about it. Come celebrate. Suggest folks I should invite (tag them). For private events, reach out. Or pre-order at incorruptible.co for the bonuses.

1. Always drink standing up. That way you always know you can. 2. Drink until your feet stop hurting. 3. I only drink around my family. Key context: the first two pieces of advice were given to me in high school and were very useful at parties.

I’m sorry but “everyone is going to use AI to code their own apps” sounds like “everyone is going to learn HTML and code their own websites.“ like … have you met people? no they’re not

Got some good news and was feeling very grown up until I realized that my hoodie has been inside out all day.

You: Hmm...you seem to have made a large purchase from someplace called Coke Farm? Me: I swear it's not what it sounds like.

Years ago we bought a few dozen of those sturdy pint glasses that pretty much all bars use. They're great and cheap, but they also mean every time I drink iced tea out of them on a work zoom, I feel compelled to explain I'm not just casually having a beer at 10am.

Happy Monday!! #pottery

Happy new Murderbot day to all who celebrate!

Mom! Mom! Mom! Ah!

Some useful public speaking tips from Freud here.

Gotta say that Cherry Cramps sounds pretty metal.

I was writing jokes for Amber Ruffin when she was supposed to host the White House Correspondent's Dinner last year, but then she got fired for saying bad things about Donald Trump. I think tonight, I shall post a few of them here.

I did not know this was something people take seriously early in my career, so there is a self-reflection floating around the archives of a major international broadcaster with my name on it that answers “where do you see yourself in 10 years” with “in a French castle where the moat has a dolphin”.