SHAFT!

Who‘s the impeccably dressed guy who nods

New reality show in which Olly Robbins has to appear supportive about contestants' terrible new boyfriends while dropping increasingly less subtle hints they're awful.

There’s no rhyme or reason as to who presents the trophy on #universitychallenge It‘s been Will Self and Camilla before now.

Police said it was no trifling matter. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crim...

It's going to be even worse the next time they appoint Peter Mandelson

One of those light British comedies starring Timothy Spall and Olivia Coleman etc. is bring written about this as we speak

Just remarked to my mother that I was in Seodaemun prison a year ago yesterday and the next table all looked around. *Visiting*.

Southend. Small child next to me in cafe: “But I didn’t eat dirt intentionally, someone threw it into my mouth”.

Waiting for bus and I’d love to sit on the bench but there’s a very young couple passionately kissing on it and I’m in sufficiently evil to sit next to them.

What disappoints me is that when a waiter asks “Are your familiar with our restaurant’s concept?”, the concept always turns out to be ‘small plates and they’re delivered when they’re ready‘, as opposed to Vorticism, empiricism, deconstructionism, cultural hegemony or even Marxism.

Particularly when Trump and his circle adored Karen Pierce so there was no need for a change.

I think Meg White is a good drummer just by the standards of being a good drummer but I think she’s an exceptional drummer by the standards of having her extremely strange husband come home one day and say that they were starting a band and had to dress alike and also she’s his sister now

All these Bluesky technical issues must be why my posts have been chronically under appreciated for months.

All of pub quizmaster’s questions about Gillian Anderson buff.ly/NzEhVlC

Really enjoying my first day as head of tech at Bluesky.

If you’ve read David Sedaris’ piece in @newyorker.com this Wikipedia entry is very cute. www.newyorker.com/magazine/202...

It’s from a cafe on Buckingham Gate which is called Crumpets and has this crumpet mascot and serves crumpets with all different toppings and it feels like when you once mention to your mum that you quite like frogs and then suddenly every Christmas, birthday and Easter all you get is frog stuff.

New affirmation just dropped.

Watching ‘Seventeen Moments of Spring’ and I do like it, but the Nazis are all speaking Russian to each other so it does all feel a bit ‘Where Eagles Dare’.

Me, trying to be helpful and then actually just making things worse for everyone:

‘While Zelensky may be relieved to see the back of Orbán, Hungary is not going to turn into a staunch ally of its eastern neighbour overnight’ | Bethany Elliott

What do the elections in Hungary really mean for Ukraine? Me for @unherd.com unherd.com/newsroom/vik...

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

Stacy, your mother and I are in love

⚡️Zelensky congratulates Magyar on election victory, says Kyiv ready to 'develop cooperation' with Hungary.

one immediate dramatic consequence of the Hungarian result: Magyar has promised to repair relations with the EU and unblock a €90bn EU loan for Ukraine

Your weekly review of what we've learned for Monocle Radio. monocle.com/radio/shows/...

Yeah okay now I see why friends and family have banned me from planning surprises.

Turns out my Olympics-obsessed mother actually *doesn’t* want to go to the Los Angeles Olympics. I know this because just as I was about to click ‘buy’ I had a crisis of faith, phoned her, explained the surprise and she said “Absolutely not! Imagine the crowds, the heat! I just like seeing it on TV”

Dangerous Liaisons on Wednesday and Shadowlands last night.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your toy egg.

The Moon: oh wow you guys decided to come back Artemis II crew: earth’s haunted

The pre-Christmas level of excited bounciness attached to organising a surprise for someone and it’s not quite time so you can’t tell them but all you want to do is tell them and so you just bounce a lot.

This is very good for fans of ‘The Secret History’. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/t...

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Undercover operator Lieutenant Colonel Boris Sokolov of the GRU (right) solemnly mutters to himself that if this doesn't clinch his promotion, he's handing in his badge.

Booking theatre tickets and I can’t have anyone in front of me or else I won’t be able to see. The woman at the box office says “I mean, this seat here is a good view with no one in front but the leg room is just tiny”. Finally, my strengths come into play.

The Old Operating Theatre Museum

The Muppets Christmas Carol confirms the existence of Christ in the Muppets universe, meaning that some of them freaks were present at the crucifixion.

Watching ‘Israel and the Arabs’ on BBC iPlayer and this man merits his own spin off.

moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!

In Amsterdam last year, we went into a cheese shop and my friend asked the monger which was the best cheese and she replied: “What is the best cheese for me may not be the best cheese for you”.

Remember to be wary, as today is the only day of the year that incorrect or misleading information is posted on the internet.

while doing some research I came across the greatest headline I have ever read & I can’t believe I missed this in 2011

*screaming in rage* BUT THAT'S NOT A MINI EGG THEN IS IT