My pancakes later tonight when I toss them in the air

Hey boy, do you like pancake day cos you look like a tosser?

My nose as soon as I realise I have no tissues on me

Thanks for all the birthday messages all!

Jan just sent me this

Of course I share a birthday with the Doctor

Is it normal to want to just burst into tears every five minutes on the eve of your birthday? Maybe it’s the weather.

Today’s throwback is when I received this birthday card at uni from the dog. Wild how Elsie had the same handwriting as my mum.

I was telling my mum once how Snoop Dogg seems to hire pole dancers local to the area he’s touring in, and she turned to me in all seriousness and asked why he hasn’t asked me to do a London show.

Lauren realised she had left her wax-melting machine on for two hours mid-conversation with me, and I’ve never seen anyone make this exact expression in real life.

Sudden urge to watch Harry Brown

Throwback to my late dog, Elsie, attempting (hardly) to catch a ball

Grace knew who she was from a very early age

Getting my nails redone and a pedicure for my holiday next week so if you can all lend me a grand that will be great x

Lauren thought slalom skiing is called SHALOM SKIING HAHAHAHAHA

Canterbury Cathedral: Historic Dates 1170 - Thomas Becket is murdered by King Henry II’s soldiers. 2026 - Grace Power sings Hotel Room Service by Pitbull at a silent disco.

Throwback to Elsie being absolutely thrilled at the concept of having a bath.

My sister sent me this phot of the neighbours cat demanding to come inside and I’m dying😂😂😂

On a coach and my headphones have run out of battery

Snog, Marry, Avoid bald head edition GO

Is Pep Guardiola single cos he’s kinda

Please say you guys are getting a glimpse of why Lucy Connolly is saying over on Twitter

“Boring isn’t it? Being in contempt of court?? Not me, I wasn’t in court.”

Who is in contempt of court?? Not me, I wasn’t in court.

Happy anniversary to when some random man came and battered me in the street and the Met did nothing 🥳

Throwbackkkkk. My dad managed to push the key through the lock and I was meant to throw it out of the window so he could use it with pliers to open the lock on the other side but it landed on the window ledge so he got a ladder to retrieve it and fell off the ladder. He was raging lol.

Random but when I visited Bray, Ireland in April we had a super early flight home, so it was still pitch dark waiting for the cab. As I had some time to kill I decided to cross the road to see/ say goodbye to the sea (as you do!).…

Neil Gaiman is rank ain’t he

Me watching Midsomer Murders and seeing Hugh Bonneville, Pete from Gavin & Stacey and Bridget Jones’ mum in the same episode.

Got the Michael Palin question right on University Challenge

Got no food in the house and have to go out to do a big shop

My toxic trait is accidentally entering Instagram competitions that ended years ago.

Me: Goes to the kitchen to see if the washing is finished. Washing machine: 7 mins left. Me: Hangs around the kitchen for 30 mins. Washing machine: 7 mins left. Me: Goes upstairs. Washing machine: FINISHED!! 🎶 (obnoxious tune plays)

I’M DEPRESSED

Just finished the Night Manager

I’m going in

Horsing around

🤠

I’ve become my hero

My dream job would be to be a socialite. Is that a thing anymore? Can I be one?

Is Jack O’Connell singly or does he have a stunning partner I’m going to be devastated to find out about? Saying this as if I have a chance like.

Pole throwback

Throwback to when I ate a fish curry at Las Iguanas in Liverpool, got so ill on the train home I ended up in hospital (in Woolwich 🥲), had a seizure, lost a stone in a week… then the manager rang me fuming at me whilst I was bedridden because my mum reported them to the FSA 😭

Started at my company 9 years ago and my mum said she’d treat me to a work outfit and got me THIS (lace top and leather skirt).

Going to a spa on Friday so dug out a swimming costume and I look like I’m about to enter the school swimming gala.

Are you wearing? The fanny necklace? Yeah I am.

Thought I’d book a private dermatologist whilst I wait to get on the list for the NHS and got an appointment with the NHS dermatologist first

Lmao