Today would have been Elsie’s birthday ❤️

My feed definitely seems impressed

Anyone want some cauliflower cheese lads?

“She’s right though, Rosen is a millionaire - why wouldn’t he mind paying to use transport. Rich pensioners should pay more tax and pay for their own necessities.” We have K*rstie Alls*pp bots in here?

Really sad we don’t have LimeWire in this day and age so each song can start with Bill Clinton saying he did not have sexual relations with Donald Trump.

Speaking of Jan - we were meant to be in Whitstable this weekend but she climbed over a wall yesterday and slipped off it because of the rain so I’m at my parents keeping her company as she can now hardly walk 😑

Kirsty Allsopp don’t half choose her battles. Not sure how much we can gain by taking away his passes from OAPs.

Throwback to when I received this letter from Jan

Patients are reminded NOT to die in the corridor. Thank youuuuu

I'm afraid to say this literally just turned 20 years old... I just wrote about it for its anniversary 😭 www.eurogamer.net/lionheads-se...

Did anyone every play the PC game called the Movies? Where you build a film set, write movies, hire actors, film the movie etc. etc. Think it starts from like the 1920s in Hollywood and goes through time. It was sooooo good!

Throwback to when my face swelled up that I looked like the fellas of Theme Hospital

My sister showing my holiday snaps on the big screen except it’s just screenshots of the PlayStation game she’s currently playing.

Sushi for dinner

The real ones w this is the best Italian in London. And if you used to like the Pizza Castello’s in the Elephant & Castle - this is where they are now in Lee.

I say the most plausible, boring stories and men will be like, “did this really happen?” Yeah it’s quite plausible some blokes caught us watching this video and found it funny. If you went outside your mum’s basement maybe more stuff would happen to you.

Aaaaaahhaahhahahahahahaha

Showed this to my mates on Saturday and heard howling from the boys on the next table who also were watching it from my phone.

Me after forgetting my sister was on the phone when she suddenly spoke after being silent for 20 minutes.

Fried egg sandwich and a packet of crisps for dinner

When I’m world leader, life imprisonment for anyone who leans against the whole pole on the Tube so I can’t hold on without having to TOUCH YOUR DISGUSTANG BODY.

Skived off a gym class this morning and decided to just take the missed class strike then got to work and saw an email saying the class had been cancelled anyway.

Forgot to take my eyeliner off before getting in the shower

A what now?

Date idea: you transfer me £100k and we never speak again.

“Hello is that Childline?”

Lauren caught the moment after I went through my Hinge likes

I’m a bridesmaid to a wedding in Feb in Mexico and the bride has just got her registry office photos back and HOW can someone be this beautiful?!

Lunch x

Burgundy season 🍁🍂

Got some new vitiligo patches forming

Thanks Jan

Right, after my successful campaign to bring back the song “When Love Is Gone” to The Muppet Christmas Carol, my next mission is to get the Muppet Treasure Island soundtrack on Spotify and other music streaming services near you 🫵🏻

A family friend has just opened a shop after 20 years in the making. Everything for sale is designed and hand made in the uk. He has no marketing strategy please follow his account or like or share to help him get off the ground. Ta lads x www.instagram.com/p/DQwoH7SDVx...

The time is approaching for me to plan another (disappointing) night out for New Year even though I hate it

These sort of people on TikTok are driving me insane I’m actually blocking them. All the videos from this girl are of her making up situations with her boyfriend/ husband/ fiancé in order to get likes. Seen so many girls do this it’s so jarring.

Horses are wayyy to skittish for an animal that big. What do you mean you’re scared of a bin, you’re fucking massive?!

Didn’t rate the new Frankenstein film really but Oscar Isaac does a cracking British accent, I do have to say.

Listening to Michael Palin’s diary and he seems to fucking hate Janet Street Porter hahaha

Just came home to a MASSIVE spot on my forehead and no one told me. My colleagues must have thought some assassin was about to take me out.

Throwback to my Galaxy Cake complete with TARDIS

Just missed London Bridge being evacuated by minutes and thank God cos honestly it would have been my final reason to lose the plot.

Nothing like a bit of Dick on Dick action

Just got given free banana bread from Blank Street

Every time I get a hole in my tights, I now feel like Jackson Lamb.

Put on my dad’s shoes to quickly pop into the garden and I should really ask him how it felt to die on the cross for our sins.

Look at this chonk