*sits on a swing under the smoke-choked sky, eating broken glass pastries while shitting self from the lettuce, while kids with measles go running by*

Maybe Mitch McConnell will come back to life, but woke this time. Kind of an anti-Fetterman deal

Since JD Vance just converted to Catholicism 5 minutes ago, he might not know this: the Pope authoring a letter where he goes out of his way to correct you, specifically, is considered "bad" in the Catholic tradition

I don't know, man, I think if Joe Biden had kept confusing Zelenskyy with Putin and Iran with Japan, the media might have made a pretty big deal about it?

I’ve been working toward a promotion for quite some time now with promises it’s not far off. Today, a big org change happens and I’m watching it vaporize once again. I think I have to make this the last rug pull I let this company do to me. Sad times. 😣

I haven’t been to a theater in a while but I was excited to see Project Hail Mary is streaming as of this weekend. Do yourself a favor and watch it. I have laughed, cried, cheered, and everything in between. Ryan Gosling is a fucking treasure and the portrayal of Rocky is amazing.

Bluesky has come full circle. Captain America is Alf.

dreamcast forever 🌀

Trans rights are human rights always and forever.

We making a Wall Street Bets run on Culvers?

Can we like maybe win the war against the fascists before starting a war with other Democrats?

Watching The Bear and having Chicago beef (provolone, sweet peppers) for supper. As it should be.

This. Is. Perfection.

Yes, it does. 🤨 #jokesters

The sentence, “I loved him, but then he was bitten by an animal and became that animal” has lived in my head rent free all day.

my heroes are dead and my enemies are in power

what if while trump is courtside victor wembanyama just leans down and eats his whole head. gulps the whole thing down tootsie pop owl style. and then explains that’s why he was sent here, blinks his eyes sideways and flies out of MSG and away into the night sky

Monday Mood

you watch any good quality short form video these days and you get a combination of comedy, topical media references, politics, music and sometimes tits and buddy that's the follies

ABSOLUTELY love this!!

Oh, you can't write a 5-page book report without AI? I fucking wrote 5-page book reports without having read the goddamn book. Get your finger out of your ass.

due to the rising cost of housing, there are now three wolves inside you

Veronica this is no time to be hawking merch

"There exists no solution to this problem under the constraints imposed" is a perfectly valid conclusion that binds a whole lot of playtime in IRL.

This is what will kill AI. As soon as the AI companies stop subsidising themselves with spec money, and it becomes clear what doing mundane office tasks badly really costs, nobody will want to use it. And then the servers switch off. And it goes away. Lovely. BYE!

Everyone’s calendars are filling quick but just wanted to give you a heads up

COLBERT: How dumb do you think it is for people to say that I should run for president? OBAMA: Well, you know, the bar has changed. I think you would perform significantly better than some folks we've seen. COLBERT: Is that an endorsement? OBAMA: It was not

Not new idea but if i were a dogooder with actual money concerned about media i would pick a dozen medium sized cities in swingy states and bring back local journalism.

i smell a pulitzer

oh yeah

It really isn't fair to expose Alex Jones to Tim Heidecker like this, the media equivalent of giving a medieval peasant Doritos.

this thumbnail 🤌 this is not the satire site. this is the real one.

2 days ago my maga neighbour was like "if the covid vax is so good how come you get it every year" so I made a super sad face and dropped my voice and confessed that I was addicted to vaccines and wife is not happy with me because I have been expressly told to stop winding him up but HOW TO RESIST

Well soooooomebody is trying to keep his job by pleasing Daddy.

have there been similarly culturally pervasive “everyone needs to start using this tech right now” pushes over such a relatively brief time frame as we’re currently seeing with LLMs? (This is a very genuine question)

We can’t all be beautiful, some of us have to be content with being too large to be carried off by a giant bird

No notes

I keep thinking I see Roger Stone, but I’m just in South Florida and every man looks like that

Brutal.

**gently grabs your face** Listen, the world is full of so many horrors--things out of our direct control. We do what we can, as we can. But there's no magick button labeled Fix This Now. It's important to reach toward joy. Take your meds. Have a snack. Make plans. Laugh. Look at the damn moon.

Pam Bondi made it home after a bad day

I will be forever in awe of this exchange

This would be a bad time for a 1,000 foot tall alien named The Adjudicator to appear floating in the sky and proclaim he has come to judge humanity. I hope any cosmic entities wait a few years before deciding Earth’s fate

The end of the mass consumer society. We've been priced out of capitalism and the market economy. Where we go from where is anyone's guess.

this is turning out to be one of the onion's all-time classics

Hearing a lot of jealousy today from people who live in countries where their main healthcare professional doesn’t have any raccoon penis bones at all

NEW: After Indiana passed its draconian abortion ban, an interfaith group of women in 2022 sued the state, arguing the ban violated their religious liberty rights. A trial court just granted a permanent injunction against the ban. Thread 🧵: