BE SMART:

Finally sports has its own GARY NUMAN IS OLDER THAN GARY OLDMAN

Worst Financial Decision Of Man’s Life Celebrates Grand Opening https://theonion.com/worst-financial-decision-of-mans-life-celebrates-grand-opening/

The most wholesome Ohio State story you’ll ever read

Happy Pride Month. If you're a gay man, please remember your power. People often think that gay men are innately fashionable, which means if you wear some stupid shit for long enough, straight people, including homophobes, will copy you and then you can laugh at them.

Why Doesnt Anyone Click Our Fucking Articles, Says Only Man Dumb Enough To Not Use His Own Fucking Website

what to get the man who has everything but his kids’ current addresses and phone numbers

I need to know if it includes pallets of cash

@jonbois.bsky.social watching soccer

i genuinely hate how internet culture has become so normalized and widespread. i do not want a white house deputy chief of staff saying "it's white boy november" or a secretary of state tweeting that he's "locked in for this banger." grow up.

The sixth biological sex is strength coach

They should insist on it being delivered in the form of PALLETS OF CASH

Seeing guys outside doing donuts at the nearby intersection while waving a Palestinian flag has me hoping It Happened

rooting for Pato O'Ward for the usual reasons (his name is Pato O'Ward)

introduce yourself with five business establishments in radford, virginia that you have not yet the opportunity to visit 1. nobby's kitchen 2. la quinta inn by wyndham radford 3. sharkey's wing & rib joint 4. radford orthopedic center 5. elliott's military surplus and fishing tackle

NYT: "no one has ever thought of teaching ranching at university" Every ag school: um, would you like to meet our cows NYT: "No, not like that. More romantic. More dilletante. Ugh, we're not /farmers/."

remember when a Terminator movie would come out and we’d be like “oh god what if AI/killer robots ever became real” and it turns out the robots will only be tripping over their own dicks while Skynet is firing nukes at Moscow, Idaho

hi, i’m jon. i’m posting this in the hope that you would like to look at one of my posts

@jonbois.bsky.social watching baseball

Musk v Altman JUDGE: The jury has sent a question and the answer is no, the death penalty is not "available for both sides" please return to the jury room and limit your consideration to civil damages.

Look, this is clearly so the DoD heads can get shit faced at campus parties and write off the expenses

HE WENT TO UCF

Just thinking that Iran should demand pallets of cash as part of the reparations they get from whatever deal is negotiated

Xi basically saying "we're coming for you" in the way most likely to break his brain

Waiting for a farming sim game where you have to decide whether you try to buy a laptop from China to crack to software on your tractor to get it to work, or you eventually have to sell the farm and get an office job.

the guy's wife probably wouldn't let him see his dang kids and this was the only way.

Ah yes, cutting combat engineering (mobility/counter-mobility) artillery and combat aviation training for III Corps where the majority of the army’s armoured manoeuvre warfare capability lies. What could go wrong with that?

got an email about your mom

Despondent Shohei Ohtani Figured He Would Have Met Steve-O After 8 Years In U.S. https://theonion.com/despondent-shohei-ohtani-figured-he-would-have-met-steve-o-after-8-years-in-u-s/

Another win for the savvy Telemundo investor

@jonbois.bsky.social watching baseball

unfortunately millennials are unable to credibly recommend any of our music or movies or anything else to younger generations. although we grew up with a lot of great stuff, we blew all our credibility by spending decades talking about space jam, a boring movie for babies

Not the hentai virus ...

drew a duck

I worked on the Captain Planet cartoon early in my career and I remember it stemmed from Turner wanting to do something environmentally conscious for kids. I also remember him visiting the studio and hitting on the receptionist. He contained multitudes.

Can I get some kind of update on his water bill?

I don’t want to be rude but this should have made two billion dollars

AVERAGE WHITE MLB PLAYER: has 18 latino teammates he doesn’t speak to, believes the 2020 election was stolen and is in a group text with morgan wallen AVERAGE WHITE NBA PLAYER: wokest dude you’ve ever met, has gotten into several fistfights over a teammate being called a slur, knows every nas lyric

Rather than do a full paragraph correction, maybe pulling the piece would be a better idea

A lot of people are celebrating the end of the LIV golf tournaments without sparing a thought for the person most affected the demise of this storied institution

the national hockey league is keeping the bruins alive as a favor to the NFL to keep Boston radio hosts from having even more time to talk about Vrabel

earlier i noticed that our pepper mill was almost out of peppercorns. we keep a whiteboard on the fridge to write our grocery lists, and i was about to write "peppercorns," but then i looked and saw we have almost a full extra container. so thankfully we're all set on peppercorns for quite a while

the astros are playing so bad they have japanese fans doing shinto prayers for the starting rotation

I am hearing that on his deathbed Pat McAfee received the light of Islam and unhesitatingly recited the Shahada. Even now he looks down on the Ummah from the gardens of Jannah. Truly there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet!