I was 2 years old in 1975. Could only just walk. Not old enough to enjoy food, music, art, sport, friendship, crafts, the laydees, or even delicious #cans Fuck 1975.

People think Britain was a better place when they were prettier, had more sex, went out more and didn't go oof every time they moved.

At the

"OK Dave, today is going to be a productive day. You're focused, you're ready to smash this!" *sees deer family in garden* "FUUUUCCCCCKK!!!"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Happy Fenton Day to all who celebrate. Jesus Christ, fourteen years. youtu.be/3GRSbr0EYYU

Imagine this fellah 1000s of times bigger and out of focus. Im not saying i know anything, but, you know… 🤷🏻‍♂️

Vvv vvvv’s Vvvv. Vvvv Vvvv. - Sweep as James Bond.

"And James Bond, who did NOT die"

Counterpoint: you CAN have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream. This would not be the most batshit decision for a Bond movie. I've seen Die Another Day.

I think they should make that bloke who plays Frankenstein a life peer. Then everyone would exclaim "Lord Elordi" whenever they see his sexy monster face.

I've not seen so many unwanted BBC posts on my screen since I clicked on the wrong section in PornHub

The Assassination of My Bank Balance by the Coward Delicious Pints.

Siegfried Sassoon, 'Suicide In The Trenches', 1917.

Was in the foyer of my local leisure centre at 11am today and the 2 minute silence was interrupted by a guy in full body armour with a sword asking when the two minute silence would be because there was no clock in the Bushido practice room and none of them were wearing watches.

Celebrating the Greyest Day of the Year in Finland! youtu.be/yzKhDLbIPAc?...

succubus - female demon that seduces men incubus - male demon that seduces women vengabus - non-binary demon that likes to party

"A new paper suggests a photo can tell a recruiter much about an applicant’s personality" The photo:

If it's an unsolicited dick pic then yeah, probably

I love my Bellator 2000 by JML, it keeps Little Dave shiny and clean all day long. Glad to see it's finally getting some global recognition 👍

Dunno why everyone's excited about the new Frankenstein when we have the 1952 version where the star (Lon Chaney) was drunk and thought it was a camera rehearsal so didn't destroy anything and because he missed his mark the Creature was shot to death in the dick. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaQq...

good morning gang, let’s all suffer together

Accidentally clicked on the Lifestyle section of The Guardian...

This illusion is SO weird!!🤯

Took the cats out for a walk with my brother and accidentally created a 90s Britpop album cover

Don't wave that thing at me, Hello Kitty!

rip 😔

[Dick Cheney's final breath] Tell my family I loved...war crimes

No he fucking isn't

#JohnLewis: "It's November! Get our mawkishness consultant on the phone!" Assistant presses speed dial button for Twee & Co. [Holding music: Rock classic re-recorded as a fragile ballad. Ukulele? Hushed vocals crack with contrived emotion; so trite it's indistinguishable from a thousand others].

Dick Cheney won’t see your jokes, but your friends who orchestrated a destructive and illegal war based on lies and also shot a guy in the face will.

In important news from history today, it is (although I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you) the joyful 10th birthday of this unimprovable tweet

Annual reminder. If Christmas decorations were meant to go up in November then surely they'd be called novorations.

28g (1oz) uranium contains ~20,000,000,000 kcal, making it an incredibly cost effective source of calories

Bluesky for the next 48 hours

Garlic Chili Chicken, Lamb Saag, pilau rice, nan bread, chapatis. And mandatory popadums.

Our traditional Halloween supper of eggy eyeballsnand witches fingers, and a lovely little swede carved by Lady Mc!

An old video for the spookiest night of the year: the day Nevada became the 36th state. www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIwDqRXec4s

🧵I've posted them before, but here's my thread of horror/kids' TV double-bill cinema posters. Happy Halloween... #halloween #cinema #graphicdesign #poster

It's this fella I feel sorry for. He's going to have to adapt from not being recognised in the street as a Prince to not being recognised n the street as a nonce.