I remember watching the Masters for the first time in 1987 and thinking, 'Ooh, what lovely scenery.' And that's what's made me the non-professional non-golfer I am today.

LET'S GO. I worry it has Marquee Moon-adjacent cultural currency, but brilliant nonetheless.

the modern right wing project is a black hole. an engine of pure nihilism, destruction for the sake of destruction. no capacity to create or improve, no interest in building anything positive. gleefully steamrollering over everything just because. Trump is obviously the loudest, but it's everywhere

I hate everyone I follow who doesn't follow me back. Yeah. You heard. Oh.

Never in doubt.

Haven't seen a team less likely to score since the glory days of Lacazette.

My extremely zen tolerance of the awesome volume the 16-year-old plays her music is why I'm better than my parents.

Genuine big game player. Could do with him now, tbh. Also enjoyed him pointing out to Spurs that Wembley wasn't actually their home; it was his.

University Challenge contestants can always answer the videogame questions but rarely the pop music. Not the right kind of people, sorry.

LIZARD IN A BOTTLE YAYEAAHH

The only way Bluesky can survive is if people ceaselessly talk about it dying.

One that springs is Tame Impala at the Lexington. I left early though, because Arsenal v Roma had gone to penalties. Next time I saw the 'Impala they were headlining Glastonbury's Other Stage with lots of pretty colour washes and zero audience acknowledgement.

The 18- and 16-year-old are expecting the Easter Bunny to have hidden eggs in the garden. The Easter Bunny is in his PJs watching Frasier, thinking he's retired.

Looks well 'aard to me.

In this graph I will prove not enough people are liking my posts.

With a deep Maundy Thursday hangover, I went and saw The Magic Faraway Tree this afternoon. Great for existential angst, recommended.

I'm going to see Duran Duran for the first time, 43 and a half years since Rio was the first album I ever owned, and just under 43 and a half years since Duran Duran was the second album I ever owned. Just wanted to be sure.

Bought this and Wood Beez together in the Easter holidays. I remember taking them out of the WHSmith paper bag in the passageway between Doctors Commons Road and North Road to admire them. What an afternoon that was.

Ronnie Lane was born 80 years ago today. He recorded his wonderful debut aged 28, having already been in Small Faces and Faces. Silly. open.spotify.com/track/6GTwcr...

I can hold my peace no longer. Those ads on The Rest is Entertainment about Octopus hold music being the bestselling single from the year you turned 14. The Only Way Is Up was pipped at the end of 1988 by Mistletoe & Wine. I Just Called To Say I Love You wasn't even SECOND to Band Aid in 1984.

Why get AI to do your job for you? When I don't want to write, I just pitch a piece, get commissioned and let procrastination take the weight.

This is the first time I've heard Marc Guehi speak. He's a little delight, isn't he? What's a human like him doing at City?

Two Ben Liebrand remixes in one night!

Scott Mills slid into my DMs once. To ask me if I'd do an interview about my daughter's 23-slide PowerPoint presentation arguing the case for having a pet tortoise.

If you see this post a concert photo you took

Presumably the Independent is now written and edited by AI.

If you think these are bland (I don't), just wait 'til he makes Chapterhouse Dune.

Meanwhile, on Newsnight, Yanis Varoufakis has just been cogently explaining the plot of Love, Actually to presenter Katie Razzall.

Learns me for looking at the football pages, but a) it was the Carabao, mate, and b) yeah, Arsenal lost their nerve in '23, but in '24 their last 20 league games were W18 D1 L1 and the loss was in the middle. No narrative. Last year, Salah was hepped up on goofballs and fizzers, whaddyagonnado.

Some comfort for fellow Arsenal fans: I looked over at the 16-year-old, glued to her phone. "Why aren't you watching? I've bought you tickets to the next two matches." "This DOESN'T MATTER." I mean, she'd say anything to stay on her phone, but still.

I'm heading for a Quadruple of second half beers if that's anything.

I'm enjoying this final less than I expected. And I expected to hate it.

At my desk at 10am on a Sunday morning, ready to write. I can feel it. Any second now. Oh, you better watch out. It's happening. It's imminent.

First that popped into my head was Scissor Sisters' Comfortably Numb. So I guess this version of me likes cover versions that piss half my pals off and sound like the Bee Gees produced by Frankie Knuckles. And, well, I think I've founded a new religion.

As always, if I had a sign that said, 'As always, all worst song ever threads include some of the best songs ever', I'd be pointing at it now.

What's your favourite elegiac closing line to an album? Mine's "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT IN THE COMPUTER?!"

Read my first Len Deighton last week, The Ipcress File. Full of fantastically incomprehensible spy stuff and no-nonsense turn of the 60s chauvinism. Very enjoyable for all that, thanks. RIP.

Dreamt Taylor Swift built a diorama with Star Wars figures to represent some fable about driving bulls over a cliff that you could only view through a fish-eye lens. When I'm awake I only think about Arsenal and dinner.

Like Rose in Titanic.

Max Dowman's goal was great, Arsenal's win even better, but does any of it truly compare to meeting John Bercow in the pub afterwards?

Yeah. We've been unlucky in the ballots this year – just West Ham (little at stake then) and Wigan (well, you know) – but on our way to today's match with a panicky tense song in our hearts. And shades on.

Fleet Foxes' Helplessness Blues is one of my favourite albums. There, that's a weight off.

Liegda dell yabba ma bebe/yerna she cubbaran #notTOTP #TOTP

Boyzone, with every one of your aunties' hair. #notTOTP #TOTP

When I was a kid, I was a huge Soul II Soul fan. I drew a picture of Jazzie B and sent it to him. I was late home from school, so I phoned to say where I was. “You have a package here from Soul II Soul”, I was told, so I ran home, thinking it was a gold disc. It was a catalogue for the shop.

I mean the picture suggests no

Got myself a pumping new work soundtrack for today.

Has a team ever been relegated just by... stopping in March?

This month I have a very achievable target of 1,667 words a day. Today I've written 83. I want to drink beer and watch Mastermind.