Really glad Kimmy Schmidt's back.

Pickleball should be played with giant pickled onions.

Checking my Amstrad Emailer.

I don't have a top 10 sitcoms list because laughter is a distraction from politics.

Why do they scream on Strictly when they meet their dance partner? Could they not just shake their hand and say 'Pleased to meet you'?

People with previous dance experience on Strictly should be shot in the knees so that they lose the advantage.

The time has come to feed the Dance God more dance, or else the crops will fail.

Realistically Will Get Fooled Again

What's the best times table?

A change is as good as a rest. Unless you're tired.

One thing I've realised is hardly anyone remembers anything. You've probably gotten away with it.

Never rated Come Dancing by the Kinks but then I properly listened to the lyrics. This is unbelievably good. They put a parking lot on a piece of land Where the supermarket used to stand Before that they put up a bowling alley On the site that used to be the local palais.

It feels so wrong yet so right.

Thought the prick would never leave.

David Van Day's Your Party.

You may think the Cupasoup is adequately stirred. I can assure you it is not.

I always get Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Kimmy Schmidt confused, so this is really hard for me.

Has Trump ever acknowledged the existence of John Oliver?

Is there anything to be said for another sea shanty?

The Little Misses were all based on Roger Hargreaves's exes, their defining trait being the reason why he rejected them.

For a while, he was known as Luke BSkyBwalker.

Last of the Summer Wine is folk horror.

I would rather people did not rip me a new arsehole but instead used the scissors provided.

If Carly Simon had written a song about Robert Redford instead of Warren Beatty, it would have been called 'You're a Big Lovely'.

Got my lucky underpants mixed up with my unlucky ones. FFS.

Weird how this is ostensibly a democracy but each successive government is steered by some shadowy advisor no one voted for.

Vandalised the Blue Peter garden again, sorry.

What if Terry Wogan came back, leading a TOG zombie army? What then, eh? What then?

Please remember that the definitions of all words change at midnight tonight.

Teeentscheidunggruppenangst?

German word for wanting a cup of tea, but knowing you will have to ask a bunch of other people if they want a cup of tea, wait an age for them to make up their mind, and likely then have to make them a drink that is not tea.

Someone left the cake out in the rain Because it had been made to look like something else entirely So they didn't know it was cake And I'll never have that recipe again Oh no

German word for wanting a cup of tea, but knowing you will have to ask a bunch of other people if they want a cup of tea, wait an age for them to make up their mind, and likely then have to make them a drink that is not tea.

Don't want to know about your soft opening.

Let's all try and sneak in to a '15' film.

I reckon Bjork could make a decent album using her own voice and the My Singing Monsters app.

My ★★★★ review of Deep End on Letterboxd boxd.it/b38ADf

My ★★★★ review of Deep End on Letterboxd boxd.it/b38ADf

Not feeling very brat today, sorry.

The Angry Young Men ended up Disappointed Old Men.

Good job Tom Cruise wasn't on the roof today.

Fear the Midnight Special have over-invested in Helen Reddy.

The guy who tries to torture Black Widow at the beginning of Avengers is Jerzy Skolimowski, director of Deep End and The Shout.

*Memento guy at rodeo. Checks arm* 'This isn't my first rodeo.'

Irregular as Kraftwerk.

One day I will remember which one is Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and which one is Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? But that day is not today.

Making another attempt to come to terms with later Kinks. I think the only way to do it is think of them as a separate band that happens to have the same members.

Well, I guess I can talk about it now. Out in December, date tbc. Do you believe in miracles?

Reading The Tripods. Surprised to find Southampton making a cameo as a submerged city.

This performance is the bleakest thing I have ever seen.