alcoholic trying to get sober after a relapse tells Google's "Health Coach" about it. it tells them to drink every hour and messages them to make sure they're drinking as soon as they wake up.

surely the first 90 minute no hitter in a world cup final

this means a lot to me personally, someone who studied abroad in Spain 20 years ago

senior male academics giving a conference paper, after being shown the "one more minute" sign

shakira rocks. she shouldn’t have to pay taxes

How far do we think Messi could kick a muppet

Argentina is an evil that must be defeated. I also hope its soccer team loses.

(guy pointing at the first toaster) is this a bread witch

Watching football @jonbois.bsky.social

That was a halftime show for ADHD

The number of the first half was ZERO ah ah ah

It was a bold choice to have four entirely different halftime shows performing on the field at once

Maybe the real World Cup was the hydration breaks we had along the way.

there’s my president rooting for his future home argentina

dawg the brazilians are calling it asfaltos unidos in the QTs we're getting cooked

Could Excel be conscious? We surveyed more than Jan 1 1900 people to find out.

WE ONLY GOT TWO PAUSAS LEFT

jumping on the jimothy train

this is brilliant fun. all games should be played with zero sporting stakes but about three centuries of mutual animosity #thefootball

Did you know there was actually a photoshoot of Susan Collins bathing him as a baby

France right now:

AN APOLOGY: Previous posts of mine might have conveyed the impression that I consider the third-place match a completely meaningless fixture that serves purely as a licence for FIFA to gouge fans for money. I now realise that it is a sporting occasion of almost unparalleled magnificence.

Thank you mister dick pound sixty nine

Have we considered that only the goal at that end of the pitch is working?

4-0 is the most dangerous lead in football

england rn

if i had to make up a vince lombardi quote for a 3rd place playoff game those are the exact words I'd use

Longtime third place game respecter here reheating my article from 2017

hi my name is tom bogert and i would like to sincerely apologize for making fun of the third place game

Worst game I’ve ever watched (complimentary)

They better go straight to penalties if it’s tied, the third place game shouldn’t have extra time

I guess the reason they do third place matches is they are hilarious?

this has the potential to be the funniest half of football of all time, easily beating the current record held by the first half of this same match

The winner of the World Cup third place playoff should play the loser of the World Cup final to decide which team really deserved to be in second place. Then the winner of that match should play the winner of the final.

what’s the Odyssey about? I’m so glad you asked

get in losers were canceling alexis ohanian for funding flock

It’s actually so easy to market the MLS after this World Cup. You just have to let the fans know that there’s only one league where they can see Number 10 Paraguay who Covered His Mouth Decision Is Red Card

Cardinal who

she literally spells her own name wrong because that's how Lindsey taught her to write it when she was a child. I assume she will carry on all of his other mistakes in an official capacity. www.theatlantic.com/politics/arc...

I’ve never seen a Home Run Derby ending that made me laugh before.

This morning in Biddeford, Maine, a 26-year-old man said goodbye to his wife and daughter and left for work. Moments later he was dead, shot in the head by ICE agents, the second man ICE has killed in six days. ICE is killing our neighbors. ICE cannot be reformed. Abolish ICE.

I’m boarding a ferry to Provincetown. A bunch of high school students walked past me and started cheering. I was so confused. And then I realized the shirt I’m wearing says “DUMB BITCH SUMMER.”

when i say he had "a life well lived" i don't just mean a lengthy career on stage and screen, nor a healthy relationship with an adoring public. i mean he got to be friends with laura dern

me when there are two entire days without a World Cup match

ready to release my statement on today’s news

Benoit Blanc (incredulous): Is this nominally august chamber even fully cognizant of how many of its number have slipped the veil?