i love when someone gets traded for “a player to be named later” idk who we want but i do know fuck this guy

@profanity.accountant I need an update on my sins

I think of this post every time I get high now. Because i read it high initially, had said Doritos in the pantry, and considered this to be a public service annoucement at the time.

ME: I’m like a bird, I’ll NELLY FURTADO: only fly away ME: *scribbling out ‘shit on your car’* Yeah, that’s probably better

good morning but at what cost

Anybody else see Master Shake in this logo?

Why is it a duck call and not a quack pipe

Millions of peaches, sure ok. But peaches for free? I have my doubts

i'm sorry boys but orders came from the top floor on this one. gotta pare staff down to five dwarves, which means i gotta let two of you go. Doc. love ya buddy. and i know you got what it takes to land on your feet. Sneezy. i hate it and it ain't fair but let's face it, covid changed a lot of things

well well well if it isn't the same fuckery i didn't want to deal with yesterday i mean good morning or whatever

He keeps missing the fire hydrant.

Just in case it’s 1980 and you’re on the fence about grabbing McDonald’s for breakfast, here’s a free BIC RAZOR!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

At least the NBA is consistent on home team calls. On to Game 6 in our house!

Magic gave Detroit ALL they could handle at home in a decisive game 5. Let’s bring it home in Orlando and make the 2nd round for the first time since 2010!

16 years since the Magic have escaped the first round. Obviously the series is not over yet but…wow. Up 3-1 on the #1 seed!

PLAY THE SONG!!!!!!

PLAY THE SONG!!!!

ME: I love hiking in the mountains. The trees. The fresh air. DATE: Do you have a walking stick? ME: No, I have to carry it. HER: I need to see other people

A Flock of Seagulls were invited to entertain the troops at the Strait of Hormuz but refused because Iran so far away

They need a dessert cart that makes house calls, I would totally go for this

Hoping for the exact right amount of interaction with this post

Today's tshirt

Sorry I'm late. There was an online form and I had to scroll to my birth year.

the bag of doritos in the pantry just texted me 'you up?'

It’s is time for my annual post where I admit that hollow chocolate bunnies are the reason I have trust issues.

love people who repost without liking you don’t always have to kiss during sex

cat: may i have a sparkly ball me: yes [one second later] cat: i have lost the sparkly ball

It's fitting that a fool would choose to address the nation on April Fool’s Day.

me, every day

Breaking …. Trump names Tiger Woods as new Secretary of Transportation.

I’m not lazy. I’m just having an energy crisis.

GM and congrats on making it to another Week End!!!

Lake Mary/Heathrow, FL

Shouldn't Tiger Woods's caddie recommend when to use a driver?

Love it 😂 #NoKings

(scatters grass on my phone’s screen) checkmate

Flying Breeze Airways today, so far it’s super cool. And they have a real, old school, SouthWest Airlines vibe. Which is fine because it’s not like Southwest is using it anymore.

god this design is so cool. the bike frame is kept as light as possible, then all the heavy components (battery, compute, jump mechanism) are put in the roll cage up top, and they use its inertia to flip the bike around. so fun! rai-inst.com/resources/bl...

Cheering for our UCF Knights while weather stranded in Burlington Vermont. #GKCO

I love that Barkley has lost weight. Can we get him a suit that looks like it wasn’t his father’s?

DAMMIT, we didn’t even make it 10 days before he started threatening it.

@emceekayvee.bsky.social I hope this cheers you up a bit. Here’s my little Florida baby making beautiful pictures in Vermont for Spring Break. Her first time seeing snow!