There should be more tailgating in supermarket parking lots. I mean everything you need is right there

Me: I need to be productive today Also me:

every one of these stranger things characters is a few short years away from getting into the spin doctors

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2025 recapped

me finally getting recognized for fucking up everyone’s lives constantly

showing up to work this week

The meathead Pop-Tart who was scared to die is gonna get killed so crazy hard in Pop-Tarts Bowl 4. Truly unsettling redemption arc on the way

The sooner people get it through their heads that wealth does not correlate with intelligence or expertise, the sooner we might be able to put things back on the rails.

Dammit. I was looking at multi grain bread when I realized that I’ve been jamming to every song that’s played in the grocery store and then I crumbled to dust and blew away.

#MCO shittiest checked luggage experience in America. Every time. I cannot understand why.

I Photoshop Neel into things… Day 💯 #StarWars

Stunning realization: Traveling to my parent’s home to spend Christmas with them is actually like going to Vegas. A few days are good, SEVEN DAYS IS WAY TOO MUCH.

The Amish Christmas lights are spectacular this year ✨️

christmas is coming the goose is getting fat goose: hey, wtf

Can y’all imagine the first person to eat a potato? Out digging in the dirt, and just thinking to themselves, “I bet I can eat this rock.”

The neighbor’s kid got an electric guitar for Christmas and I’m thinking about getting his dad a matching chair.

You will be visited by 3 spirits.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing, all is calm, and all is bright. Have a safe, relaxing, and wonderful Christmas, and may the Force be with Yule!

Charge On, Ricky! 💪

Imagine having a super tough shift down at Nakatomi Plaza then having to go home to chase Urkel off your daughter

HO³ I'M MATH SANTA BITCH

LOGGING ON

Santa silently slides an anger-management book into John Wick's stocking. It doesn't quite fit. He forces it. The stocking, a gift from Wick’s wife, rips. A shadow appears behind him.

We're not going to make it, are we?

On the 12th day of Bluesky-mas My true crush sent to me… 12 bakes awaking 11 butts a-parting 10 TikTok’s a-glitching 9 alts a-creeping 8 boob pics promised 6-7 Buscemi fellow kids memes 5 dm pings 4 calls to “go birds” 3 pity likes 2 lame-ass hugs …and a thirst pic of questionable authenticity! 🎄😘

[opening another box of coal] what the hell, all my presents were redacted

Me: do you ever wonder if these Airbnb hosts have kitchen knives this dull at home Murderer, Currently Bruising Me to Death in My Vacation Rental: you probably have time to leave a review

asking bodega guy if crest or colgate is more woke

no offense but if you have the head of a human, the body of a lion, and the wings of an eagle i will not be answering any of your fuckass puzzles or whatever

@badposter.lol Saw this, thought of you

Why does Alexa keep saying "High five" when I ask her to set the heat at 69

[borat voice] bari weiss

Modified a sleeping bag so it could be hung from the mantle with me in it, because I am a stocking stuffer

Whenever my postman delivers a package he says "My quest has finally come to an end" and I reply "And so the deed is done" and then we both grip each other by the shoulders and weep together with cathartic joy

bsky.app/profile/witt... getting multiple teeth removed so you can put two titanium plates in your shattered jaw sure sounds pretty bad

so what you’re saying is all we have to do is get these morons in a boxing ring? take my money ppv

This year on Bluesky I wrote 107 posts and 111 replies. I received 483 likes, whereas 45 was from my most popular post, and apparently I love saying "year" and 💯! www.madebyolof.com/bluesky-wrap...

terrifying if literal: head chef

Indeed emails be like “we found an open position at Slavery for you”

currently

Watching Jaws with 11. After 30 mins of yelling at the dumb people he started rooting for the shark.

the difference between you and I is when someone says "the heat is on" I hear that shit in the Glen Frey voice