THERAPIST: Perhaps it's time to become... Doctor "Why?" DOCTOR WHO: *starts sobbing*

i was told that when it’s the end of the world as we know it that i would feel fine liars

Mixed signals except it's just my cat finding me to say hello but biting me instead

Video evidence of me being a big old softie, protecting even the smallest one.

Everyone, I ouija boarded Lincoln's ghost and he said the new White House bathroom is "too gross to piss in"

The Waffle House at midnight. A drunk concert goers best friend.

How amazing if both World Series teams stopped everything and agreed to be co-champions.

Pitchers and catchers 105 days

Toronto, you will not taste victory until you sacrifice Drake

Best super bowl ever.

Not all who wander into the woods to scream are lost.

I am not afraid of dead people, I am afraid of living ones.

This weekend in Poland, it's time to change CEST to CET. In my opinion, it's high time to stop changing time.

🎼Tell me lies. Tell me sweet, little lies🎶

Anybody wanna come watch me squeeze these life lemons?

If they’re still mad at you, melt cheese on something and present it to them as your peace offering.

There’s no power up quite like that perfect cup of coffee.

Some days I try too hard. Some days I don’t try hard enough. Either way, I’d rather still be in bed.

The best skeets? Random answers;) E.g.: Never gym, always gin;D

Just saw my reflection and apologized.

If you ever want a joke ruined with facts, post it on social media.

Detroit Zoo!!🎃

Happy Fall!

🖤

I can’t believe the roses are still blooming! 🌹 I love it though.

"Love your creepy Halloween pic" "That's my regular face."

I have a few of these traveling witch figurines in my shop!

mouse hollow

clutching serpents

Believe in yourself, you are capable of remarkable things.

Sometimes, you need time to yourself so you can breathe!

Seasons don’t matter. Iced coffee is just who I am.

I love when my house is filled with the scent of fresh air.

I'm not wrong my memory is wrong.

Fuckit, worlds gone to shit, buying the v-neck tees

Boop!

Maybe we could have a little accountability, as a treat

No kings, but witches are cool (photos by my wife)

One time I let a guy driving a Mercedes out in traffic. I figure that’s enough altruism for one lifetime.

you won't believe what all else i'm bad at

I took a nap and caught the olds (maybe a few naps)

Thinking about having a few drinks and making questionable decisions online tonight

I gotta get back to writing bigfoot erotica

Who else needs a block? Anyone?

A heart full of unfilled wishes. #sixwords

Have a fantastic day! ✨️

Everyone has experienced something that has transformed them. Don't judge what you don't understand

Hate to burst your bubble, but…I’m kidding I love it. Fuck your bubble