“You better not be NBA Live ‘97 David Robinson when you get back from that *walk* with your cousins!” {me coming back from the *walk* with my cousins}

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

Astoria the Wild Turkey finds a sheltered spot in a garden and relaxes on a bed of fallen leaves in The Battery. 🦃 ❤️ 🍃

Obligatory

(Mitch Hedberg voice) That's a downtown newspaper box

I've got a new Shout co-authored with my talented bud Jordan De Padova and illustrated beautifully by Livia Weiner. Sláinte! www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

A minute with Romeo and Juliet, the Central Park coyotes, as seen at night through thermal video. 🐺 ❤️

Laughing at Donald Trump saying he'd definitely feel comfortable living in Zohran Mamdani's New York on the same day that half the consultant brain-poisoned Democratic party voted to condemn socialism

Still processing the carnal gasp my girlfriend released when Zac Oyama showed up in D(e)ad

Guy married to a woman half his age:

I've got a new Shout co-authored with my talented bud Jordan De Padova and illustrated beautifully by Livia Weiner. Sláinte! www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

ADRIEN BRODY'S LONG-AGED WHISKEY: "Each barrel of this pretentious dram was filled when #AdrienBrody started his Oscars speech and bottled when he finished. The result is a smooth, robust flavor that can’t be played off the stage." - @evoooooooooooo.bsky.social www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

Mamdani is going to bring him that snowglobe that plays "Memories" from CATS and we're going to get government grocery stores nationwide

Brutus before and after you adopt him. This big mush has been waiting at Sean Casey Animal Rescue for months! He loves people, treats, and walks; other dogs, not so much

i now believe that jeffrey epstein killed himself because if i wrote like that i would kill myself

In John Kelly’s animated short film, narrated by Domhnall Gleeson, nothing’s off limits when it comes to thinking about the future—particularly when there’s so much left to do. Watch it here. https://newyorkermag.visitlink.me/dSCTX3

Apropos of, uh, everything, here's a spoof toy ad by me and @jlongo.bsky.social for the latest edition of @currentaffairs.bsky.social

scenes from a victory lap zeteo.com/p/senate-dem...

The passivity of rodenticides doesn’t merely reflect the fact that we like to economize money and time. It also betrays our casual attitude towards rats—we don’t feel we owe rats the consideration required to minimize the suffering we inflict upon them. www.currentaffairs.org/news/we-real...

I don't know if this is a period of perceived success for Hawke, but between Blue Moon, The Lowdown, The Last Movie Stars, and The Good Lord Bird, he's done several of my favorite things over the past five years

perhaps you would like to read my conversation with ethan hawke about the end of the lowdown, and not wanting to sell out, and quixotic lead characters, and peter dinklage with hair so long it dragged on the floor www.vulture.com/article/etha...

Pierrot, by Jean-Antoine Watteau, 1718-19, 📸 by @andyharnik

One analytical model shows that, as of November 5th, the dismantling of U.S.A.I.D. has already caused the deaths of 600,000 people, two-thirds of them children. https://newyorkermag.visitlink.me/jUzNSc

Rest now sister. We have the kente. I'll see you in Wakanda.

this looks like a trick daffy duck would put up to get bugs bunny into "the oval office"

The first Superman Sunday newspaper strip was published on November 5, 1939.

I wrote about Zohran’s victory. www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

Mamdani: "New York will remain a city of immigrants, a city built by immigrants, powered by immigrants, and as of tonight, led by an immigrant."

Head in hands wondering how this could happen to me, the popular president who posted a video of myself shitting on everyone 2 weeks ago

i love new york city. many people are weird about it but it’s a special place. and i’m very relieved that we did not allow a politics of despair to get a foothold

cuomo giving the silent nod for catering to bring out the arsenic meatballs

Our stunning 56th issue is here. This is a fun one, folks! 🤖ChatGPT University 📔A trip to the Bible Museum 🎷New Orleans Music 💥Anti-Communist Comic Books It’s a jam-packed issue filled with colorful surprises and insightful analysis, plus gorgeous cover art by Sarah VanDermeer.

Thrilled to see @alejandrobot.com's sharp, original, funny, and yes, scary, slasher LAKE YELLOWWOOD SLAUGHTER out in the wild. Go pick it up!

"Look. I’m not saying that the ghosts don’t work on any level. The little clown boy that pops out of the fridge startles the shit out of me every time I grab a handful of cold cuts. But he doesn’t make me think."

Excerpts from my Hallowzine piece, "Don Draper Pitches Halloween Costumes" (edited and illustrated by @evanjohnstondesign.bsky.social). Get the zine to read the rest! www.etsy.com/listing/4389...

We're hiring 📢 Sentient is seeking an Audience Manager with newsroom experience to lead and expand our audience engagement and distribution strategy. Salary: $80,000 to $90,000 Learn more and apply: buff.ly/6RlpnPf

drake turning off the game as it gets to 18

@samreich.bsky.social says, “Be a superfan.” @evoooooooooooo.bsky.social gifted me a subscription last year and it has been worth every penny. I just gifted subscriptions to two more friends and upgraded to superfan.

Sadako crawling out of your tv, turning motion smoothing off, then crawling back in

Lol at this grainy photo of Zohran that looks like it was pulled from security footage

My first Astoria sighting 😍 @birdcpk.bsky.social

(to barber, as if at confession) It has been three months since my last haircut

saw this clip of the NYC mayor debate and i had tears in my eyes, perhaps the most insane section of any debate ever

Spoke with legend Jim "lunatics, haters, and punk trash" Downey about working with PTA twice, Tim Robinson and "Jeff Epstein? The New York financier?" www.gq.com/story/jim-do...

Mets fans

ME: ugh why does my back hurt all the time ALSO ME:

If they've got you angry with tamale vendors, museum displays and trans kids, you are their perfect dumbass and whatnot.