bastard’s degree

You never hear about anyone being spicy mannered it’s always mild

Overly specific tshirt about being born in 1972 bought off one of those Facebook ads spotted in the wild

1. Lift weights 2. Become strong 3. Fight and defeat God

I know arcs can't fly I know the sharks, they don't have wings

Could go for a chrupbox

Mt Dracula

Assistant Director Skinner, I threw up

I don’t really understand handshake etiquette like people go on about a firm handshake am I supposed to try to crush the other persons hand because that seems like a faux pas

CHUCK: Look, I loved the Muppets and Fraggle Rock, but Jim Henson and those hippies killing all them people was wrong. SHAQ: I don’t care what you say, you look like Black Professor Honeydew. KENNY: [laughing] ERNIE: You mean Charles Manson, Chuck. Jim Henson was a puppeteer.

Gorillaz are back so time to resurrect the greatest of all music tweets. We're all out here tryna be The Quietus and she just walks up and zeroes in on the essence.

After I saw this tweet I asked my husband if he'd seen there's new gorillaz out. He was like WHAT?? HOW?? A NEW GORILLA???

It’s so funny to think about the fact that there’s people out there deferring every life decision to this

What’s her @

I miss having an extremely refined woman who was built like a brick house in my life. Goddamn.

I would strikeout Shohei Ohtani on 3 pitches. Slider outside he feels like he’s drowning.

Oh we’re doing Trump gold cards over here now

Asked coworker if there’s anything she craves since going vegan. Listed a few things such as Edam. I said I’m on an edam diet. She’s like “what’s that”. I see cheeses I Edam.

Weightlifting advice is always annoying because you’ve got to figure out if it’s strength/health focused or body dysmorphia freak focused

heathcliff it me

Guy Reading Wuthering Heights in 1973: this would be the perfect name for a comic strip cat

Going to start actually posting on LinkedIn and say shit like I’m building a data center in my mind

Been getting away from playlist listening and back to albums and have to say HoF had an insane 3 album run with Snakes For The Divine, De Vermis Mysteriis and Luminiferous

On my flame of the west shit

There's a certain jazzy piano riff they play on Unsolved Mysteries segments about con men that's much lower stakes than their usual music and lets you know that on some level they condone what these con men have done.

just wanted to keep everyone informed and aware

robble robble toil and trouble

somebody’s sweet plums are crowding my icebox somebody’s cold plums are giving me chills

I’m always saying this

Reports out of Goodyear that he’s showing up to Spring Training “In the worst shape of my life” he tells reporters “I feel like shit”

Cajun Briyani

Its interesting for a tiny bit the media narrative was that Gen Z was the Gallant to our Gufus and now it’s just like all these broke ass motherfuckers under 45

I tried to take a photo of a grasshopper on my windshield, but now it looks like a gigantic bug destroying the town.

High on Fire - De Vermis Mysteriis (2012) is purely killer no filler

“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it

I love that this headline implies that they don't know if there was a political message because nobody there speaks Spanish.

This will only feed into Boston sports fans insistence of some sort of hard done by under dog status despite the longest championship drought of this century was between the Red Sox in 2018 and Celtics in 2024

Girl at work smiles at me and is flirty but only when my friends aren’t around I call this the Michigan J Frog technique

I watched the Chud Super Bowl halftime show and Kid Rock brought out a puppet Charlie Kirk and then killed it, like a GWAR concert. Honestly, hats off to the TPUSA gang for that one

so far tonight bad bunny has sung more reggaeton songs than the patriots and seahawks combined

Missed opportunity to not do a bunny gag for the puppy bowl half time show

May your Super Bowl be super

Gene Shallit righting for Pitchfork in the mid 00s: One things is for sure this album is a Feist for the ears

One time my late wife was getting a custom skirt made and I went off to a different store while she was getting measured then we met at the car she had me take the fabric that she had bought to the seamstress and the woman at the shop gave me a look like I had a third eye and she seemed unnerved