Every photo of Altman looks like he just got caught jerking off in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese

Don’t worry there’s gonna be an article 2 weeks from now saying how JD Vance was privately “uncomfortable with the president’s escalating rhetoric”

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Started/Ended

every single one of these fired losers will sycophantically praise trump on the way out and as soon as he dies will claim they were fired for being the only person in the room to dare to stand up to him

so the sum total of what the US military apparatus learned from the last 25 years of catastrophic adventurism is “let’s do it again but bigger”

They're setting up Vance to run as the anti-war candidate in 2028 and the stupidest people you know are all going to fall for it.

MASSIVE WIN: no one wants to live in the united states anymore

No.

I’m at ICE HQ

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to put on a tactical vest and go to the newark airport at 6 am on monday. your order is to wander around like a confused oaf. when a mom drops her sandwich at jersey mike's and scares you, pull out your gun and start shooting. good luck soldier

Every picture of ICE agents in airports is just this again

This is something you might say when you suddenly realize that someone else is running away from the bear slightly faster than you are.

Very Donkey Kong Country-coded stuff from the KKK here.

I have a case of March Madness, and the only cure is more basketball.

someone brought in a traditional Irish delicacy to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

Guy who made 800 million dollars selling a website named ToodleCo to Yahoo in 1996 and has done nothing since then but now has $100 billion: the concept of “human kindness” was invented by bolshevik psychologists in 1953, no one heard of that term until then Podcast Host: fascinating, I have worms

Quite possibly the biggest #Oscars  upset in history.

seems like the clearest purpose of the war is to reopen the thing that closed because of the war?

Me The most racist person alive 🤝 “Stop softening racists’ language”

i feel like if i was tasked with not starting a war and bringing back US manufacturing jobs, i could have done a better job than this

I think Pete Hegseth just found his new war planner

POV you are meeting Bluesky mutuals in real life

rt if u hate nazis and love boobs

Long-time buddies Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols were out for a pleasant van drive in Oklahoma when, all of a sudden, their lives would change.

I don’t think Trump and his people are capable of engineering “distractions,” I think the mind-numbing chaos we see every day is straightforwardly the result of giving the dumbest, cruelest, most corrupt, most selfish people of a generation near-unmitigated power

Happy International Women's Day to the original International Woman

High gas prices, war in the middle east, unpopular president, soaring unemployment. Welcome back second term Bush administration.

if you were to write a prophecy of the future back in 2000 that "in 2026, President Donald John Trump has launched a war on Iran with Israel after previously attempting a coup to stay in power in 2020", people would think you've gone insane

nice to see that some American institutions are still functioning www.mediaite.com/media/news/f...

someone transported here from 1995 with a layman's understanding of the Republican Party - "they like low taxes for the rich and aggressive use of the military" - would be more correct in their assessment of the party than many ostensibly savvy pundits working right now

The people we bullied off Xbox Live should not be allowed to start wars.

DO NOT CONGRATULATE

Every anti-vaxxer I encounter seems to love weird unregulated supplements. They hate Big Pharma but they love Little Pharma, Big Pharma’s younger sibling who grew up without any adult supervision.

The closing ceremony needs One Shining Moment.

"Drop on the deck and flop like a fish, motherfucker."

mr president your economy seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. why are you so popular

If you’re an American service member who gets killed in a retaliatory strike, your family can take comfort in the fact that it was done in service of making the host of Celebrity Apprentice feel like a big man for a minute, before he moved on to something else and forgets about this forever

Omg you guys didn’t have to get me anything for a Valentine’s Day! but that’s so sweet, I love it 🥰

The waiter: And what would you like today young man? My two year old: