it's called "gross pay" bc it's gross that you don't actually get all of that money

It's Aesop Rock and I don't think it's close

They should invent a Scotland team that doesn't take 35 minutes to wake up

The piss tank on the ISS is now 69% full.

The piss tank on the ISS is now 69% full.

Vizier

ME: Come on, man, I know you’ve got it around here somewhere. I just want to see what it’s like. MUSTACHE MUSEUM GUIDE: I’m not supposed to show anyone. ME: It’s just for research purposes. I’m gonna put it right back. GUIDE: Fine, through this door. Right past Burnside. NO. PICTURES.

*Hideo Kojima game set during the Somme* Colonel: Tommy. This is Trench Footman. He'll be your guide when you need to patch yourself up. TF: You're holding the Synergised Hypodermic Epinephrine Limbic Loadout, or SHELL. Press R1 to use SHELL to cure SHOCK. Tommy: SHOCK?

One time I was at a bar in Prague and Johnny Cash was sitting next to a couple of huge guys who fell off their stools. He tried to help them but couldn’t, so I reached down with one arm and pulled them both up. Johnny asked “the hell are you doing?” and I said “righting Czechs your ass can’t, Cash”

One brain cell but at least he's pretty.

Fuck it, Bug Dimmadome

They sent a guy to remove it but no matter how fast he ran be could never overtake it

I always forget pineapples grow like this and think it's a joke at first

I don't know how many more times I can see his giant melon head guys honestly

They should do one of those strip club lap dance rooms but you go in there and it’s just two bearded guys and they do a podcast just for you

look, it doesn't matter if the night-night man isn't real. a number of voters have very real concerns that the night-night man is waiting under their beds ready to eat them as soon as mommy and daddy say night-night and you need to have a plan to address those concerns regardless

Kennedy Curse Sure Taking Its Sweet Time With RFK Jr.

I'm starting to think the remedy for Andrew Tate might be Jason Pargin. The young men in his books are so believably written and, frequently, complete dickheads, but it's always hammered home that being a dickhead and not trying to be better is so much worse.

New Naked Gun movie: Very stupid, has a sentence so stupid in it I said "what?" out loud without fully knowing I was verbalizing anything, less than 90 minutes, AKA a fucking delight. Mostly posting about it because I hope they make more zero-stakes comedies like this.

I love my miniature dachshund but she is an affront to God that simply should not be.

who up singing discordant notes into the music of creation

Drinking and driving no longer challenges me. Watch out road users; from tomorrow we're balatro and driving

MAN: What's that, girl? Trouble at the old mine? LEFT-WING LASSIE: Woof! [The miners are striking for better pay and conditions] MAN: B-but Billy's down there! LEFT-WING LASSIE: Woof! [BILLY'S A SCAB]

Confronting the home invader with a candle on a little plate and a floppy cap. They said I'm the softest person they ever robbed. Didn't steal much so who's laughing now

This is Tapioca. He asked if you wanted to see some real speed. Was already on his second lap before you could answer. 13/10 (IG: tapiocathechi)

Well I don't know who I'm supposed to be voting for, Labour means like, working hard and fuck that. I used to date this girl named Tory so that's not happening either

Boyle's Law to the OceanGate Titan:

Going back to Starbound is demoralising because there's clearly a great game buried under the clunky combat and annoying planet generation.

You know what maybe I AM that girl

[sad Francis Drake noises]

The bot is designed to flatter & be totally present. It has no interests, distractions, other commitments. It cannot love, it’s just programming designed to separate you from your real world, your attention, and your money. Masturbate how you want, but it’s just elaborate wanking.

Locked in for the coming heatwave

*John Darnielle voice* Mercy for the Blowjob Brothers

american watching british panel shows: it’s just funnier. and more human. they know how to laugh at themselves brit watching british panel shows: he’s a terf. everyone here went to cambridge, he’s married to the producer. he should be in jail for tax evasion. the wrong guy on 8 out of 10 cats died

Starmer grovelling about picking up Trump's mess here is remarkably apt. A joke of a man.

Not now kitten, daddy's enmeshed in the twisted skein of Fate

Beyond a certain size bugs stop being bugs and start just being weird dogs

This exists in the UK. It's called "Brewdog."

Men are extremely keen to explain to me that Britain *needs* a domestic steel production plant and doesn't necessarily *need* universities. Okay. Steel contributed about £1.7bn to the UK economy in 2024. Universities contributed more than £200bn.

Cats are helping me work from home today by screaming for food for eight hours

BIG GOAT LITTLE GOAT is this month's free one page game. One of you is a big goat. The other is a little goat. If you need to know more than that, this game is probably not for you. PDFs and "design notes" here: www.patreon.com/posts/128931...

"My AI therapist got me through dark times" < in a competitive field, the notion of an AI 'therapist' may win the award for the most ignorant and inappropriate use of AI At the heart of therapy is a human relationship. This is fundamentally not possible with an AI. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

There is a type of bald that is genetically evil, Stephen Miller, Billy Corgan, and a type of bald that is honorable, Jason Statham, me. Many such cases.