French guys taking to Twitter tonight like "Si Ramos veut coucher avec ma copine ce soir, je le guiderais dans"

it’s weird how there isn’t a single cool right-handed person

bonus Discworld QOTD, from The Shepherd's Crown "FOR I CAN SEE THE BALANCE AND YOU HAVE LEFT THE WORLD MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND IF YOU ASK ME, said Death, NOBODY COULD DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT…"

Members of the working class would rather test for carbon monoxide than go to therapy

Looks like the original has been swept away by the sands of time.

We said goodbye to Milo's sister last week, and since then he's spent 90% of his time lying in her old favourite spot 😭

Me: I have never interacted with curling before in my life Also me: he's made a mistake to play it safe there, should have blasted it down the middle and trusted it would put us better off in stones in the target bit

"what about street photographers? what about people recording their abusers? what about people recording ICE?" i'm sorry but I cannot spoon feed you everything. you are going to have to use your own brain to analyze situations sometimes and decide if they are similar or different

Keir Starmer says goodbye to Morgan McSweeney 💔

She Solomon Mycock until I Grin Low

Read Tom's Crossing

bzzzt wrongo there's a power of them at Edinburgh Zoo and they used to just let them cut about the place once a day

Legit question for fellow Scots, how do I drink through the 30-50 feral Hogmanays that run into my kitchen within 3-5 mins while my wife pours a wine

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court— BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

A drawing of Goku making love to Spider-Man isn't the opposite of art, this garbage is

A friend once said to me that sausage dogs were trained to go down into badger setts and they don't do that any more and they're very angry about it

Well That's Christmas ruined

I personally think that Wes Streeting should be [removed at lawyer's request] fucking wood chipper

Why I Left The Left: In Stalin's Russia, Almost No-One Was Drinking Hot Dog Water

gimme yule gimme fire don me now with gay attire

Me: Looks alright to me My ancient Sumerian roommate: 𒈗𒆠 𒅖𒈨𒌦 𒄑 𒀭𒊏𒁲𒉡𒀭𒊏𒁲 Me: Well how was I supposed to know, I've never bought copper before.

That didn't seem very Responsible.

when I see a certain pygmy

one of the best dog behaviors in the mischief trot. head low. little nails going chucka chucka chucka chucka. monkey business afoot.

How many older journalists and papers look back at their role whipping up hatred against gay people like me in the 80's and 90's with pride and a sense they did right? Very few. So what do *you*, today's journos and papers, think your prospects are after re-running same campaign against trans folk?

I will NOT watch the goals again today . (expression of stony resolve softening, warm smile spreading across face) Ah what the hell. Get that McLean lob up brother

Can we have one Scotland international game that doesn't take years off my life please

Aye that'll do it

Mekboy Makes a Shoota

This is what Porco Rosso shoots down in the opening sequence of 2 Wind 2 Rises

Me and the six other people who liked the Steam Controller are hooting and hollering right now

All the Epstein emails are powerful elites saying shit like “Hello my friend the pedophile, i need your advice as a pedophile, what do you think about this other pedophile? Pedophilic Regards, your Friend ;)” and instead of swinging from a gibbet most of them are still writing op-eds against leftism

notably he stole this idea from the slap drones in the Culture books. if you calculate the walking time from Scotland to Texas under the ocean you should be able to work out when Iain Banks' wrathful revenant will make it to him.

this one is for me and like maybe 5 other people

being accidentally subscribed to ubisoft's live service for longer than 4 months should qualify me for a french passport

Liu Bei when his pet strategist 'invents' a wheelbarrow:

Customer: LIVE FREE DMV: LIVE WEAPONS OVER FREEWAY Verdict: Accepted

it's called "gross pay" bc it's gross that you don't actually get all of that money

It's Aesop Rock and I don't think it's close

They should invent a Scotland team that doesn't take 35 minutes to wake up

The piss tank on the ISS is now 69% full.

Vizier

ME: Come on, man, I know you’ve got it around here somewhere. I just want to see what it’s like. MUSTACHE MUSEUM GUIDE: I’m not supposed to show anyone. ME: It’s just for research purposes. I’m gonna put it right back. GUIDE: Fine, through this door. Right past Burnside. NO. PICTURES.

*Hideo Kojima game set during the Somme* Colonel: Tommy. This is Trench Footman. He'll be your guide when you need to patch yourself up. TF: You're holding the Synergised Hypodermic Epinephrine Limbic Loadout, or SHELL. Press R1 to use SHELL to cure SHOCK. Tommy: SHOCK?

One time I was at a bar in Prague and Johnny Cash was sitting next to a couple of huge guys who fell off their stools. He tried to help them but couldn’t, so I reached down with one arm and pulled them both up. Johnny asked “the hell are you doing?” and I said “righting Czechs your ass can’t, Cash”

One brain cell but at least he's pretty.

Fuck it, Bug Dimmadome

They sent a guy to remove it but no matter how fast he ran be could never overtake it